


Our Great Symphony

by Anafora_in_Velaris



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF, Lin-Manuel Miranda - Fandom
Genre: Ballet, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Karaoke, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 75,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anafora_in_Velaris/pseuds/Anafora_in_Velaris
Summary: Y/n is a hard-working young woman, trying to balance her ballet obsession with getting a law degree... and trying to stay afloat in NYC. Her main focus was set on her career until she met Lin at a karaoke night... Can she learn to balance two jobs, a dance career and law school with a blossoming relationship? Will she give up on her dreams or push love to the side?
Relationships: Lin-Manuel Miranda/Original Female Character(s), Lin-Manuel Miranda/Reader, Lin-Manuel Miranda/You
Comments: 234
Kudos: 167





	1. Sing the sorrows away.

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided against using 2nd person narration as it doesn't come naturally to me. Also, note that this is my first published work...also, english is not my first language. Please, excuse any grammatical errors (and correct me in the comment section). Enjoy!

I might’ve overestimated my ability to manage money. Before I moved to New York, I hadn’t needed to keep a close look at my spendings. But let me tell you – rent in NYC is ridiculously high, so I quickly realized that I needed a summer job and could not live off of my college scholarship. And that’s how I ended up working my ass off in a law firm on the Upper East Side during the day and in a club near Times Square every other night. This schedule left me with little to no time to practice ballet, but it definitely left me enough money to afford the lessons.  
It was the beginning of my Friday shift at the club when my manager approached me.  
‘'Y/N, I’ll need you to stay after hours to serve our VIP booth tonight,’' Mia ordered with a tone that left no place for an argument. ‘'There are some Broadway stars who will come tonight for a private karaoke party. I need you all on your best behavior so we get positive feedback from them’'  
Well, I wouldn’t dare trying arguing with her – the very thought of losing this job and having to move back to my hometown terrified me. I seriously needed the money and, since I usually earned two times my actual wage from tips, I could only imagine how much I would get from drunk Broadway stars.  
''Sure, I can stay as long as you want me to,'' I agreed and quickly got to cleaning and preparing the VIP booth for said VIPs. Mia explained that they would show up at 11 pm according to their reservation, so she needed me to have everything ready by 10 pm just in case. I have never seen her more excited about club guests since I started working here a month ago.  
‘'You know why she’s so giddy bout this whole thing?'’ Leah, my coworker, asked me when I got back to my usual spot behind the bar counter. It was 10:10 and the club was already flooded with people. Leah was in over her head. Holding a shaker in one hand and a glass of beer in the other, she tried to serve all guests at once. I thanked gods I was to serve the VIP booth instead of having to work my ass off preparing hundreds of drinks all night. AND I would get tipped better. The only downside to serving in a VIP booth was the fact that Very Important People usually viewed themselves as such and were awful jerks about that.  
‘'Not really, maybe she’s just happy to make more money.'’ I shrugged and took the shaker from her ‘'I’m gonna help you here until I’m called to the booth.’'  
‘'You are an angel, Y/N.'’ She flashed me one of her Hollywood smiles. On my first day here, she told me she was just doing all of this to save some money to move to LA and start her acting career. She worked every other night here, was a stripper on Saturdays and a dance teacher during the day. She was a force onto herself. I strongly believed that one day she would make it in Hollywood. ''And you are just partly right about the money thing. Yes, she cares about money. But you know what she cares about more?''  
I shook my head.  
''Fame, Y/n, fame.'' She pointed her finger towards the crowd 'Why do you think there are always so many people here? 'Cause she faked some reviews from minor celebrities to appear as a success story before she became one. And now, with those Broadway stars, she has a chance to collect some real positive feedback and make this place a hot spot for Broadway fans and stars''  
I arched my brow.  
''You really have her figured out. But what-'' my question was cut short by Mia yelling at me to get to the VIP booth ASAP. I looked at my watch, it was 10:45.  
''Are they here early?'' I didn't mean to sound so surprised, but my tone somehow annoyed Mia to the point where she almost started yelling. She grabbed me by the wrist and squeezed hard.  
''Listen, I need you on your best behavior, so if you fail to serve my guests in any way, I will personally bring hell upon you." Her gaze was like flames thrown my way. Suddenly, I felt very small and unimportant. God, if only I could get away from this job and pursue my two passions: law and ballet. I could feel a burning sensation in my throat which warned me that if Mia continued to belittle me, I would inevitably start crying. ''They are putting away their jackets, so get to work''  
''Sure'' I mumbled and turned on the karaoke machine. The VIP booth was actually a separate room with soundproof walls and its own bar. I stationed myself behind the counter when two people entered the room. One was a beautiful black woman with the most stunning smile I have seen in my life. The other was... wait, is that? I was not entirely sure, but that seemed to be Daveed Diggs. But then the woman would have to be... yes, that was Renee. Was that some kind of a fever dream or was I to serve the cast of Hamilton? I've seen the musical once, not on Broadway, but in London. I got tickets for my 24th birthday.  
''Welcome to Club 27, I'm y/n and will be serving you tonight. Can I get you started on anything?'' I asked with a professional smile I learned in law school.  
Renee smiled back at me as they both ordered a whiskey on ice. A minute later another four people showed up - that is Philipa, Leslie, Oak, and Chris, and I greeted them in the same manner. I was trying so hard not to show my nervousness. After about five minutes came Jasmine, Anthony, Jonathan, and Lin.  
''That's everybody. Excellent.'' Lin clapped his hands together and turned to me with a smile ''Let's get us started!''  
I felt a bit thrown off by his face. I didn't expect his eyes to pierce through me with such sharpness. There was nothing unkind in them, just pure excitement. His very presence shifted the atmosphere into more cheerful.  
I put Jasmine's order (a very sugary cocktail) on the center table and stationed myself next to the karaoke machine.  
''What's the song choice?'' I asked in their general direction.  
It was Daveed who answered, getting up from his seat, an empty glass in his hand, ''Renee and I are treating you guys to some Fergalicious tonight.'' They all erupted in laughter. Leslie whistled as Daveed attempted some twearking.  
I smiled and put on the chosen song. I took Daveed's glass to refill it and handed him and Renee their mics. I tried not to burst out laughing when they started rapping the song with extraordinary gusto.  
A couple of songs and a bit more drinks later, the Broadway stars were nothing like I imagined awarded actors to be. They were singing off-key to some 80s hits and seemed to be having the time of their lives. Well, I was certainly enjoying observing them. So much that I wasn't even bothered by staying after hours anymore. When I checked the time, it was half-past 1 am, which meant the club would be closing in 30 minutes. Meaning I still had like 3 to 4 hours of serving ahead of me.  
I peeked my head outside the room and saw that the club was almost empty. There were still a few drunks by the bar counter and a small group dancing, but the club was overall empty. I closed to door and intended to get back behind the bar, but jumped when, out of nowhere, Lin appeared in front of me.  
''Sorry, didn't mean to scare you like that.'' He seemed slightly amused, the effect probably enhanced by the alcohol I served him all night. Note to self - Lin Manuel - Miranda can't handle his alcohol. ''Just wanted to ask if you have one more mic around here''  
''Oh, sure.'' I stammered. ''Just a second''  
He flashed me a dazzling smile as I left the private room. It took me exactly two seconds to crash into somebody in my focus to remember the shine of Lin's smile.  
''Watch where you're going, bitch.'' the person, a man, grumbled and pushed me away. I mumbled and quicked apology and fled the scene.  
After I retrieved a box of space mics, I headed back to the VIP room. Suddenly I was stopped by a large body. In front of me stood a very drunk man. He looked as if he barely registered what was happening in front of him, so it took me off guard when he grumbled, ''Hello there, bitch. You still need to make it up to me for crashing into me.''  
Oh, shit.  
''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'' I tried to wiggle my way out around him, but he grabbed my hip, nearly crushing it in his grasp. I roamed the room, but everybody seemed oblivious to my distress. I tried to spot Leah by the bar, yet she was out of my line of sight.  
''How about you show me how sorry you are somewhere more private.'' His other hand grabbed my neck. I tried to take a step back, but his grasp on me tightened.  
''And how about you get lost?'' I heard from behind me. The drunk guy's grip loosened for a second, so I pried myself free just for my arm to be grabbed by the second guy. Before I could react, he led me away from the creepy dude. His voice seemed a bit hazed as he asked me, ''You okay, y/n?''  
I whipped my head around and saw it was Lin, who helped me.  
''Yeah, I... thank you,'' I breathed, still a bit out of it. We entered the VIP room and Lin led me to the couch where the rest of the cast was sitting, listening to Leslie's performance of some Elton John song.  
''You should sit for a second, I'll get you a glass of water, okay?'' He seemed genuinely concerned with my situation as he kneeled in front of me. ''Hey, breathe, in and out.''  
I realized I was slightly hyperventilating, so I tried to mimic his slow breaths.  
''Good, now just sit here, I'll be right back'' he stood up and vanished of my line of sight. My vision cleared a bit and the thunder of my blood in my ears got quiet. I could again focus on my surroundings. The music wasn't playing anymore, and the laughter died down.  
''What happened?'' asked Chris, who was sitting the closest to me. I opened my mouth to explain that it was nothing important and they shouldn't concern themselves with me, but no sound came out. Philipa got out of her seat with a worried look. I shook my head and tried again.  
''Well, it's nothing. I'll be okay in a second,'' I croaked, my voice hoarse. Philipa seemed not to believe me, well, I couldn't blame her, I was sure I looked as sick as I felt.  
''Just a drunk customer, It happens sometimes.'' I played with my earring. My explanation seemed to worry them even more. Renee stood up to stand by Philipa.  
''God, did he do anything to you?'' Renee's voice was soft and thick with emotion.  
''We'll go with you to your manager,'' Jasmine proposed as she and Anthony were already by the door, ready to escort me safely.  
My chest tightened with a feeling I couldn't quite place. It was overwhelming, but soothing at the same time.  
Suddenly, I remembered I was supposed to be serving them and making sure their night was perfect, and not the other way around.  
''No need, truly.'' I forced a smile to my face and intended to stand up, but was stopped by Lin's stretched out arm. He didn't touch me, but his movement was enough to halt me.  
''Please, at least sit for a minute and drink some water.'' He handed me the glass. His soothing voice managed to get me to listen. He sat on the chair opposite of me, leaving me some breathing space. I shot him a grateful look.  
Anthony and the girls returned to their seats, their faces still crumbled with worry. I spotted Daveed by the karaoke machine with his back turned to me. When he turned to face me, a soft instrumental melody dripped from speakers. He caught my glance and smiled reassuringly. I recognized the song - it was Whitney Houston's 'I Believe in You and Me'.  
''I should get back to work.'' I rubbed my palms against my pants trying to wipe the sweat away. Lin grabbed my wrist before I made my way to the bar, his touch light as a feather.  
''There is nothing for you to do for now.'' His brows furrowed with worry.  
''But you needed more mics for a song, I'll configure them with the speakers so you can have fun again' '  
Chris stood up on my other side but didn't touch me.  
''Y/n, was it?'' he asked and I nodded. ''Y/n, Lin's right, you should rest for a second, we're just gonna chill for a second''  
I tried to believe him, truly, but I just couldn't shrug off the thought that I was ruining their evening. And then, they would leave bad reviews. And then, Mia would kill me. And then, I would have to find another job or forget about training ballet.  
So I just shook my head and made my way across the room to connect the mics.  
''It's okay, it's my job,'' I stammered as I worked with the machine. I could see somebody in the corner of my eye coming my way.  
''Y/n, I know you already said you were okay,'' it was Lin, his voice soft ''but if you'd rather return home and rest, we can simply go to the dancefloor or just call it a night.''  
I whipped around, panic rising in my chest.  
''No, no, no, there is no need,'' I shot out of breath 'I'm not going to let this situation influence your party''  
A slight shadow appeared in Lin's eyes and disappeared in a split second. Was it anger? Worry? He forced a smile that took a moment to reach his eyes.  
''Sure, we'll continue the party,'' I could feel the weight lift from my chest at his words ''but only if you party with us''  
I would almost believe that I misunderstood him if not for the smirk on his face.  
''But... but I'm at work,'' I argued. He took one mic from me and clutched his hand around my other hand that was still holding another mic.  
''Yes, but from what I know your shift ends in like...'' He glanced at his watch 'ten minutes and from then on you'll be working after hours'  
His smirk only grew as he could see my defense crumble.  
''And from what you said, I can assume you don't want to ruin our fun,'' He moved around me and started typing something into the karaoke machine ''What's more: it's your job to make us have fun. And what would make this night better is you joining us for karaoke''.  
I wanted to laugh in his face. Me? Doing karaoke with Broadway stars? Trained singers? Partying at WORK?  
But I could not bring myself to decline and Lin could probably easily tell that as he led me across the room to the starting beats of 'You're the one that I want' from Grease.  
''I can only apologize in advance, my voice is nothing like Olivia Newton's,'' I warned him with a small smile. Even though performing in front of a bunch of drunk Broadway stars was gut-wrenching, I could feel myself relaxing a bit and easing from the creepy guy situation.  
''But you're at least dressed like Sandy'' he remarked with a smile and nod to my attire. He was right, I was wearing a black off-shoulder top and black pants with red shoes. I even had hoops in. I smirked right back at him.  
''Tell me about it, Stud.''  
My remark was greeted with whistles and laughs from the rest of the cast. Then Lin started singing and I couldn't hide my amusement at his exaggerated performance of Travolta. I tried my best to imitate Sandy's voice, but I was no Broadway star. I could sing a bit, just not belt out high notes for long times. My ability was not a talent I was born with but rather an effect of 3 years of piano and singing lessons in my teenage years. Still, I was not a great singer.  
Lin spun me around a few times which resulted in me missing a few notes from bursts of laughter. Our performance left me out of breath and a bit dizzy from all the spinning, but I actually forgot all about the situation with Mr. Creepy. The group applauded us once we were finished. I curtsied with a goofy grin. When Lin took my hand and bowed to kiss it, I threw my head back in laughter.  
''Sir, you're never out of your Hamilton state, are you?'' I chuckled.  
''Nah, just wanted to kiss your hand,'' he shot back with a smile.  
''Our turn!'' Jasmine snatched the mic out of Lin's hand. Renee and Philipa at her sides. I stretched out my hand to give them my mic, but Philipa stopped me.  
''You are definitely singing with us now that we know you are musically gifted,'' she mused. Renee was quickly typing something into the karaoke machine and the first notes to Wannabe by Spice Girls boomed from the speakers.  
''But there are only four of us and there are five spices!'' I protested.  
''It's okay, we always share Sporty and Baby spice, so you can choose one of them and we'll share the other,'' Jasmine explained.  
''I'll be Baby Spice then,'' I shrugged just as Renee started the first verse.  
I was so out of breath by the end of the song that I had to declare the next song go without me.  
I was pouring myself some diet coke at the bar when Lin approached me.  
''If I'd known It'd be so fun I would've made you party with us earlier!'' I wasn't sure how much he'd had to drink, but his words merged a bit. He reached for a bottle to refill his glass, but I grabbed his wrist.  
''You, sir, need to slow down before you blackout.'' He shot me a look full of mocked disbelief.  
''Are implying that I'm wasted?!'' he clutched his chest.  
''Yes,'' I stated simply and took a sip of coke.  
''Well, maybe it's just you who's not drunk enough,'' he smirked ''Unless there are some percents in that glass of yours, which I doubt''  
I rolled my eyes but kept a smile on my face.  
''I may be having fun, but I'm still at work"  
He took wiggled his wrist out of my grasp (only then did I realize I was still holding it) and reached for a bottle of whiskey.  
"It's well after hours, so you won't get in trouble. Nobody here will snitch." He tilted the bottle towards me. "But if you don't want to, I won't make you, I understand if you just generally don't wanna drink"  
I let myself ponder for a second before I took the bottle from him and set it back on the bar.  
"Sorry, but whiskey knocks me out in seconds" He nodded at my statement in understanding. "If I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna do it my way"  
He raised his brows in confusion as I disappeared behind the counter. I shot back up with another bottle in hand.  
"Vodka?" he snorted "Isn't vodka going to knock you out all the same?"  
I poured myself a generous shot and downed it in the speed of light.  
'Nope' i popped the p. His mouth fell open.  
"Ain't gonna argue with that. You didn't even flinch!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide. I bit my lip to stop myself from bursting out laughing at his amazement.  
"A summer trip to a European country in your teens can work wonders on your alcohol tolerance."  
We made our way back to the couch. Jonathan and Oak were rapping some 90s hit.  
"Oh, tell me all about it." Lin's voice mirrored the excitement on his face.  
"Okay, but for legal reasons, it's all hypothetical" I fiddled with my earring.  
"Yes, ma'am!" Lin saluted and made me burst in laughter once again.

The night came to an end at about 3 am. Jasmine and Anthony left first, but only after Jasmine kissed me on the cheek and saved her number on my phone as "Scary Spice". She made me promise, I'd text her when I arrived home safely. Then left Oak, Chris, and Leslie, the three of them struggling to get to their taxi. Jonathan left with Philipa and Renee. And this left me with Daveed and Lin standing on the side of the road waiting to catch a taxi.  
"We'll get you home first, y/n," Lin said while trying to keep Daveed on his feet "so we know you're safe."  
"Oh, thanks," I stuttered as shivers took over my body. I was tipsy, but still sober enough to feel cold. 'but we should probably get Daveed to his place first'  
"I'm perfectly fine, y/n dear." Daveed stretched a vengeful finger towards me. I couldn't stop myself from snorting.  
"Well, Daveed, honey, you don't look perfectly fine and I would hate to have my jacket ruined with puke." My sweet tone seemed to amuse Lin to the point of almost dropping Daveed from suppressing laughter.  
"Feisty, I like that!" Diggs grinned at me. Just then our taxi arrived. We squeezed ourselves in the back and headed to Daveed's first on my request. He stuck his tongue out at me.  
'Just text me when you get back, y/n' he put his head on my arm.  
'Well, I don't have your phone number' I tried to argue but he already stretched his hand with his phone towards me.  
"Just take it. And take Miranda's while you're at it," he grumbled and started drifting off on my arm.  
"There's no need, I'll actually see you get home safely," Lin assured me hastily, a bit awkwardly. Maybe he was uncomfortable with me having his number. After all, we were strangers. Was I not drinking I'd probably be weirded out about giving people my number.  
We dropped off Diggs at his apartment (we had to help him up the stairs) and headed to my place I was painfully aware of the fact that we were leaving the nice neighborhoods, but Lin seemed to not care as he treated me to some drunk stories from his past. When we arrived, I almost wanted to ask the driver to keep circling around the neighborhood, so I could listen to Lin until sunrise. Yet, I left the car after a quick goodbye.  
But before I closed the door, I turned towards Lin again.  
"Thank you so much for tonight" I grabbed his forearm.' Not just saving me from that dude, but for cheering me up, too'  
"Anytime" his eyes shined with something I couldn't describe. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but decided against it and instead whispered ''Goodnight y/n''


	2. Dance the hangover away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n has to deal with the aftermath of her clubbing. But how can she do that when her friends keep bothering her about her non-existant love life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2! I'm so happy to have recieved so many positive comments under my first chapter! THANK YOU! It means a lot to me.

Waking up the next morning was a chore. But there was nothing a zero-calorie energy drink or a warm shower couldn't fix. I left my apartment at 7 am to get to my ballet classes. I almost dozed off in the subway but somehow managed to keep my eyes open. I got myself an iced coffee in a tube cafe, got one for my friend, Jada, too. I should probably be concerned about the amount of caffeine I was consuming but it was the only thing that could get me through a 6-hour practice - especially after a late-night shift.  
When I showed up at my ballet school, Jada was already there, in her leotard, doing stretching in the hallway.  
'Hi, y/n!' she exclaimed once she's noticed me coming her way. How somebody could be so cheerful before even 8 am, was beyond me. I handed her her coffee. ''Oh, you're a treasure. But you look like shit, what happened?''  
I motioned for her to follow me to the changing rooms and started recapping my night to her.  
''So, basically, I then joined them and got a bit drunk'' I finished while tying my hair into a sleek bun. I started putting my pointe-shoes on.  
''That's why I always say kill all men.'' She crossed her arms in displeasure ''What did that dude even think you would do? Blow him in a club bathroom?''  
I mocked throwing up and laughed out loud while tying the lacing of my shoes. They were quite new and, even with all the blunt force trauma I inflicted upon them, still a bit too tight for my liking.  
''When we kill all men, we can make an exception for those Broadway hotties,'' Jada suggested as we made out way to the practice room.  
''How can you know any of them was hot?'' I grinned at her.  
"First, every man who respects women is automatically hot." I nodded in approval "Second, you wouldn't have that look on your face while talking about them"  
I gawked at her and spat, "What look? There is no look!"  
She smirked at my distress.  
"The I-wish-I-gave-them-my-number look." She poked my arm. We stopped in front of the classroom door. It wasn't allowed to bring any drinks other than water inside and we still were finishing off our coffees.  
I gave her a skeptic look. When I returned home last night, I texted both Jasmine and Daveed telling them I was safe home. Daveed responded with a thumbs-up emoji and Jasmine said she was, too, already at home and just waiting for me to text her. Bless her heart. I kind of regretted not giving Lin my number, so that he could text me he was alright and not murdered by the taxi driver (it happens, right?). And I wished that maybe we could talk again, sober, so I could thank him properly for the last night. But it wasn't like I wanted to date him as Jada suggested.  
"Oh come on, It's that guy, who saved you from the sleazy dude, right?"  
I rolled my eyes at her, probably making my situation worse by showing her my annoyance.  
"What was his name again?" she prompted with a sly look. Oh, I was not getting off the hook that easily.  
"Lin. And if you don't drop the subject, I'm gonna stop helping you put your hair in a bun so you're gonna end up with a doorknob bun every day," I threatened as I threw my cup in the rubbish... I rushed past Jada and entered the classes.  
"Not fair, but I'll drop it for now." She poked my arm "And only because I need to focus on my tumbles today."

Jada was not the only one who had to focus on her tumbles. I was covered in sweat from my bun to pointe-shoes by the time we've finished.  
"Girl, you killed it today," Jada applauded me once we reached the locker room.  
"Thanks, dude," I shrugged and started undressing "I can't help it, I just have to continue being iconic."  
Jada smacked me with her towel as she strutted towards the showers. Before I followed her, I decided to check my phone for any messages from work. My brows shot up at the sight of a text notification from Jasmine. It said:  
Hi! I'm about to post some videos and photos from yesterday night. Do you mind if I share the ones with you in them? I can tag you, of course, if you want. xoxo  
I actually haven't noticed her taking any videos or photos that could include me so I decided that it wouldn't do any harm if she posted them.  
I rushed to answer her, seeing that she had texted me almost half an hour prior.  
Hi, sure, I don't mind at all. My Ig is @y/n, same on any other social media. Just make sure I don't look too drunk.  
I threw my phono back into my bag and headed to the showers. Seriously, how is ballet so tiring?

Later Jade invited me over to hang out at her apartment. She lived closer to the studio than me, so we could go on foot instead of taking the subway. We arrived at 2pm and were greeted by Kirana, Jada's roommate, a student, two years older than me, making her 26. She looked way younger though, maybe 18, with her radiant skin and silk hair. She once told me her skincare was heavily inspired by her mother, who had been born and raised in Korea, so she taught Kirana all of her secrets. I had only Kirana twice before: on Jada's birthday and at their apartment when I was helping Jada assemble a new bookcase. On both those occasions, Kirana was the ultimate ray of sunshine, always making well-thought compliments and joking around.  
"Oh, y/n I haven't seen you in a while, how are you doing?' she reached out to hug me. I returned the embrace, my face buried in her raven, straight hair. She pulled back with a smile, her dark eyes gleaming "I heard from Jada you're working your ass off, huh?"  
I nodded, a smirk creeping to my face. I joked, "What can I say, whoever said money can't buy happiness was a damn liar."  
"Only you argue with that point, tho," Jade snickered.  
"Nah, Y/n's right, money can buy you wine to drown your sorrows in," Kirana shot back with a huge grin. She put a stray strand of hair back behind my ear. Her face grew a bit somber, yet a shadow of a smile remained on her lips. "But on a more serious note, don't overwork yourself, sweetie, it ain't worth it."  
I was about to answer with a remark of how she was literally the one who was working her ass off as a medical student but was disturbed by my phone's notification sound.  
"I'll get us something to eat, I'm starving!" Jada made her way to the kitchen. Kirana waved her hand at me to follow her and walked to the living room. Their apartment was quite spacious (as spacious as an apartment in NYC can be) with a separate kitchen and two bedrooms. The living room was by far my favorite part of the flat, with its many colorful carpets, that covered the floor completely, and two red couches in the middle of the room. There were many knick-knacks scattered around: an old vase from a flea market downtown, a porcelain doll which I strongly believed was haunted, and even a set of Matryoshkas. And many plants. The whole vibe of the living room was just impeccable.  
Kirana picked up a guitar that was placed in the corner and sat down on the carpet next to a coffee table made of palettes. She fiddled with the tuners and soon started playing some unknown melody. I stretched on one of the couches and covered my sore legs with a fluffy navy blanket and opened up the notification. It said:  
Jasmine Cephas Jones tagged you in a post.  
I opened up Instagram and went straight to tagged photos. There it was: a post of us in the bar followed with a caption that said,  
"What are Broadway actors doing when they're not singing on stage? They're singing at a bar. Very drunkenly. But we were good enough for @y/n to agree to join us - somebody get this girl a role as fourth Schuyler sister."  
Attached were a few photos: one of Anthony and Jasmine raising their glasses, one of the three Schuyler sisters, and one of Lin and I laughing at something Oak had said. There were also some videos: one of Leslie, Pippa, and Jasmine singing a Janis Joplin hit with Lin, Daveed, and I waving lighter is the air in the background, one of our Spice Girls performance, and the very last one of Lin and I dancing and singing to the Grease song. A huge grin crept into my face at the image of Lin spinning me around like crazy.  
"Oh, what are you smiling at like that?" Jade entered the living room right at that moment with a bowl of popcorn and two cans of energy drinks in her hands.  
"It's just Jasmine," I murmured as I reached for the energy drink. Jade motioned for me to scootch to the side and sat next to me.  
"Oh, I see..." she had this knowing look on her face that I've grown to hate. It always indicated that she was about to start a conversation about my love life. Well, my non-existent love life. Not that it bothered me much to be 24 and single. I've only been in one relationship, I was 19 at the time. The whole thing lasted about 8 months, but I haven't heard from him since, though we parted on good terms. I wasn't looking for a new fling now, just wanted to get my law degree and start my own practice. It was hard enough to dance and study as it was. My two job schedule would have to be put to an end once the classes started. I'd still be left with a job at the law firm, ballet 4 days a week, though. And to top that off, there was college. Before I could even start my freshman year, I'd had to take a two-year gap to earn enough money to pay off application fees and tuition. Still, I had only enough money for a college in my hometown. So, when I got an offer to transfer to the Columbia University for a research program, I simply couldn't decline. That's why I promised myself that under no circumstances would I throw it all away.  
"Don't even start," I warned Jade and took a sip of my drink. She didn't look threatened as she crossed her arms and shifted so that she was now facing me.  
"Maybe your dreamy face was not about that Lin guy, but about Jasmine?" she teased. I knew that this was her way to start the conversation and ease me into the subject. "You're in love with her!"  
"No, you idiot, I'm not in love with anybody!" I cried. She didn't look convinced. Probably because there was a wave of heat that crept its way into my cheeks.  
"Okay, so then what has you so giddy?" she snatched the phone out of my hands before I could protest. I rolled my eyes at that.  
"Just an Instagram post, you absolute-"  
"You LIAR!" she roared, cutting my insult short. "You told me you only had some drinks with them, not that you had a whole karaoke sesh and are now besties!"  
With yet another roll of my eyes and a groan, I snatched my phone back and put it in my back pocket.  
"How is that relevant? I mean," I stammered, reaching for some popcorn. I realized I only have had caffeine and a protein bar at practice today and probably should go get lunch. "I simply don't get why you're so obsessed. It was just some drinks and karaoke!"  
"I don't wanna intrude," Kirana set her guitar to the side and moved over to sit on the opposite couch "but I'd really appreciate if somebody filled me in on the subject."  
I shot Jada a harsh look to keep her from spilling anything and repeated everything to Kirana. This time I included the karaoke and dancing, and the exchange of numbers between Jasmine, Daveed, and me. Jada scrunched her face as she realized how much information I'd hidden from her before.  
"Well," Kirana's voice was like a soothing balm, but I could hear a slight amusement that she probably tried to hide "from Jada's reaction I can only guess you're fond of one of them and refuse to acknowledge that."  
My jaw dropped. I'd hoped she would be on my side. Jada poked my arm in an I-told-you-so manner enraging me even more.  
"Why so gloom, y/n?" Jada snickered "Maybe finally you'll be able to catch feelings again. How long have you been single now? 3 years?"  
"Oh, just shut up," I grumbled and stood up. I made my way to the door. "I'm going to get something to eat. You can come with me if you finally drop the subject!"  
I stormed off slamming the door. I wasn't sure why I reacted that way. I knew I haven't caught any feelings and that Jada was just teasing me. But for Kirana to agree with her... without much of a context? That was a little bit too much. I wasn't looking for a relationship. Being single didn't bother me for the most part. It was annoying to hear all about my friend's perfect relationships, though. Especially since I couldn't relate to any of them.  
I left the building and rushed to the subway station. Neither Jada nor Kirana followed after me. It was probably for the better since I was sure they wouldn't be able to shut up about my karaoke night. Okay, Kirana would probably respect my wishes, but Jada... no, she will haunt me with questions for at least a week. I sighed, I knew her concern was genuine. She's been in a happy relationship for two years now and I could understand that she'd want me to have this kind of light in my life as well. I've met her girlfriend at a recital that our dancing studio held for a charity event. Silvia was a year older than me and already so successful. She moved from Mexico to NYC alone at nineteen and was now starting her own indie lingerie brand for women of all sizes and was already endorsed by many bloggers and magazines. But it was the glances she exchanged with Jada now and then that made me jealous. Not in an envious, evil way, but in a way that made my heart grow and clench at the same time. The last time somebody has looked at me that way... no, actually, nobody has ever looked at me with such love.  
My train of thought was stopped by the arrival of my train. Good. No need to start tearing up at a subway station. 

In the evening, I was reading and replying to emails from my day job. I got bored from now and then, so I would slide off my couch to do light stretches and to apply some tiger balm to my sore muscles. I sat back next to my laptop but took out my phone and opened up Instagram instead. I got over a hundred notifications. I cursed myself for putting my phone on silent before working. I scrolled through them. I got over a hundred new followers. I scrunched my brows in confusion, but just then I realized that it was probably due to my appearance on Jasmine's Instagram. Sure enough, when I opened up her post, I saw many comments referring to me.  
@abc: Lin and y/n look so cute when they sing together  
@abc2: I wish for somebody to look at me the way Lin looks at y/n  
@abc3: Wait, are y/n and Lin together? Am I missing something?  
My heart skipped a beat. All those people thought I was with Lin. There were, of course, some comments of people just simply confused about who I was in general, but most were just pointing out how Lin and I were 'literal goals'. I groaned, first Jada and Kirana, and now Instagram? I scrolled through more comments and found one from Daveed.  
@daveeddiggs: I don't care if Lin agrees, we're getting another Schuyler sister. There were more in real life, right?  
I typed out a reply to him:  
@y/n: They were like the 18th-century version of the spice girls - and I've proven myself to be worthy of that. Somebody get Lin on the phone 'cause I AM getting that role.  
Before I closed the comment section, I noticed one comment pointing out how drunk Lin looked. I replied:  
@y/n: @abc4 yeah, he can't handle his alcohol and IT SHOWS  
I was about to put my phone away when I got a text from Mia. It said:  
"Max called in sick. Need you to come tonight."  
Max was of the other bartenders at the club. We had one shift together on Tuesdays. I read the text message again and sighed. I usually took Saturdays off so I could relax a bit, but there was the money issue again. Saturdays were the most paying days since the club was always packed. I quickly measured the pros and cons and closed the laptop. I texted Mia back, letting her know I'd be there and got up to get ready. It was going to be a long night.

I arrived at the club just in time to meet Mia at the front door. She looked a bit tense and was putting out a cigarette with her shoe. I've seen her smoke only once and it was right before she got divorced. She looked up and spotted me.  
"Y/n, glad you're here," her voice was breathy and hoarse from smoking. But she flashed me a smile that seemed to be genuine. "First, I wanna congratulate you on yesterday, it was a great idea to join the karaoke! They gave us a shout out on Instagram!"  
I didn't wanna correct her on what was the reason for me joining the singing. Especially because I was drunk and she seemed to be oblivious to that.  
"Well, thanks, it was kind of a heat of a moment decision, but it did pay off, didn't it?" I massaged my arms after a blow of cold air made me shiver. Mia noticed that and motioned for me to go inside.  
The club was empty, but I knew that would change in an hour after opening it to customers. I made my way to the counter and turned the register on. I started putting alcohol and juices, that were probably delivered earlier today, in the fridge. Mia put on the led lights and sat at the bar stool opposite me.  
"It did," she picked at her nails, they were light purple today, the color complimenting her fair skin and blue eyes. "pay off, I mean. I got an email asking to rent the club for a celebration."  
My eyes went wide, nobody has yet rented the whole club for themselves. I raised my hand to motion for her to continue.  
"So, who?"I prompted with a grin. She sighed and suddenly she shot me the most radiant smile.  
"Fucking Jennifer Lopez", her voice raised a few octaves. Now, my jaw dropped to the ground.  
"Oh shit!" I screeched. Mia snorted at that and covered her mouth with a hard. "Wait, when is she gonna come?"  
Mia's smile disappeared, her face grew serious and all-business in a split second.  
"Saturday, four weeks from now"  
My smile faltered. So I won't meet Jennifer Lopez.  
"Oh, Max is gonna be thrilled, he loves her music," I failed at faking excitement. Mia seemed to not notice that at all.  
"Yeah, I'm probably gonna ask Leah to come, too. She's good at making those spicy drinks and I've heard Jennifer likes those" she stood up and tossed me the keys to the club. "Close up, today, will you?"  
She strutted to the exit leaving me alone with my sour mood. I sighed.  
"Yes, this is going to be a long night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! How did you like it? I know there was no Lin in this one, but I'm cooking up something promising in the next chapter. XOXO


	3. The Schuyler Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n overworks herself, per usual, but still manages to find time to overthink... especially when she crosses paths with HamFam again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three! I hope you like it!

My head was spinning, legs pulsed with pain, and I was struggling to keep my back straight. It's been two hours since the beginning of my shift and it was almost 10. The club was packed, the space on the dancefloor getting tighter and tighter with every minute as bodies collided together in a wild dance. I could only observe, of course, but I still could feel the beat of the music and the heat of bodies around me.  
I barely had time to wipe the sweat off my forehead between serving customers. The only thing keeping me from just collapsing on the ground was the thought of saving enough money to keep on practicing ballet after the college classes started. I glanced at the tip jar next to the register, it was full like never before.  
An hour has passed until I was able to take a breather. I leaned on the counter and reached for my phone. There was a text message from Jasmine from 15 minutes prior. It said:  
Hi! Are you asleep yet?  
My brows creased, what would she need me for at this hour? I replied:  
Hey, no, I'm working at the club tonight. No sleep for me for another few hours. Has something happened?  
A customer approached the bar and I managed to make him his order before I got a response from Jasmine:  
Shoot, nothing happened, we're just going for some quick drinks and Lin asked me to invite you, too.  
My eyes widened and I couldn't help but notice the quickened pace of my heartbeat. Why would Lin want me to join them? I mean, I hoped we all had a great time last night, but for him to invite me on a separate occasion? Was Jada right? Was I actually becoming besties with Broadway actors? In fact, I was glad that I was gaining more friends in New York. Besides work and ballet classes I didn't know that many people. But, if Jada was right about this, was she also right about the other thing?  
I shook my head, trying to dismiss that thought. I've only seen him once. And why exactly should I assume that I would develop feelings towards him if Jada was in fact right and I would fall for one of them? After all, I had Jasmine's and Daveed's numbers... and both of them were in happy relationships... Yeah, so that's a hard no.  
I sighed and ran my hands across my face. No need to feed any of those thoughts. If I started thinking about different possibilities, I'd probably end up going through all my previous crushes and then start dwelling on all the regrets. Ultimately, I wasn't looking for a relationship. What I was looking for was getting home tonight and getting some sleep before my morning practice. I'd almost forgotten about Jasmine's text before I realized I still had to reply.  
Oh, that's very kind of him. Have fun!  
I shoved my phone deep inside my back pocket. So deep I could pretend that Lin's invitation was never there.

Morning came undeniably too early. I rolled out of bed straight to my ballet classes. Jada was again stretching in the hallway, looking a bit rigid as she noticed me coming her way with two iced coffees.  
"Y/n!" she stood up abruptly, her voice an octave higher than usual. I reached to give her her coffee, but she dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "I'm not getting coffee from you until I've apologized. I'm so, so sorry for bothering you yesterday. I wanted to tease you a little bit, but then when you stormed off... I realized that it was too much."  
It took great willpower for me not to let my jaw drop. I shook my head vigorously.  
"Wait, no, I know you weren't that serious," I once again nudged her to take the coffee cup. This time she accepted it. "I mean, it was kinda annoying seeing as I'm NOT in love with anybody. Especially, anybody, I've only just met!"  
A shy smile crept into her lips. I could see a shadow of a dark blush peaking into her ebony cheeks. It was a rare sight to see her in such distress. Her eyes glanced over me for a moment as if she was assessing if I was truly not mad at her.  
"Thank god, dude, I thought you were gonna start hating me! And then who would do my hair for the recitals?" she suddenly released all that tension in one loud laugh. It was so contagious I was soon, too, roaring with laughter. Other dancers shot us disapproving one-overs as we half-stumbled into the changing rooms.

After practice, Jada scurried off in a hurry to meet Silvia for lunch, leaving me alone to go on with my day. I relished on this rare opportunity for a breather and decided to take a walk to the library. I wanted to do some of my research for I case I'd been working on. Well, it was my boss, Tracie, who was working on that case, and I was just assisting her as her apprentice. Nevertheless, I had to borrow some books, so I made my way through Manhattan. The air was hot and dry, so I quickly rid myself of the hoodie I've been wearing. Thank gods, I remembered to use sunscreen after the post-practice shower. I grabbed another iced coffee from Dunkin's and was contemplating between getting a bagel or a protein bar when my phone buzzed. I stood to the side of the sidewalk and checked it. It was a text from Jasmine:  
I'm in Manhattan going for lunch with the girls. Wanna join us?  
I fidgeted, I needed to do that research, but the vision of not having to spend lunch alone was tempting. Maybe I could just sit and eat with the girls for a short while and then go to the library? It wouldn't hurt to socialize a bit before going into full study mode. I replied:  
Sure, where are going?

Jasmine texted me the address of some Thai on 8th avenue. I was in luck not having to go that far as I was actually on 7th avenue. I was the first one to arrive, so I just ordered water and sat at a table near the entrance. I glanced around. The restaurant was semi-full but filled with sudden bursts of laughter and scraps of witty banter between the waiters. The interior design of the restaurant was very modern but rich in earthy tones. There was a whole wall covered in quilted leather. When I was a teen, I dreamed of having a similar one behind my bed, just not brown leather, but purple velvet one. My parents, of course, thought it to be a ridiculous idea. I couldn't blame them, it would be too expensive for us to afford it. But at fifteen, I pledged to myself that once I had a house of my own, I'd have a quilted, purple, velvet wall in my bedroom.  
My trip down the memory lane was cut short by Jasmine's excited voice.  
"Y/n! Hope you didn't have to wait long." She extended her arms towards me and I stood up to hug her. Then proceeded to do the same with Phillipa and Renee, who both had warm smiles plastered on their faces. They were all wearing work-out clothes, such as leggings and loose shirts. I was glad, I was not the only one in very casual clothing, as I was in my most comfortable pair of jeans and just an old tie-dye shirt - my usual "just got from ballet practice" outfit.  
We sat around the table, Phillipa next to me, Renee and Jasmine on the opposite side. One of the waiters took it as a cue to hand us menus.  
"I'm starving!" Renee reached for one first and buried her nose in it. "Jasmine dragged us to a yoga class but forgot to mention how exhausting it would be."  
I glanced at Jasmine before reaching for my menu, she was grinning mischievously.  
"Oh, come on, what did you expect, a nap?" she snorted, but not in a mean manner. Renee shrugged and ignored her question, probably too enhanced by the menu options.  
"And how was your day, Y/n?" Phillipa nudged me with a gentle smile that reminded me of drinking hot honey and lemon tea on a rainy day.  
"I just got off my dance classes when you texted me," I pointed towards Jasmine catching her gaze from above the menu. "I was actually going to get some food and head to the library."  
"You dance, what style?" Phillipa inquired as she went through the menu. I fidgeted in my seat, exhaling deeply. I scolded myself for bringing the ballet up. People had very different reactions to it - some would think me to be a narcissistic cold bitch and some would say: I didn't take you for a ballerina, you don't look/behave like one, probably thinking it to be a compliment, but I couldn't help but wonder why. Wasn't I skinny and slender enough, pretty enough, or graceful enough? When I was a teen I was so insecure about it I'd keep it secret from most class-mates. Now I tried to take pride in being a dancer but still felt unsure about sharing it with new people. I hoped none of the girls noticed my distress, as I answered:  
"Umm, ballet. Been practicing since I was a child", I decided to bury my face in the menu to avoid any judgemental glances.  
"Ballet? That's impressive, which studio do you go to, how is it?" Phillipa went on, her voice betraying no hint of judgement. As if it was obvious that it was ballet all that time. I tried not to show any kind of surprise in my voice as I answered the question.  
"So, how was your night? Yesterday, I mean." I began after having described my studio, but before any of them could answer, the waiter returned to collect our orders. I realized that I hadn't even chosen what I wanted to eat yet, being so focused on the ballet. I skimmed the menu for a few seconds and ordered noodles with tofu and vegetables. The waiter also refilled my glass. I took a few sips.  
"Well, we went to this new bar on the Upper West Side," Jasmine started in a husky voice having remembered my question, but was distracted by a strand hair that had fallen out of her bun and was now swaying moved by the AC. She quickly fixed it, and continued with amusement curving her lips "And let me tell you, it was the best bar you can go to if all you wanna do is drink watered-down alcohol and listen to polka-techno."  
I snorted into my water and went into a coughing fit, startling Renee who then joined me, covering her face with her hands.  
"Come on, it couldn't have been that bad?" my statement was met with a fierce shake of Jasmine's head, her eyes wide, a giggle from Phillipa, and a complete meltdown on Renee's part, as she tried to stifle her cackle by almost shoving her fist up her mouth. I glanced at the scene before me and shook my head in disbelief.  
"You-" Renee started but was disturbed by another laughing fit, tears gleaming in her eyes. "You should've seen Lin's face when they started playing a polka version of daft punk, he looked like he was either gonna faint or punch somebody."  
I pictured Lin's horrified expression and couldn't help but burst with full-body laughter.  
"Now I kinda regret not ditching my work to join you there." Phillipa nodded at my statement.  
"Next time we go somewhere, we'll drag you with us," she pointed her finger as if to threaten me "Even if we have to use force."  
"You'll have to use a lot of it" I retorted, and added in a fake deep tone "I'm not known to yield easily."  
"Then may the force be with us." Jasmine saluted Phillipa, who returned the gesture.  
"Okay there, Yoda," I back talked.  
Renee opened her mouth, probably to compare me to Jar Jar Binks or Anakin, but was disturbed by her phone ringing.  
"Shit, sorry, forgot to put it on silent." She fished it out of her bag and glanced at the screen "Oh, it's Lin."  
"Take it, it's okay" Jasmine assured with a wave of a hand, Phillipa just shrugged.  
"Say hi from us," she added. Renne nodded and tapped the green button.  
"Hi, Lin, what's up?" she remained silent for a second as Lin talked, his voice distorted and muffled but still reaching my ears. Jasmine asked Phillipa something about their next yoga classes, but I let couldn't bring myself to listen to their conversation. Renee was nodding absentmindedly and smiled, excitement lighting up her eyes. She answered, "Oh, I'm in Manhattan, too, we're at Chai Thai with Jazzy and Phillipa, y/n joined us as well. They're saying hi actually."  
Lin's "OH" could be heard more coherently now, drawing the attention of Jasmine and Phillipa. They looked at Renee in confusion, but she just held up her hand.  
"Okay, see you then." She ended her statement with a smirk and threw her phone back into her bag.  
"What did he want? Did he lose his keys again?" A playful grin spread across Jasmine's face. Phillipa giggled.  
"Or did he lock himself in the bathroom again?" she added. My brows shot back.  
"I'll need a backstory for those two later" I retorted and shifted in my seat because my legs were again starting to get sore. Life is a neverending cycle of sore legs and back for a dancer.  
"You'll hear it," Renee assured, "Actually, ask him, he's gonna be here in fifteen."  
She then explained how she asked him to lend her a book, but I was only half focused on her, my mind wandering off. My palms got a bit sweaty, so I rubbed them across my lap. I tried to justify my reaction, placing the blame on Jada and Kirana, and their taunting, or even on those silly Instagram comments saying how cute Lin and I looked. But I simply couldn't deny the fact that my heart started beating a tad faster. I even caught myself trying to fix my hair a little bit as the waiter was placing our dishes on the table.  
The conversation ceased as we were eating, but from time to time one of the girls would continue on the subject of yoga or theatre. I stayed silent, trying to calm a bit, and scolding myself for acting like a teenager whose crush was about to show up. But any fruit of my efforts was crushed when I heard a soft, sweet voice from my right.  
"Damn, I haven't been here in forever!" I looked up and instantly locked eyes with Lin, they were gleaming, but the slight shadow in them, and the bags under them betrayed exhaustion. I let the corners of my lips rise as he stated with a wink "Would come here more often if I knew I'd find all pretty ladies here."  
All of the said ladies snorted synonymously, myself included. Jasmine muttered, her mouth half-full with pad thai, "Idiot."  
"I'm sometimes amazed at how one person can be such a genius and such a dummy at the same time" Renee snickered. Lin pouted as he pulled out a chair to sit next to me, the muscle on his arm flexing. He was wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans, a brown bag was hanging from his shoulder, he swiftly dumped it on the wooden floor.  
"Come on, y/n, a little help?" he placed a hand over his heart. I rolled responded with a smirk, raising my brow.  
"Nah, haven't you heard of women supporting women?" I mused as I toyed with chopsticks. Lin shot me a mock-hurt look.  
"Hear, hear" Phillipa raised her glass of lemonade in salute. I clinked my glass with hers.  
"Just imagine I'm holding a drink, please." Lin raised his hand, holding a phantom glass and clinked it with mine. "To feminism!"  
"To queens fixing each other's crowns!" I smiled, locking eyes with him. A few seconds have passed like that until I heard Renee ask,  
"Lin, do you have that book?"  
I dropped my gaze to my now empty plate.  
"Oh, right, the book." Lin' reached into the bag and handed Renee the book.  
"The Great Believers?" I read the title out loud. I glanced back at Lin, who was already looking my way.  
"It's by Rebecca Makkai, a story about the AIDs epidemic in the 80s. Well, it's about way more than that, but I don't wanna spoil it." He gestured towards Renee. "But you can borrow it once Renee's done with it."  
The whole book-talk made me remember I was supposed to be in the library, and that I had sworn to myself I'd get going as soon as I was finished eating. I glanced at my phone, it was now past 4 p.m.  
"Oh, shit, sorry, I need to get going." I fished out my wallet and placed the money on the table, then added 20% for a tip. I stood up, the rest observing me in confusion. "I was supposed to go to the library to check out some books for work, I'm so sorry, but I need to go."  
I made my way around the table but was halted by Lin's feather-like touch around my wrist.  
"Wait, which library are you going to?" his voice was like a calming balm, but there was only so much it could do to soothe my anxiety. I fixed a stranded piece of hair tucking it behind my ear. I quickly took it back, when I remembered I looked hideous with my hair back.  
"Riverside, it's the closest one." I shrugged. Lin took his hand away as if only now realizing he was still holding my wrist. He grinned.  
"Good, I was actually gonna visit it today, we can go together." He stood up as well. I looked back at the girls. Jasmine and Phillipa were exchanging sly glances. Renee smiled at me warmly and gestured for us to go.  
"Have fun, you two!" she looked as if she was holding laughter in. I shrugged it off as a reaction to my comedic, Cinderella-like exit.  
"It was so much fun having lunch with you, guys. Really, I'm glad you invited me" I placed a hand over my heart.  
"Don't mention it, we should do that again, though" Jasmine rejoiced with a smile. "Now go, do your work."  
"Right, bye!" I turned back to Lin and we made our way out to the street in a rush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, how do you like it? There's more hamfam content in this one, so I hope you find it satisfying (get it?). Please, leave a comment with your opinion. XOXO


	4. Gods, have mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin accompanies y/n to the library and gets to see her give into work. Will that be a pleasant sight? Or will Lin get to see something y/n doesn't want anyone to witness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update (i got my final exam results and simply forgot to write). Thank you for waiting. I hope you like it!

Gods have mercy, this was awkward. Should I be making chatter? That was the chorus my mind was repeating while Lin and I were on our way to the library. For the most part, Lin babbled about "The Great Believers" his hands a blurring into a hazy stroke as he gesticulated like a madman. I was about to ask him whether he'd overdosed on caffeine when I remembered my own addiction.  
The library building made me swoon instantly. The way the light hit the glass elevation, the shine of the marble floors, and most importantly, the smell of books, the sound of pages being flipped, the hushed voices of people exchanging their opinions. A wave of cold air soothed my warm, sun-kissed skin. The beating of my heart got steadier as if it, too, felt at peace.  
I noticed Lin had stopped talking as soon as we stepped inside, he seemed affected by the library's atmosphere as well. His movements slowed, the pace of his walk changed from jumpy and fast, to defined and swift - like a summer storm after a hot and humid day.  
"Where do we start? And where do we end?" he caught my gaze. I had to blink a few times to focus on my surroundings again. I smiled and headed towards the Law section.   
"Well, I'll start here," I tapped the spine of the very first book in the A section, then motioned for him to turn around, pointing in the direction of bookshelves behind him, those were labeled with a Z. "and I'll end here. And you?"  
Lin spun around with an expression that reminded me of a child opening their birthday presents.  
"I was actually gonna just get this one book from the fiction section, but I guess, I'll stick around here and see for myself if you manage to go through all those books." He pulled up a chair from the nearest table. My eyes widened.  
"No, no, no," I hastily objected, shaking my head, and letting my hair spill on my face, then adjusting it back. "Don't bother with me, just do your thing, and I'll be through with it in no time. Please, don't feel obliged to keep me company."  
I clasped my hands together on the last part. He raised one brow and shook his head in amusement, his hair swayed along with his movements.  
"Okay," He raised his hands and took a step back. "I'll go fetch my book, then."  
Once he disappeared in the labyrinth of shelves, I let myself dive into work. Piles, upon piles, of books stacked together on the table, my notes flying everywhere. The pages merged and after some time (half an hour? three hours?) I couldn't tell certain volumes apart. But I knew I was making progress as my notebook pages became filled with quotations of articles, titles, authors, numbers of pages, and chapters. Perfect chaos. An organized one. And one that probably only I could decipher.  
"Y/n?" a hushed voice, laced with concern pulled me out of my haze. My head snapped up and I locked eyes with Lin's. "They're closing in fifteen minutes and we still need to put the books away."  
His tone was so gentle as if he was talking to someone ill. What did he say? That they were closing? My brows creased and I checked the time on my phone. It was 7:45 PM.   
"Oh fuck," I groaned, and massaged my temples. Stretching like a cat, I rose to my feet only to be met by a curtain of darkness. I wobbled on my feet.  
"Woah-woah, hey there, easy." A firm squeeze and my shoulders steadied me as I came to my senses again. Lin's eyes darkened, covered by a veil of worry. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah," I breathed, then realized that I had groped him by his forearms in the midst of my haze. I released his arms, yet his hands remained in place. "I've been sitting for too long, my legs probably fell asleep. Nothing to fuss over."  
He didn't look convinced as he guided me back to the chair.  
"You sit here, I'll get you water."  
I wanted to protest, but he was gone before I managed to part my lips. I inhaled deeply and released the air in a loud huff. My legs were definitely not asleep, because I could feel the soreness of every single one of my muscles. I rubbed my thighs, trying to ease the tension.

After Lin came back with water, he then started to clean up my mess after me (not touching my hand-written notes, though), insisting that I should just remain seated. A knot formed in my stomach at the realization that not only did I drag him here, but now was making him do my work for me. I rose to my feet, slowly this time.  
"Lin, please, let me," I started, but he was back at my side in a flash, pushing me back into my chair.  
"No, you should rest, I can manage," he protested, his tone warm, yet nagging.  
"No, I can manage, I'm rested enough, really." My voice lacked enough strength to get the point across. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Inhale, exhale, inhale. I stood up, pushing Lin away, and made my way around the table. Exhale, inhale. I started putting the remaining books away. Exhale, inhale. A spared glance on the clock - three more minutes. Exhale, inhale.  
"Y/n," Lin started, his voice a whisper. I only now realized how quiet it was, even for a library. We were alone, the library workers probably in other parts of the building. I turned away from the bookshelf after having put away the last book and met his eyes. They examined me from head to toe, I dropped my gaze to the table. I got a glimpse of his face scrunched in confusion as I started gathering my papers. I tried not to think of how he had heard my voice break, seen me almost collapse. It didn't feel right, almost like stripping naked in front of a stranger. But was he a stranger now? After having witnessed this? I held his gaze, unyielding. No, nothing has changed, I hadn't collapsed, not yet. And I wouldn't. Inhale, exhale, inhale.  
"They're closing in a minute. We should go unless we wanna get locked in here."  
I picked up my notes and stashed them in my bag. Lin's eyes carefully observing my actions, but he didn't move to handle anything for me.  
"It wouldn't be half that bad, being locked here," he pointed out and motioned towards the books. "At least the company's great"  
I made my way past him, brushing against his shoulder, causing a breeze to move his hair. I sensed his eyes still trailing after me.   
A smug grin plastered on my face I turned and replied in a sweet voice, "Are you talking about me?"  
"I'm talking about books, dummy."   
We headed towards the exit. The lights were already only half-lit. He held the doors for me. I shot him an approving glance, at which he bowed mockingly. I threw my head back in laughter, my face getting hit with a cooler, evening breeze. It blew the remains of my haze away, sharpening my vision.  
"Come on, Prince Charming, we're gonna miss the train."

The sun was setting, drowning NYC in a golden shower. I was sitting on my fire escape, massaging my calves with tiger balm. An audiobook of "The Greatest Believers" in the background, playing from my phone's speaker. I may, or may have not, inquired Lin for a full description on our way to the sub. He may, or may not have gone on a half an hour rant about the plot points and emotional tool of the book. I may, or may not have listened to every single word. 

Monday, oh my dear, who came up with the idea of Mondays? I contemplated while filling two mugs with fresh coffee. One Americano for my boss, one latte for me in hand I left the shared kitchen-space in the office. Somebody nearly crashed into me as soon as I walked out.  
"Watch where you're going, newbie," a large man that I have seen working at the second floor hissed as he rushed around me. I stiffened for a split second, remembering a hand on my neck, the other on my hip, a reek of alcohol. I sighed loudly and strolled to the boss's office, knowing that today would be another long day.

I left the office in the late afternoon after a prolonged meeting with a client. My lids felt like deadweights, but I somehow managed to get all the paperwork done. As I debated between getting another iced coffee and heading home for a quick nap before my shift at the bar started, my phone hummed in my pocket. I fished it out and peeped at the name on the screen. Noticing it was Jasmine I picked up still a bit bewildered at how in hell did I manage to get Broadway actors calling me every day.   
"Hello?" I made my way towards the closest cafe, having hurriedly decided against a nap. I'd probably wake up even more tired anyway.  
"Hi, y/n, hope I'm not disturbing you?" Jasmine was breathing heavily. A tinge of worry stung me in the guts.  
"No, no, has something happened?" I fidgeted. I could hear a slight echo of voices in the background of the call.  
"I'm just coming back home from a jog," she assured. "But actually, I have a slight problem and was hoping you'd help."  
My brows wrinkled, I wasn't certain how I could be of any assistance, nevertheless, answered hesitantly, "Sure, whatever you need me to do."  
"Come to the show on Thursday," she shot, her words not registering in my mind.  
"Wait what," I said in a flat tone. She couldn't be serious. Or was I misunderstanding her?  
"Come see Hamilton this Thursday. 9 P.M., Richard Rogers Theatre." The amusement in her voice was like a bucket of cold water. I squeezed in between some dumb tourists who've decided to halt in the middle of the sidewalk.  
"Are kidding? I mean, I don't even have that kind of money," I stuttered while turning around the corner and entering the 2nd Avenue where my favorite Cafe was. Hamilton tickets were way above my budget right now.   
"I know, I wouldn't ask you to spend that much money," she hastily explained. "Cast members can get free tickets for their loved ones. I'll give you mine."  
Okay, that would be much better for my budget, but that still didn't explain why she'd need me there. I voiced my confusion as I entered the cafe. The smell of coffee and sweet pastries hitting me with full force as soon as the door closed behind me. I joined a small queue to the register.  
"Jasmine, that's really kind of you, but I still don't get how that would be of any favor to you," I let amusement tint my voice. Was that some kind of a grotesque dream in which I'm given Broadway tickets on an actress's whim? "I mean, you haven't told me what the point of this charade is."  
"Oh, right sorry!" she sounded slightly embarrassed. "It's just...well, it may seem a bit weird, so if you don't wanna be involved in it, you can just say no. Okay?"  
"Okaaay?" I trailed off, there was only one person before me, so I only half-listened to her while choosing my order.   
"So, the thing is," she started as I approached the register. "We wanna poke fun at Lin and maybe embarrass him a bit. And your presence is key."  
"What the fuck?" I spitted... right at the very confused barista. I shot him an apologetic look. "Sorry, one soy latte, please."  
I handed him my card, still red on the face. Jasmine was trying to muffle her laughter, but she still could be heard giggling. I rolled my eyes.  
"Jasmine, explain to me please, how would it exactly embarrass Lin?"   
Her laughter ceased, but she still sounded amused as she responded, "Well, we got a bet that he wouldn't be able to spot in the crowd a person I invited. Specifically, he wouldn't be able to spot three people placed there by me, Daveed and Renee."  
The barista handed my back my card and motioned for me to move over to the other side of the counter where the other worker was already making my latte. I nodded in thanks and did just that.  
"That's so damn stupid," I choked. My voice betraying the utter astonishment I felt. How was that even a real situation?   
Jasmine was silent for a second, but then muttered calmly, "Sure, sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it's weird."  
My eyes went wide as her voice faltered on the last two words.   
"That's not what I meant." The coffee was handed to me and I made my way to a small table. "It's stupid, so you should count me in."

Jasmine dropped the ticket off on Wednesday. We went for a quick coffee together after I got off from my day job. That night I had to work extra hours at the club, which earned me double my paycheck in tips. There was a group of "Wallstreet businessmen" who celebrated their epic win on the sales market. Part of that celebration was getting a VIP room and getting wasted there. And just imagine how generous rich businessmen with god complex grow after just a few drinks.   
Because of the late-night work, I almost slept in on Thursday. Wednesdays and Fridays were always the most exhausting days: they started with a 4 A.M. four-hour ballet practice, followed by 9-5 in the office, and ended with a night at the club. That's the reason why I decided to go straight home from work on Thursday so I could catch some sleep before seeing Hamilton. It would be quite embarrassing to fall asleep during the play after all.  
My alarm woke me up at 7, leaving me with two hours to get ready and head off to theatre. After a hot shower that helped relax my sore muscles (it was a sore back day), I started getting my makeup and hair done. I opted for a glamorous look, with dark brown lids and nude lipgloss. Deciding against complicated hairstyles, I left them loose but added a golden hair clip on the back. A quick checkup in the mirror left me with a self-satisfied smirk. I looked good. I wasn't sure why I even cared so much about my looks since I wasn't going on a date with anybody. Nevertheless, I opted for my best, silk gown, that hugged my body perfectly. A low back cut showed off my muscles. A long slit for my leg helped with operating on high stiletto heels... and it did wonders for my legs. I smoothed down the material, making sure it wasn't wrinkled anywhere.   
I left my house half an hour before the show started, my heart beating two times faster in excitement. On my way to the subway station, I was met with obscene gestures and comments from some males. I remained silent and fastened my pace, trying to get to the theatre sooner. Jada's various jokes about killing all men echoed in my mind. Yep, she was definitely right.  
Any hope for the situation getting better in the train subsided as soon as I walked in. A fifty-plus looking man, dressed in a sports jersey, whistled in my direction, successfully drawing all the passengers attention towards us.   
"Ay, there, Legs, where you goin' dressed like that?" his voice was rasped, his accent betrayed he was southern. I rolled my eyes and not acknowledging him, took a spot on the opposite end of the wagon. I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through Instagram. Letting the sounds surrounding me disappear (the nasty guy was still commenting on how my legs should be worshipped in bed), I put in my headphones and put on music. A notification from messenger disrupted me, it was a text from Silvia, Jada's girlfriend.  
Silvia: GIRL CHECK TWITTER!/ J  
Silvia: LIN'S ACCOUNT! /J  
Silvia: Sorry, she got my phone, but DO check twitter tho  
My brows shot up and I almost dropped my phone when a new notification made it buzz. This time it was just a text.  
Jada: YOU should've told me you went to the library with LIN!  
Oh, so that's what it was about. During Jada's and my lunch together on Tuesday, I've told her I'd went to the library the day before. I've skipped the fact that I was there with Lin in fear that she would yet again taunt me.   
Guessing that she got the info from Lin's twitter by some miracle, I opened the app to check for myself. There were a few from today, even more from yesterday. How did this man have some much time to waste on twitter? I could only bother to check Instagram every once in a while. I went through tweets from Tuesday and there it was. A photo of me surrounded by books, hunched over a piece of paper, a curtain of hair keeping my face from view. The caption said:  
"Inspiring to see somebody write like they're running out of time. She's not even aware I'm still here!"  
Embarrassment dawned on me as I tried to recall when in hell did he take that picture. Was I really so out of it that I didn't even notice? I shook my head in disbelief, making my hair fall slightly to my face.  
I went to the replies, a lot of people were puzzled with who I was, but some recognized me from Jasmine's Instagram. They were overall very supportive, most of them looking like those:  
@abc1: I understand that reference!   
@abc2: Wait, is this Lin's gf?  
@abc3: Being surrounded by that many books is my ultimate goal in life!  
@abc4: That's y/n from Jasmine's insta, right? Or am I tripping?  
@abc5: wtf is she and why do people think she's Lin's girlfriend?  
I could relate the last comment's former part. WHY were people so obsessed with the thought of me and Lin as a couple. We barely knew each other.  
A realization hit me like a brick across the face and it took all my will power not the smack my head against the pole that I was holding onto. They will be even more obsessed when they learn that I went to Hamilton tonight. Oh, come on!  
Remembering that it was Jada who made me check twitter, I quickly responded to her:  
"Okay, I might have not told you that part, but have you seen people's comments? They already think us to be a couple and you seem to agree with that!"  
She hit my back immediately with:  
"Fair point, but I already told you I wouldn't tease you. But it does look kinda suspicious that you've hidden that fact from me."  
I smacked my head against the pole I was leaning on earning myself a concerned look from co-passengers. Gods, have mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, how to you like it? Please, leave your opinion below!


	5. Eyes on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Lin spot y/n in the crowd or will Jasmine win their bet? Also, Y/n's overworking herself, what's new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hello! Hello! Here's chapter 5! ENJOY!

The Richard Rodgers Theatre was flooding with people - all dressed to the nines. Blinding flashes of the clicking cameras, glimmer of jewels, and intoxicating smell of merged perfume, making me dizzy. I tried to wiggle my way to the entrance, attempting not to push anybody. Jasmine told me to skip the queue as she had spoken with the guard to let me in as soon as I arrived. Now it seemed easier to just stand in line, but I trusted Jasmine, so I still squeezed in between people to make my way. Various voices of protest, some annoyed, some straight-up disgusted reached my ears. Hoping to look like I was supposed to be in the front, I tried to compose myself. After having straightened my back and raised my chin, the protests ceased. Huh, maybe I should act as if I knew what I was doing more often since it seemed to bring quick results.   
At the entrance, my ticket got checked. After a thorough once-over from the bodyguard, I was allowed in. Two girls in their late teens or early twenties still waiting in line could be heard gossiping in hushed voices.  
"Who does she think she is?" one with short blonde hair inquired in a mean manner. If I was dressed to the nines, she was dressed to the tens. A long burgundy velvet gown hugged her waist and pooled from hips down.  
The other girl giggled, making her black curly hair bounce. She was wearing almost the same looking dress as the other girl but in gold.  
"Welcome, Miss Y/l/n, enjoy the show" the guard motioned for me to go inside, pulling me away from the gossip.  
Pure awe dawned upon me as I took in the interior of the theatre. Seeing halls this magnificent, with high ceilings and low-hanging chandeliers, one could only imagine how breath-taking the actual auditorium would be.  
The crowd flowed towards the door at the end of the hallway. I decided to follow behind in hopes of finding the right way. I was soon seated in the front row of the mezzanine section. Here I could easily observe people flood in and take their seats. They all seemed to be buzzing with energy, not being able to wait to see the show. Some stretched their necks in an attempt to see the stage better, some relished the interior design. I proved to be one of the latter twisting my neck to see the grand chandelier and stunning frescos of dancing figures. It was a way better location compared to one I got in London. And now I'll get to see the original cast perform. Lin as Alexander. I bit down a smile, wondering how in hell was he supposed to spot me from so far. When doing ballet, I learned that you could really only see the very first few rows, further ones blurred together. Nope, no way he'll even recognize me.

My point was proven to be wrong during Winter's Ball as Lin looked directly into my eyes and nodded at me with his last "Hey". I burst out laughing along with the rest of the audience. They were just amused by the play, while I was amazed by Lin's skill. He really did have eagle eyes.

We haven't locked eyes until the very end when during the curtain call, he casually saluted in my direction, our gazes still connected. I snorted loudly, the sound disgusting because I had been crying since Philip's death, then bawling my eyes out during "Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story". Wary of my makeup still being there I patted my under-eye area with a tissue, trying to wipe the tears away.   
The audience stood to applaud the performance once again, me following as well. The applause ringed in my ears, lasting for a few minutes even after the cast has left the stage.  
People gathered to leave the auditorium, sniffles, and buzzing excitement resonating in the room. My temples began to throb from crying as I was leaving my row behind an elderly pair. I carefully massaged them and slowly made my way out.  
"Miss Y/l/n?" a low voice made me snap my head up. A theater employee was standing at the end of my row, his brows high up.   
"Yes, that's me?" my voice, still hoarse from crying, made it sound like a question. I cleared my throat and tried again, "That's me, y/n y/l/n."  
The man extended his arm for me to grab as I left my row of seats. "I was instructed to bring you backstage after the show. Follow me, if you will," he explained, though confusing me more in the result. Has Jasmine really organize for me to go backstage? I knew from experience how chaotic it would be behind the curtain, so wasn't sure if inviting an outsider over was quite a smart thing to do. Nevertheless, I followed the employee through the halls to the backstage door. We passed the two gossip girls on our way earning astonished glances from them. I barely stopped myself from sticking my tongue out. I'm an adult, a respectable woman.  
Backstage was wild, with laughter and cheers echoing the many hallways. I glanced around looking for Jasmine, but not spotting her. Deciding against wandering off into the maze of identical-looking walls and doors, I turned back to the employee... who vanished somewhere. Great.  
Praying to remember my way back, I turned right and went down that hallway in hopes of finding somebody to guide me to Jasmine.  
"There you are, I've been looking for you," somebody behind me sounded, their voice husky. I whipped around just to be met by Lin's twinkling gaze. He was still wearing his Hamilton costume, with hair falling on his face in single strands, and a water bottle in hand.  
"Oh, I know, guess you won the bet!" I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. His brows scrunched for a second, but then realization hit his face.  
"Almost, still have to connect the planted people with cast members, but I'm pretty sure I got you right." A smug grin spread across his lips. I rolled my eyes at that.  
"How can you be so sure? Though, it must seem easy for such a genius" I teased with a smirk and a poke to Lin's chest. I flipped my hair on my back. It was really hot and stuffy there, making me appreciate that I was wearing a spaghetti-strap dress. My movement drew Lin's gaze making it darken. Or was that just an illusion caused by artificial lighting of the hallway?  
"Well, it was even too easy to spot you in the audience, you didn't even bother not to stand out!" he accused, his eyes lighting up again. I snorted, only he could call sitting quietly in the mezzanine "standing out". After all, he wasn't one to sit quietly at any time. He had to scooch over closer to me to make way for a crew technician carrying over a huge box, as he continued. "I saw you as soon as I got to the front to say my first line. I was just waiting for an opportunity to let you know."  
I snorted at the memory of his "Hey" directed towards me. "Okay, now I'm even more impressed. Are you sure you're human? Maybe I should make sure you're not a robot?"  
At the last words, I poked his arm in accusation. He then mimicked a robot dance, and said in a monotone voice:  
"I'm RoboCop two-thousand, I'll chop your head off!"  
He reached towards me, a water bottle still in one hand, pretending to aim for my neck. I squealed and dodged almost tripping over my gown. A real prima ballerina.  
I snatched the bottle from his hand and exclaimed in triumph, "AHA! I have a liquid and I'm not afraid to use it!"  
This seemed to throw him off as he bent over in laughter. A feminine, silvery giggle could be heard from behind me. I turned and faced Jasmine, already in her casual clothing - a black tank top and jeans.  
"If you kids are done here, Daveed told me to tell you," She pointed at Lin with a smile "that he would not be paying you until you connect the people."  
Lin's smile only grew as he moved closer to me. "Well, tell Daveed," he began in a self-satisfied manner "that he will be paying me, I'm already close to deciding whether it was Renee or him who planted Emily here. And as for you Jasmine, I seem to have found your plus one."  
He placed a hand on my bare back at the last statement, making shivers rise on my skin despite the hot air. I felt a wave of heat spill across my face.   
"Shit" Jasmine fished out a ten-dollar bill from her back pocket. Lin accepted it with a bow making both me and Jasmine roll our eyes.  
"Don't be so smug with yourself" I failed at sounding threatening coming off as teasing in the result.   
"Really, and what will you do? Spill my water on me and run?" He tilted his head towards the end of the hallway where I came from and leaned on the wall, successfully blocking my way "I'll catch you before you find your way out."  
I was about to retaliate him with something witty about how he'd never catch me wearing 18th-century slippers and tights but was cut short by Jasmine.  
"Wait, why are you actually here Y/n? I thought you would go straight home."  
My brows creased mirroring her confused expression. Whatever did she mean by "why are you here"?  
"Wait a second, didn't you call for me to be brought here?" My question seemed to throw her off even more. Before I could explain to her how an employee had approached me after the play, Lin raised his hands to draw our attention.   
"Well, I should probably explain that I was the one to send for you, not Jazzy," he chimed in, scratching the back of his head. Jasmine's lips formed a perfect "O" as realization lit her face.  
"Alright then, I actually should get going." She rushed to kiss me on a cheek, leaving me stunned before I could even register what was happening. "Bye, Y/n, text me later!"  
And just like that, she was gone, leaving Lin and me alone in the hallway. It was getting quieter and quieter with each minute as the cast and crew members scattered around to prepare to go home. Nevertheless, it was still loud enough for my temples to throb again.  
"Well, that was weird" I shrugged. Having remembered Lin's confession, I turned back to him. He was toying with his sleeves, his fingers in constant movement. I had to raise my voice a bit because somebody was currently yelling down the hall something about the delivery guy arriving. "What did you send for me for?"  
His face lit up and he extended his arm for me to grab.   
"I want to know everything about your experience with Hamilton, but first let's find somewhere quieter."

I probably spent over half an hour lecturing him about the show's perfection, having long forgotten that he was the one all behind it. He didn't seem bothered though, actually, on the contrary, his face lit up every time I mentioned the utter brilliance of the characterization, narrative, the lyrics. I was seating at a couch in his dressing room while he was taking off his stage makeup. At some point, he excused himself (or actually excused me to leave), so he could change.   
When he let me back in, he was wearing a black Hamilton merch shirt (only he could rock his show's own merch like that) and grey sweatpants. He then proceeded to pack his things up. I stood, a bit confused at his rush.  
"Chris texted me, he told me to hurry up and go to the stage door to meet fans," he explained, his eyes apologetic. "I totally forgot, can you imagine?"  
That didn't sound like a question to be answered, so I remained silent for a second, fidgeting in my place.  
"Well, then I'll get going," I started, pointing towards the exit "I don't wanna keep you from fans, plus I have to wake up early for work."  
Lin stopped forcing piles of papers into his bag and shot me a confused look.  
"First of all, you're here for my benefit," he moved closer, his brows wrinkled.   
Tilting my head, I got a clear view of shadows under his eyes, making me worry about his state. He was doing those shows so often... and delivering such a genius performance each time. After a second of silence, he added, almost like an after-thought "I got ten dollars thanks to you!"  
I smacked him on the shoulder, mumbling "stupid".  
"So," he continued, growing serious again "I'll drive you home, or rather, I'll get a taxi with you, so you don't have to ride a subway at night."  
I wanted to protest, but as soon as I parted my lips, he stopped me with a head shake.  
"Second of all, and please be honest with me," his voice was laced with some thick emotion that I couldn't quite recognize yet "Do you sleep? You seem to be working every day."  
I almost shot back with "It's cause I am!", but then I remembered, nearly regretfully that I did have Saturdays and Sundays off and only had my ballet classes then.   
My voice sounding pleased as I retaliated, "I have weekends all to myself!"  
He didn't appear convinced, his face crumpled in doubt as if to say "Now don't you lie."  
"Mhmm, and didn't you tell Jasmine that you were working last Saturday?" he prompted mockingly. His eyes shaded for a second as he continued, his voice still teasing but slightly off, "or did you have a secret date?"  
I rolled my eyes so hard it almost hurt. Not him saying I'm dating somebody.   
"I was at work, covering for a co-worker, and I'm not dating anybody." I took a step back and crossed my arms. "I'm single and happy, thank you very much!"  
Lin also took a quick step back as if he got burned. His face crumpled, hair falling in his face due to sudden movement. My heart hammering against my ribs, I whipped around towards the exit. Lin's hand was immediately on my forearm. I gasped, his unexpected action startling me. He took his hand away instantly, raising both of his palms for me to see.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come off like that, and I shouldn't have grabbed you. But I wanted to apologize before you left."   
He seemed to be truly remorseful of his words. I nodded, but still, put my hand on the knob.  
"I know, you just surprised me a bit, no need to worry. I really should go, though. I'll take a taxi," I promised after seeing he wanted to argue. "Go meet your fans!"  
"Wait, please." He moved back to me, slower this time, and still having his hands on display. "It's okay to be single, to not date, and... I'm sorry to have suggested it isn't."  
A faint smile crept to my lips, causing me to want to bite it down. Just knowing that I looked ridiculous biting my lips stopped me from it. I leaned a tad closer to Lin and took my hand from the knob. I slowly pulled his still spread arms down and put my hands in his.   
"Let's go make your fans happy!" I pulled him to the exit and released his hands.  
And with that, we all but ran out, a touch still lingering there, as if it never left.

All the people gathered outside shrieked when Lin opened the stage door, making my headache return. Lin saw me to the taxi first, but only after being assured by me repeatedly that I'd be okay going home alone and that he should hang out with his fans. I paused before entering the cab, not knowing whether I should just wave or maybe hug Lin as a goodbye.   
"Well, thank you," I started, leaning my hands on the cab's door. "for the magnificent experience. I mean, Hamilton is just... just!"  
I threw my hands in the air at the last word earning a sunshine-like smile from him. It made me wonder how the sun will rise in the morning, knowing it shall be forever outshined by Lin's smile.  
"Well, then, goodnight" I waved rigidly and ducked in the cab immediately. Lin's response was cut short by the door shutting after me. 

The next morning was absolute hell. I fell asleep in the subway on my way to ballet almost missing my stop. Next, I ripped my thighs when putting them on. Thank gods for Jada's spare pair, though its color didn't match my skin tone earning me a dress-code strike from our instructor. At work, I again ran into the very same rude man from the second floor, this time he skipped on offensive comments, but gave me a once-over. Then my boss made me work after hours, saying I had to prepare her material for the next day's meeting. 

After having to spend an additional hour and a half in the office, I had to run to the subway station to make it in time for my shift at the club. My legs pulsated with pain making it hard to even stand, so I leaned heavily on the train's side. All I desired was to have a seat for a few minutes and bury my head in hands to at least for some time spare my eyes from the overwhelming brightness of artificial lights. Massaging my throbbing temples I let my eyes close as I slowly slid to the dirty subway floor just so I could at least crouch for a second.  
"Here, honey, you need to sit," a sweet voice reached me, but only partially as if my head was underwater. I gradually raised my head and was met with an older woman's kind eyes. She had her ebony arm stretched towards me, not thinking much I grabbed it for support. It turned out I very much needed help standing up and getting to the seat she freed for me. I mumbled a low thank you. She said something about me having to go home and rest. I only half-listened trying to will the unyielding ringing in my ears away. Having remembered that I was on a moving train, I checked the next station. One more and I'd have to get off.   
When I stood up, I was met with a dark veil spreading across my vision in a quick burst. Just like in the library I wobbled on my feet but didn't sit down again, commanding myself to just carry on. Just a few hours and I'd be home. Having blinked away the remains of the curtain, I made my way to the club knowing I was already half an hour late.

Sitting at the bar were three figures I recognized. Leah was tending to them with a glamorous smile worthy of a Hollywood star. Mia, leaning on the bar was pointing out different options in the drink menu. She spotted me as I made my way to the bar.  
"Look who decided to finally show up!" She drew Leah's attention with a wave of a hand.   
"I'm so sorry, I got held off in the office and came directly here as soon as possible. It won't happen again." Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I went behind the counter.  
"I hope it doesn't. You're closing tonight." She tossed me the keys, almost hitting me in the face. They hit the floor with a loud rattle that made my head pulse. I inhaled deeply and squatted to pick them up and had to steady myself for a second before rising to my feet again. When I shifted towards where Mia was, she has already vanished. I shrugged and leaned on the counter, directly before Lin, Daveed and Leslie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, how did you like it? Please, leave your opinion below :)


	6. Decisions, decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will y/n manage to get through the night? And how will Lin react seeing her state?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's chapter six. Hope you'll enjoy it

"You look like shit," Lin grumbled as soon as I leaned in front of the three guys, his eyes wide. My brows shot up at this due to my not fully understand his meaning. I knew I didn't even have time to brush my hair before coming here, but I didn't think I looked that bad.  
"Way to greet your girl!" Daveed, with an appalled expression, slapped Lin on the back of the head causing him to almost hit the counter nose-first. Leslie and I snorted at that simultaneously. Lin shook off Daveed's hand. His whine could only be partly heard, muffled by the booming music - it sounded like "Shut up, idiot!" but I couldn't be sure. Deciding to ignore that, I tossed my ponytail playfully in an attempt to feign confidence.  
"I may look shitty, but I still look better than you, Miranda." I turned to the register as a new customer approached the counter. My legs gave up a bit causing me to stumble but I steadied myself on the edge of the bar hoping nobody saw that.   
"Oh, really?" he inquired, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Not paying attention to him, I served two customers, before turning back to the three Broadway stars. I managed to catch them debating on something in hushed yet eager voices. Leslie shook his head in disapproval but threw his hands in the air giving up at something Daveed had said. The latter looked so agitated he was just a step away from fully bouncing on his seat. Lin's eyes snapped to mine and remained there, fixated, as he mused, his voice thick.  
"Your eyes could put the brightest of stars to shame. Your hair as perfect as silk sheets of the richest monarch you could name, shining like a pirate's treasury " His gesticulation accelerated, drawing my attention back and forth from his words to hands and back again. A wide, radiant grin spread across his face. "Your lips as sweet as Raspberry Bellini make-"  
"Somebody," I stopped him from continuing as he was drawing breath, my brows and corners of lips lifting slightly "has clearly been looking at the Dulux color chart."  
Daveed's whole body shook uncontrollably in an attempt to muffle giggling. Leslie didn't restrain himself and boomed with laughter drawing attention from some party-goers. At that Lin held up his finger, his expression growing cloudy.  
"And yet," he continued in the same honeyed voice, but this time with no smile in sight "your eyes dim like a midnight sky on a new moon, hair lustreless like a piece of long-forgotten jewelry facing its doom... Your lips pale and missing their perfect shape as their corners weight down, making me gape."  
Crimson heat crept into my cheeks, a knot formed in my stomach. Did he just call me out on my appearance? He may have his shiny, voluptuous hair and glimmering eyes, but...ugh! My fists clenched on the edge of the bar, knuckles paling.   
"No more drinking tonight for you, sir" I snatched Lin's empty glass from before him, his eyes went wide. I whipped around on my tippy toes, causing piercing pain shot through my sore legs. A strangled moan escaped from between my lips as my vision blurred. I reached to grab the closest steady surface for balance, but with no result. All the club lights merged, creating a rainbow spiral around me. A booming sound shot through my ears, was it the music? Or somebody's voice? Slowly, not sure if I moved at all, I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to focus. Inhale, exhale, in, out, in, out.   
"Y/n?" a distorted, distant voice reached my ears, muffled as if I was underwater. A steady, yet feather-like gentle grip on my right arm led me somewhere. "Sit here, easy, easy."  
I knew that voice, so tender, but still making my ears ring. It reminded me of the final act of Swan Lake when Odette decides to give up. A delicate push to my shoulders guided me into a chair. My vision still hazy, I could make out a dark patch in front of me. Dark, shiny hair, a beam of light... a set of eyes?  
"Y/n can you hear me?" This voice again. Lin, that was Lin. And he's asked me something. I squeezed my lids shut, then blinked a few times to regain focus. The spiraling lights disappeared, booming of music quietened, now just a rhythmic thud rattled my ribs with each beat. My eyes found Lin's worried gaze, his lips slightly parted, brows halfway up on his forehead.   
"There you are," he whispered, his breath a frail blow on my face. He was crouched down in front of my chair, our heads on a similar level. "Can you hear me now?"  
I nodded slowly, not even sure if I was moving at all. My eyes wandered off behind Lin, but the background was still blurred. I could feel nausea building up in my stomach, so I fixed my gaze on Lin. I wouldn't even be able to vomit, I realized, because I haven't eaten today. In ballet classes, I was way too absorbed with my dress-code violation to care about eating and in the office, I simply didn't have time. I moaned, my head falling to the side.  
"We'll get you to a hospital, okay?" His hand grazed my shoulder. I shivered, which made me notice I've been shaking significantly for some time now, sweat covering my back. The AC was on, blowing cold air right at the neck.   
A long shadow grew behind Lin, I had to blink again to make Daveed and Leslie out.  
"The other bartender says she's got it all covered for the night," Leslie stated, concern thick in his voice and visible in wrinkles on his forehead. I nodded before his words had a chance to register. No, no, no, I can't leave, Mia would murder me. Or fire me. Plus I didn't have that kind of money to cover for hospital bills.   
I stood abruptly but was back again in my chair as Lin pressed on my shoulders with some force now. The club lights began to merge again.   
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Now, exhale.  
Last words in my mind mixed with Lin's voice as he used the very same phrasing to command me to breathe.   
Realizing I've let myself be weak for too long, I peeled Lin's hands from my shoulders in one decided move. He opened his mouth to protest, but I was already steading myself to a standing position. Not having much of a choice, he stepped back but held his hands to secure me.  
"I'm staying here, I'm okay now," I stated, my voice hoarse. Hoping to seem confident about my actions, I straightened my back and shook Lin's hand off to get back to my place at the bar. Having plastered a wide smile to my face, I, mindful of my movements, turned back to the three astounded men. "Another round?"  
Daveed's jaw dropped, brows furrowed, making me think of a blowfish. Leslie's eyes jumped between me, already at the bar, and Lin, who still stood next to the chair they pulled out from me. I waved at them inviting them to sit again and made my way around Leah for a bottle of water. Chugging it down should help me focus. Leah's grave expression caught my attention.  
"A false call, you don't need to cover for me," I explained with a smile still on my face, hoping she wouldn't inquire about the situation further. She didn't look convinced, however just shrugged and turned to serve a customer.  
"You can lie to her all you want, but we've seen what happened," a voice from behind me reached me. It still sounded a bit muffled, as I was remaining slightly dizzy, but I recognized it belonged to Lin. Having opened the water bottle, I slowly turned around and started drinking. I noticed Daveed and Leslie have disappeared somewhere, leaving their glasses half-full. "And if you don't want to talk about it, I get it, but just so you know, If you want to talk, I'll listen."  
He shifted on the barstool, leaning slightly forward. One strand of his hair dangled on the left side of his face, it bounced off the club lighting, making me want to tuck it back.   
"And," he continued with a stern look, yet his voice gentle, "for what's my opinion worth, I think you should call your boss and head home early. See a doctor in the morning if you don't wanna go to a hospital tonight."  
The bottle popped as I downed the water, I turned on the tap and filled it again, avoiding Lin's gaze. There's no way I could leave early, not without consequences. Maybe Mia wouldn't fire me on the spot, but she'd definitely cause a ruckus. And I didn't have any energy to spare on managing with her anger...I didn't have any energy at all, I realized as the floor beneath me seemed to move when I turned from the tap back to Lin. I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled deeply. Maybe I could call Max to cover a few hours tonight for me? He did owe me for last Saturday after all.   
Leaning on the counter, I asked in a hushed voice that matched my exhaustion to the note, "Where are Leslie and Daveed?"  
Lin's eyes were fixed on me, following every movement since I started displaying my unfit state. They were so dark I could just drown in them, the abyss surrounding me, covering me in a soft blanket.   
"They went to buy you something to eat, so you'd feel better." He checked his watch "They should be back in a minute."  
I glanced at the time as well, trying to figure out, how long would I have to wait for Max had I called him. It was quarter past 8 P.M., so if I called him now, he'd probably arrive at 8:45 P.M. sparing me over 5 hours of working. I toyed with my phone for a few seconds before writing:  
"Hi, it's y/n, I'm at the bar and not feeling well, is there a chance you could come over and cover for me?"  
I glanced up and saw Lin was still observing me but was not leaning so forward anymore. My brows shot up in a questioning look. Why was he so involved? There was no harm done to me, and with each passing minute, my headache was getting better, surrounding getting steadier and more focused.   
"Will you be going home?" His voice was so gentle and eyes so hopeful it made a knot form in my stomach. Suddenly, I felt I'd do anything to make him content.   
A notification from my phone pulled me back into reality with a loud chime. There was a response from Max.  
"No problem, I'll be there in 20. Thanks for covering for me on Sat."  
I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and pulled the tie from my ponytail, making my hair cover my face almost entirely. I quickly brushed it all away, letting out a long sigh.  
"Yeah, my coworker will cover for me." My eyes were drawn to a sudden movement at the club's door. Daveed and Leslie returned with a smoothie and fries for me. This time I felt my smile reach my eyes. 

I haven't had such a good sleep in ages, I thought as I stretched in bed, kicking sheets away. My bedroom was not yet fully lit with morning sunshine, but the sunrise cast long shadows and golden rays to dance on the ceiling and walls. Having checked the time, I realized I'd woken up way too early and still had a moment for a long nap before heading off to ballet classes. I yawned and rolled to my other side, dozing off immediately. 

I ignored Lin's advice about going to see a doctor. The new wave of energy from a full night sleep and a free afternoon proved it was only a temporary bad day. Probably only lack of food that day caused me to go dizzy. For now, I could just shrug it off and make sure I ate semi-regularly, and I'd be swell.   
But you almost collapsed in the library, too, and you ate that day, a voice, suspiciously similar to Lin's gruff tone, echoed in my mind. I told it to shut up and let me relax for a change.   
I was sitting on my fire escape, sipping iced tea, and listening to the last few chapters of "The Greatest Believers". I slowly massaged my feet, covering them in balm to help soothe the pain. Today in class we were told we would soon start preparing for the Christmas season, but first, we would perform at a festival for charity. I hoped we wouldn't put out The Nutcracker, it was way too common, the melody now making me gag each time I heard it in a mall every December. I was counting on getting to perform Don Quixote or La Esmeralda - those were a bit less popular but still, they were classics that everybody should get a chance to perform in. And if I scored a big role...a lead one... maybe I'd finally get some recognition from my craft.   
I sighed, leaning my head on my knee and letting my lids close. Yesterday night was awful, but once I'd eaten, I stopped shaking so much and regained focus. At least, I earned myself a story from Daveed about how once he forgot to eat before performing in Hamilton and caused himself to almost fall of stairs on stage in the middle of "What'd I miss". Lin, on the other hand, explained the difficulty of timing your meal time perfectly, so you wouldn't feel heavy or burp during performing. He and Leslie then argued for about ten minutes whether 2 or half an hour was better. They used such silly insults towards each other, I almost died laughing. How did Lin come up with "I'll boil your teeth" and "You absolute, abomination of a shit goblin". Each time either Leslie or Lin tried to sound serious, Daveed would mimic their gesticulations in such an exaggerated manner, I'd burst out laughing again. By the end of their dispute, my abdomen hurt so much I could feel a sixpack forming there. I was also hiccuping so much, Daveed had to attempt to scare me seven different times in six minutes with no result. Lin then proceeded to explain his own method to hiccups - one person has to hold your nose as you keep your hand lift up and hold your breath. Yeah, I didn't try that.  
I giggled as I recalled that. How on Earth was his mind so brilliant and beautiful creating art, but such a dumpster at the same time?

On Sunday I got a call from Jada inviting me over for an early dinner and wine with Silvia. I rolled my eyes at the offer, third-wheeling, my favorite. When I expressed that out-loud, Jada just giggled.  
"Then you should get someone to come with you, silly." Her voice betrayed a sly smug that was apparently forming on her face. I so wanted to flick her off with a middle finger.  
"Oh, shut up, dude," I groaned, falling back on the cushions on my couch. I'd been soaking my feet in warm water while working on my boss's emails before Jada called.   
"Come on, a double date, it'll be fun!" she sounded unyielding. I knew there was no getting out of coming over without having to argue my way out, but I truly didn't wanna third-wheel. Last time I went out with just the two of them, I ended up doing a gig as a couple-photographer - and I can't even take a decent photo if my life depended on it.  
"I don't even have anybody I could take," I opposed, trying to make my voice sound stern. "And, second of all, there would be no date! I'm not dating."  
I could sense her rolling her eyes so hard it probably must hurt. Before she could respond in any way, I continued, "Ask Kirana to go with you, dude."  
Having hung up on her so she didn't have time to react, I opened Twitter.  
There were some new posts from Lin.   
From Thursday night:  
@Lin_Manuel: @ the person in the audience who was silently mouthing every word tonight, you good? Like? How did you manage to do that during Non-stop???  
@Lin_Manuel: The sun is gone, but you remain undimmed and glorious. Goodnight  
From Friday:  
@Lin_Manuel: Good morning! Even with the sun up, you remain the most radiant object in the universe.   
@Lin_Manuel: Eat your fucking dinner and stay hydrated. Goodnight!  
And one from yesterday:  
@Lin_Manuel: I need a blanket fort, but I don't have enough blankets. A tragedy.  
I snorted having read the last entry. What was he, twelve? Well, he was an absolute dork, that for sure.  
An idea hit me suddenly, my lips spreading into a wide grin. Now knowing whether I should follow suit, I toyed with my phone. Would that be weird? Well, I didn't have his number, so doing it through Twitter was the only option. I started typing a reply, my nails making a clicking sound every time I hit the screen:  
@y/n: @Lin_Manuel should we combine our building supplies and make the greatest blanket fort in history?  
Having sent it and closed the app, I threw my phone on the couch and went to dry off my feet leaving wet spots on the floor. My mom would go utterly crazy-mad seeing water on wooden panels - once my dad spilled beer on their living-room floors and before he could even fetch a mop, mom was already there lecturing him about the importance of drying it off instantly.   
As I cleaned my entire apartment (it needed a thorough clean since I haven't had time to do any chores for a week now) I started regretting posting a reply to Lin. After all, people on twitter didn't know we were acquaintances in real life and would think me to be some psycho hitting him up online. Shit, shit, shit. I ran through the hallway to the living room, managing to hit my pinkie on a doorframe. I cursed under my breath and jumped on one leg to go retrieve my phone. It was buried so deep between the cushions I had to throw them all on the floor to find it.  
My heart beating faster than necessary, I went on to delete my post. There were some replies already. I groaned, debating whether to read them. I sat back on the couch and started massaging my hurt foot. Did I want to see myself being called a weirdo? Biting my lips so hard it was a wonder it didn't bleed, I scrolled down. Two Lin stan accounts commented:  
@abc: @y/n IT'S HAPPENING! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!  
@abc2: @y/n I need to see it  
One person was confused about who I was, but the latter account explained I was "a girl seen hanging out with the Hamilsquad and that Lin posted here simping over".  
I huffed, simping, do these people even have eyes? Cursing myself for having caused yet another reason to taunt me about dating, I scrolled to the newest reply. My brows shot up so high I was sure they touched my hairline. Having long forgotten my hurt pinkie, I read:  
@Lin_Manuel: @y/n I need all the help I can get. I'll provide snacks and music if you provide the building materials.  
Shaking my head in disbelief, I quickly typed another reply:  
@y/n: @Lin_Manuel dm me the details, I'll go pack my comfiest slippers...I mean, construction boots.  
I hit send and shot up from my seat. My heart pounded like crazy when I realized what I'd gotten myself into. Now knowing what to do with myself until Lin texts me back, I unlocked my phone again and dialed Jada. She picked up in two seconds.  
"Dude," I started, my voice breathless "Don't kill me, but, ummm, I just did something and..."  
I trailed off scrambling for right words to describe my current situation.  
"Spit it out!" Jada came off as concerned, her voice high. I ran my hand across my face in an attempt to focus.  
"Just check twitter, okay?"   
She quieted but I could hear her rapid tapping. I held my breath, knowing it would be bad.  
"Bitch! That's so cute!" she squealed and called out to Silvia to come and check it out with her.  
I groaned causing Jada to giggle. It was still better than her finding out later and teasing me with how I didn't tell her sooner.   
As Jada was explaining everything to Silvia, my phone chimed with a notification. Having put Jada on speaker, I opened Twitter to see a dm from Lin. It said:  
Hi! I have a free evening tonight, so you can come over if you have time.   
"He texted you back, didn't he?" Jada screeched making my phone's speaker crack. "Spill, dude!"  
"Shhh, I need to text him back!" My voice came out way more shaky than I expected, making me notice how anxious I actually was. This made me question again, whether it was truly a good idea. Lin was just a friend after all - ha! I barely knew him, having met him just a week ago. I shouldn't be leading everyone to believe there was something more to it than there truly was.  
I toyed with my phone and paced around the room, trying to reach a decision. I hung up on Jada after a minute of her rambling as it made it difficult to focus. Reaching a final conclusion, I halted and sent back my response to Lin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, here it is. How did you like it? Please, leave a comment down below.


	7. A shopping spree to solve any problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A million dollar question: will y/n and Lin get to build that blanket fort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, chapter 7! Hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enojoyed writing it.

What can I say, I chickened out. Though, I wasn't a complete coward. Trying to calm my racing heart, I sat at my dinner table that divided the kitchen from the living room and typed out a reply, my fingers racing on screen. I wrote:  
I can't tonight :/ How's next weekend for you?  
I hit send and clenched my phone close to my chest, feeling how rapid my heartbeat was. There's no way to decline now if he agrees on the next weekend. Well, I would still have a whole week to come up with an excuse if need be. I bit my lip in anticipation. A loud chime made my phone buzz. I jumped almost dropping it. Oh for shit's sake, why was making such a fuss about a simple text. I quickly unlocked it to find a text from Jada. My shoulders dropped a bit seeing it was just her. The message said:  
Don't you DARE hung up on me when we're discussing a possible date! Also, spill the beans! What did he say?  
Knowing ignoring her would bring more harm than good I send her a screenshot of our conversation in DMs. Her response came in under ten seconds, it said:  
You absolute TWAT! We both know you have time for him tonight! To be honest, it all just proves my point: You WANT to go, but you're too stubborn. Just drop the pettiness and have fun for once, girl!  
I shook my head smirking. She would never drop this, I just knew it. I started typing my response to her when a notification from Twitter popped up. I inhaled loudly and let out the air in a long huff. Having opened the app I saw it was an answer from Lin. Should I open it immediately or wait a minute? I decided on the later, not wanting to appear too anxious about the whole thing. Thus I went to make myself some tea in the kitchen. Coffee would make me even more shaky and I didn't want to deal with heart palpitations at the moment. To keep myself busy I even prepared a very early dinner - a salad with smoked tofu and walnuts. Having nothing to do after I've eaten and drunk, cleaned the dishes and swiped the table, I finally read Lin's text.  
Oh, no problem. Is Saturday at 7 P.M. okay for you? And my place or your place?  
There was another one:  
And do you have any food preferences? Allergies?  
And another one:  
Oh, and would you need a ride to my place (again, unless you choose your place)?  
I cursed under breath, a knot tightening in my stomach. The last message was from seven minutes ago... and he'd triple texted me. Toying with my hair, I mused about what to write back. I'll have to go now since he'd agreed on my time proposition. Or I could cancel faking an illness? Wait, but what for? Didn't I want to hang out with him or maybe I just didn't want anyone to tease me?  
I paced around the room, having placed my phone on the kitchen counter, so I wouldn't feel it's weight in my hands reminding me of having to answer.  
I exhaled in a loud blow, trying to calm myself. Okay, start at the beginning. First, I had to accept the date (as in time, not a romantic meeting!) seeing as I was the one to suggest the next weekend. Then I'll have to choose a place. Glancing around my living room, dining area, and kitchen, I decided against my place. It was relatively clean, but it wasn't in any way fancy or well-decorated as I haven't had time or money to fully decorate it to my liking yet. So Lin's place it is...somehow, the thought of going to his place made my stomach clench. I pushed away Jada's voice in my head telling me it was butterflies. They would be dead because of stomach acid, duh!  
What's next? Food! Well, because of practicing ballet I had to be mindful of what and when I ate. There would be some unpleasant consequences if I showed up to practice bloated. But as our meeting was to take place on Saturday and even though I had classes on Sunday, I should be okay with eating things I usually wouldn't. Nevertheless, there were some things I simply didn't like. I giggled thinking of Lin trying to cook. Not sure whether he had time to prepare meals for himself due to his tight Broadway schedule, I realized I wouldn't be surprised if he ordered takeout for us.  
Thinking it enough of stress-planning, I sent Lin the info. Noticing how long my food preferences list was I sent him a proper apology and reassured that I could just bring something for me to eat. There was also the issue of getting to Lin's place. I didn't know where he lived, so I wouldn't really know if I needed a ride. Also, him picking me up from my house would be too date-like. That's why I just asked for an address telling him I'd be okay on my own.  
Lin responded after a minute, causing me to rethink whether making him wait for my replies was even mature. The last time I was such a coward about texting someone was in high school! Get a grip, y/n! I scolded myself. Lin was just a friend - not even that because we haven't known each other long enough. But still... Even when I was uncomfortable letting him see me in a bad state back in the library and the club...There was no denying that he still helped me without a second thought. And although I hated the very thought of someone, him, seeing me ever in such a position, I couldn't help but feel utter appreciation and gratefulness for his kind heart.  
Having understood at least that part of my "Lin situation", I felt a weight come off of my chest. Who cares if Jada, Kirana, or even Instagram and Twitter think us to be a couple. I had a right to have a friend and have a fun, blanket-fort-building evening with him.  
My cheeks flushed and I straightened my back in sudden confidence. If Lin wanted to be friends with me, I'd be okay with that. Screw everybody else. I made my way to my bedroom and stood in front of a big closet. It was filled with ballet costumes, so my casual clothes section was squeezed to the side. On the very bottom, there were two spare, fluffy blankets - a match to the one that currently was thrown on my bed. My landlord had informed me that sometimes during winter it could be very chilly in the apartment. Usually, I liked the cold, but sometimes it made my muscles too knotted for dancing.  
Having pulled out a big sports bag that was a spare for the one I was taking to ballet classes, I started filling it with blankets from my wardrobe. I threw in two decorative pillows from my bed and put the blanket that was there in the laundry so it would be clean for Saturday. Since I didn't know how many blankets and pillows Lin had, I opted for more than less and added another two pillows from my couch. Though, before doing that I changed their covers to clean ones. 

For the outfit choice, I decided to ask either Jada or Kirana. I was leaning more towards the latter since she wouldn't be as annoying with her teasing. I might've decided to ignore other's people jokes, but I didn't intend to make it harder for myself. That's why when I swung by their place after work on Monday for a quick coffee, I decided to wait until Jada left to the bathroom to ask for Kirana's advice.  
"Hey, umm," I started while putting down my coffee mug. It was chilly for a summer day, so I opted for a hot latte with cinnamon. "If you were to hang out with somebody, a friend, in a totally casual setting and wanted to be comfortable, but still look good, what would you wear?"  
Kirana's eyes went wide and a mischievous grin spread across her face. She quickly put her mug down.  
"Oooh, now I get why Jada's been so excited the whole day!" she beamed, throwing her hands in the air. Her hair spilled in a cascade on her back at that. I cringed, looking behind my shoulder to see if Jada was still in the bathroom.  
"Yeah, she's not gonna let that one go, but seriously-" I clenched my hands together. Kirana raised one eyebrow at that, probably not expecting me to be so desperate. "what should I wear? Jeans? Leggings?"  
"Well, it all depends on how casual the setting is," she stated, shrugging her shoulders.  
I quickly explained the whole blanket fort idea. She let out a soft laugh but didn't comment on it.  
"I see..." she mused, her eyes distant. A sound of toilet flushing reached us, alerting us of the time running out. Kirana jumped suddenly, her eyes shining. "Pajamas! Take pajamas!"  
I scoffed, not believing her to be serious. Seeing my appalled expression, she giggled and peeked above my shoulder to see if Jada was not coming before explaining.  
"Come on, you must own a matching set!" Stopping to sip her coffee she shot me a naughty look "And it's sexier than sweats, plus, it's summer, so you'd boil in anything not revealing."  
"Thanks, but no thanks," I groaned. Before I could expand my reasonings the bathroom doors creaked and Jada returned.  
"Hope you didn't gossip about me," she shot with a smug smile. She moved to the kitchen but continued talking. "Unless you were talking about how great I am."  
Kirana and I locked gazed and chuckled simultaneously. Kirana shook her head and went back to sipping her coffee.  
"More like how greatly annoying your ass can be," I shot back causing Kirana to snort into her mug.  
"Rude!" Jada peeked her head from the kitchen pointing an accusative finger towards me, failing to suppress a smirk.

We drank coffee and gossiped, avoiding Lin's topic to my delight, for the next fifteen minutes before I had to head to work. On my way there I got a text notification. Not having a place to seat in the subway, I had to lean heavily on a pole to sustain balance as I fished out my phone. There was a message from Jasmine, it said:  
I'm going shopping with Pippa tomorrow and was wondering whether you wanted to join us? Daveed wanted to come too, but he quickly doubled back when we told him we were going makeup and lingerie shopping lmao  
Failing to suppress giggles, I dwelled on the idea. I could squeeze in some time for shopping tomorrow but would have to keep it short to arrive in time for my club shift. After my Friday situation, I didn't want to be late or ask for somebody to cover for me.  
Having left the train, I replied:  
I'd love to! What time, though?  
Jasmine responded in a matter of minutes, just when I was entering the club. Mia was already there, a stern look on her face. I gulped, a knot forming in my stomach. She probably heard about Max having to cover for me on Friday. Putting on a brave look, I straightened my back and headed towards the bar.  
"Well, well, well," Mia mused in a melodic voice. Oh, this was going to be terrible. "First you come late, then you leave your shift... Should I be expecting similar behavior tonight?"  
I wanted to roll my eyes so badly at that. Max covered for me, right? So what was her problem? I could let myself lose professionalism, though, so I only forced my voice to sound confident, not wanting to expose my utter fear of losing a source of income, as I retorted.  
"No, I'm feeling well enough tonight to do my best at work." A smile stretched across my face, making my cheeks hurt, and not reaching my eyes. Mia only scoffed at my attempts and left keys on the counter before leaving.  
That allowed me to quickly glance at Jasmine's text. It said:  
We wanted to go around five, should probably be finished by 7. Soooo, you in?  
Since my office job ended exactly at five and my club shift started at 7:30, I'd be free to go, having only to be mindful of the time. I replied to her instantly:  
Sure! I'm getting off work at 5, so I'll just head straight to the mall. See ya!  
Having hit send, I shoved my phone to my back pocket and got to work.

On Tuesday I woke up with severe ache to my back muscles. I'd fallen asleep on the couch, not having the energy to even change and head to bed. At least I didn't have ballet that morning, I thanked gods.  
It got worse after having spent eight hours almost entirely seated in front of a computer screen. My boss informed me that the last meeting I'd prepared went astoundingly well and that she would want me to prepare her info for the next three ones in the next two weeks. My heart swelled at that, finally, a part of my work was appreciated. This also opened doors to a slight rise or even obtaining a job here after being finished with college! After all, that was one of my biggest goals when deciding to work here in the first place. I wanted to leave a good impression so I'd get a good reference on my CV.  
Leaving the office at 5 sharp, my head was spinning with excitement. I giggled slightly at the thought that this was probably the first time in ages when my head spun from something positive.  
Grinning like an idiot, I made my way to the subway station so that I wouldn't be late for my meeting with the girls. The train was so full I could basically lean on a co-passenger, not holding onto a pole, and still keep balance. I kept my face turned up, trying to grasp some fresh air or at least air that wasn't full of people's all-day sweat. My face flushed with a wave of heat, making me want to fan myself with a hand, but it was way too tight for me to even free it from my side. I opted for stretching my back in an attempt to get to the cooler air but only caused myself to wobble as the train shook. I lost balance as my back shot with pain in the lower part of it. I needed to have relieved myself of it by the next week when we would get assigned our roles for the charity event play.  
We still haven't been informed of what we would actually perform, but my money was on either The Sleeping Beauty or Don Quixote. Our director usually opted for well-known pieces for such events. I'd be glad if we got to do the latter piece, having already done The Sleeping Beauty for our last event like this.  
That being said, I would need to get rid of that back pain soon or I wouldn't be able to pull out my best performance. And I wasn't looking forward to being assigned a background role, craving to lastly get a leading role...  
My reflections were cut short once I'd realized the next stop was the mall. Pushing through sweaty New Yorkers, I finally got out and breathed in the fresh air. Well, first I'd breathed in the station air smelling of piss and rat shit, but it was still better than inside the stuffy train.  
I pulled out my phone and texted Jasmine that I've just arrived. She responded saying they were already there and getting coffee in the food section.  
Once I got there, I spotted them almost immediately due to Jasmine's loud cackle at something Phillipa had said. Trying to suppress a grin, I approached them. Phillipa was the first one to spot me because Jasmine was wiping tears away still unable to breathe from laughing.  
"Good to see you y/n!" Phillipa shot up from her seat to hug me. I sincerely hoped I didn't smell like I'd just gotten off a train full off unhygienic New Yorkers.  
"You too! Hope you're not laughing at me, though." I shot a mockingly stern look to Jasmine who was already up and ready to welcome me. Her hair was loose and instantly covered my face when she embraced me.  
"Nope, Pippa just told me something Lin's done," she half-explained. I motioned for her to continue, but she just shook her head and chuckled. Confused I shot a look to Phillipa only to catch a sight of her muffing a giggle of her own. "Oh, no, no, no, telling you would be betraying his trust, but believe me, I'm dying for you to find out."  
She snatched her bag from a chair and before I could react to her previous statement, she already was pulling me and Phillipa towards the shop section of the mall.  
"You're gonna rip my arm out!" Phillipa protested but didn't resist, amusement tinting her voice. She shot me a thrilled glance, her eyes crinkling. "Where does she get that strength?"  
"Come on, let's go, let's go!" Jasmine was unyielding, dragging us to Sephora. "I'll show you the lipstick I use for Mariah Reynolds!"

We spent over half an hour in Sephora. Philippa has gotten herself an eyeshadow pallette and Jasmine restocked her collection of lipsticks. I, on the other hand, not wanting to kill my budget, only got myself a Fenty lipgloss that I've had my eyes on for some time now.  
Happy with our purchases we headed towards a small lingerie store on the highest level of the mall.  
"Okay, I can't do it anymore," I cut off Phillipa mid-sentence as she was nagging Jasmine to come over later and watch a horror movie. Both of them turned their heads towards me with raised eyebrows. "I need to know what Lin did! Come on!"  
I groaned, stepping off the escalator. Girls shared a knowing look, then Jasmine crossed her arms, a giggle escaping her lips.  
"Yeah, we were wondering how long you'd last." She patted my shoulder, brushing past me to enter the store. Phillipa followed behind her, a smile threatening to show.  
"Sorry," her voice was truly apologetic, yet amusement was visible in her eyes probably from a mile away. "Lin would roast our asses if we told y-, anybody."  
Rolling my eyes so hard I must've looked possessed I followed them to the shop.  
The lights inside were dimmed creating an intimate atmosphere. Jasmine was already going through piles of lace on the "new arrivals" section.  
I didn't necessarily need a new set of lingerie as my closet was full of seamless underwear that I used for ballet. Even though I loved lace it was very impractical for doing sports.  
That being said, I wandered to the nightgowns and night-sets section. It was drowning in satin and lace ornaments. I kindly dismissed a sales-person that had approached me to offer help and let myself admire the options. Maybe I would get myself a robe? As a teen I've always wanted a black or pink satin robe, so I could feel like those rich models preparing for a photo shoot.  
I glazed my finger across the golden satin of one of the many robes hanging from the rack. Having checked the price tag, I could be sure I wouldn't be buying it. I moved over to another rack, this one full of cotton and velvet robes and pajama sets. Kirana's words returned to me at this sight. She was wrong when she said that I must own a matching set. My pajamas were just oversized old t-shirts that I'd stolen from my dad and ex. They still weren't aware that half of their wardrobe disappeared with me.  
I chuckled quietly at the image of one of them discovering that I was responsible for their narrow fashion choices. My gaze caught a reflection of light on one of the sets and I quickly scooted over to examine it.  
"Oh shit," I muttered as my fingers brushed over the softest material I've ever felt. As in a trance, I took it off the rack and checked the price and material. It was satin and was on 40% sale, making it fit my budget if I only stretched it a bit. "Oh shiiiiit."  
I half-ran to the changing rooms, earning myself surprised looks from both Pippa and Jasmine who were currently ankles-deep in lace bras.  
My heart thundering like crazy in excitement, I quickly changed and stepped out to examine myself in a full-length mirror. The pajamas were already the most comfortable set I've ever had on, beating even the stolen shirts.  
"Oh, shit," I repeated myself, a broken record like I was as I turned to get a closer look from every possible perspective. I looked good, stunning if I'd feel inclined to say so. The set was black satin with lace trimmings on the edges of the shorts. There was also a wider trim over my chest and on the spaghetti straps of the shirt. The shorts were loose around my thighs but still made my butt look delicious. And the shirt did wonders for my chest. I toyed with the lace as I debated whether I actually needed new pajamas. I could wear leggings to Lin's after all...but it was just too comfortable to resist.  
I debated on this issue for five more minutes as I changed back into my clothes and left the changing rooms. Phillipa and Jasmine were already at the register with a mountain of lace and satin. Having spared another look at the pajama set I joined them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, how did you like it? Share your opinions below! xoxo


	8. Things get worse but who would've thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n gets closer to Lin via Twitter as their not-a-date gets closer and closer. Before y/n can get her well-deserved rest, she has to bear some unpleasant situations at work and in ballet classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 8! There's less Lin in this one, though he's a constant in y/n'd mind, but I promise, I'll spoil you all very soon!

"Again!" our ballet teacher, Katrina, scolded us with a stern look "Y/n, keep your back straight, Jada, your movements need to be more fluid."  
We all went back to our starting positions and started over again as the pianist accompanied us. My back hasn't stopped hurting since yesterday, so getting through the variation again made me want to cry. Nevertheless, I did it again, again, and again as Kristina got more and more annoyed with our imperfections.  
"Stop, stop" she motioned to the pianist making him cease the music in the middle of one of the attempts "You're all disgraces! Do you think you'll get to perform during this year's Christmas season if you can't even do a proper pas de chat?"  
I dropped my gaze to my feet, some girls bowed their heads in shame. We've been doing the same variation for three hours now, less than one remaining until the end of the class. Even though I was used to 4 A.M. practices today proved to be tough enough to bring me to the verge of giving up. Some of the other girls already had tears glistening in their eyes and threatening to spill on their cheeks. I hoped they wouldn't as Kristina more than once showed how she felt about crying in her classes. We were all adult women. We shouldn't behave like whiney children.  
"I told you at the beginning of this class I would be assigning you all roles for the festival's performance today," Katrina continued, her voice toneless. She moved over to the girl that was first on the left side and started moving slowly to the right, her hands clasped behind her back. Taking in every single girl from head to toe, her eyes scanned for signs of fear. It reminded me of a snake, looking at its prey. I told myself to assume a confident, yet not cocky expression as she approached me. She lingered in front of me, her face sour, before moving to Jada next to me. "Yet you don't take it as a chance to prove yourself. You all waste your opportunities to shine."  
Keeping my head high, back straight, even if it hurt me like hell, I kept my eyes on Katrina. If she sensed insecurity in somebody, she would use it against them.  
"One last time, assume your positions and I'll see if you're worth anything."  
She moved to stand in the corner and waved at the pianist to start playing.  
I did my best, at least in my current state, to keep my back straight, my muscles flexed, stomach in. Katrina yelled out instructions to us, scolding some girls for grimacing, some for not putting their feet high enough. My breath catching in my throat I finished, frozen in the last pose. The last note echoed in the room.  
"This wasn't at least complete disaster," Katrina stated in a flat tone, not even a hint of a smile on her face. "You can all go change. I'll meet you in the hallway in fifteen to assign you roles."

Having taken a quick, freezing cold shower and changed into my office clothes, I joined Jada in the hallway. I was one of the very last girls to leave the locker room and soon Katrina emerged from her office.  
"We're performing Cinderella at the festival," she started, not wasting a second. My eyes went wide at the revelation that we'll be doing something new. At least it wasn't Nutcracker, I thought, corners of my lips rising. "As for the roles, Amanda as Cinderella, Lisa as The Stepmother, Jada and y/n as stepsisters, Natasha and Sophia..."  
The rest didn't matter to me, so I stopped listening and instead looked to Jada. She shrugged, but a small smile formed on her face but didn't reach her eyes. I knew she's wanted to be Cinderella since she started practicing ballet. I wanted to tell her that she'll get another chance.  
Hearing Katrina dismiss us, I quickly approached Jada and put a hand on her arm.  
"Hey, you okay?" Dumb question, I realized as she only shrugged again. "At least we'll get to play sisters, that shouldn't be hard."  
A true smile this time crinkled her dark eyes as we left the studio. The weather was beautiful, the sun high and air dry already even seeing it was just 8 A.M.  
"But you're the uglier one," she laughed and ruffled my hair. I groaned and pushed her away. "Have fun at the office!"

Yeah, I didn't exactly have fun at the office, because I had to prepare research for my boss which took my additional hour. This resulted in me being almost late to my club shift. Before getting on the subway I'd gone to get myself a salad and some coffee learning from my last unpleasant situation.  
Even having drunk two lattes at the office and another one on my way to the club, my eyes still heavied after two hours of bartending. I was glad there were not many people that night so I could sit for a minute or two and relieve my leg muscles of forming soreness. If I only had more money and time, I'd get myself a massage session on the weekend.  
But I had other plans for this weekend after all. Reminding myself that it wasn't a date didn't help my nerves as my heart raced every time I remembered I'd be spending my Saturday evening at Lin's. It may not be a full sleepover, but I would probably leave late, the exact time depending on how awkward it would be and how drunk I would get.  
As I served customers, I pondered on the different scenarios. Would he find it weird that I'd change into a pajama? Maybe I should drop that idea and just wear normal clothes? Would he change into a pajama?  
"Oh for fucks sake," I muttered as I washed shot glasses. There was no reason to spiral about outfit choices. It wasn't like I wanted to impress him with my new pajama, I wasn't fifteen. My needs were simple: have a fun evening, getting to follow my childhood spirit, and building a blanket fort. That's it.  
"What's got your panties in a twist?" Leah's amused voice reached me from behind. While I was washing the dishes, she took over the drink preparation. I scoffed, not wanting to explain to her the whole blanket fort ordeal. She seemed not to care as she only responded: "Oh, I see..."  
A bit curious about what she did see exactly, I slowly turned around with a wet shot glass in my hand. I tilted my head, one brow raising. She only shot me a Hollywood smile and poured a drink for a gorgeous, black woman at the register. She caught my gaze and smiled, a bit hesitantly, making her appear shy. Her eyes were gleaming in amusement. I guessed she'd probably heard Leah's question. I grinned right back and approached Leah, trying to get her attention. A smirk was still remaining on her lips as she glanced at me and sighed.  
"Either it's something at work or you finally got a love life." She handed the hottie her drink and turned to me. My face must've betrayed my bafflement because she immediately boomed in laughter. "Come on, girl, all you do these days is work, work, work. What you should be doing is flirt, flirt, flirt! You won't get to be young and hot again!"  
I shook my head in disbelief and giggled quietly as I turned back to continue washing. The water from the shot glass I've been holding dripped on the floor. I quickly wiped the droplets with a paper towel. Mia hated when the floors were dirty and would bust my ass over it.  
Feeling Leah's eyes remain on me I whipped around to face her. She looked as if she was waiting for me to say something. I threw my hands in the air, my brows scrunched suggesting I didn't understand her intention.  
"Oh, come on, go get that girl you've smiled at!" she rolled her eyes, sounding as if that was the most obvious thing in the universe. "Maybe she'll buy you a drink."  
I blinked a few times to give myself a moment to process what she was saying. Well, that girl was certainly hot, but I wasn't looking for a quick fling. And for sure I wouldn't look for any kind of fling at a bar, especially one I was working at and while I was working.  
"Piss off, Leah, I'm at work!" I started drying off the glasses and putting them away on the shelves. What was it with everybody trying to get me to find a relationship.  
"All I'm saying is," Leah leaned on the counter. There were currently no new customers, so we had a moment of freedom. Unfortunately, it seemed like Leah would spend it taunting me. "that you didn't seem to have a problem with that when you partied with those Broadway hotties almost two weeks ago."  
A glass almost slipped out of my hand but I managed to not let it fall. A little wicked part of me wanted to whack Leah across the face with it, a less wicked part of me made me do it with a wet towel causing her to curse loudly and step away.  
"Okay, okay, I'll piss off, but at least I know I was right about you twisting your panties over your love life!"  
She managed to escape another swing of the towel with a chuckle.

Since on Thursday I could get more sleep as I didn't have classes, I greeted everybody with a smile in the office, making some people wrinkled their foreheads in confusion. It made me realize how rude I usually must come off to them as I storm into the office, empty coffee cup in hand, and go straight to the coffee machine, muttering "morning" at people.  
Right after I left the office my phone buzzed from a notification. I fished it out of my bag and check what it was. There was a message from Lin on Twitter. My heart pumped faster making me sigh in irritation. Was my heart a traitor, too? I quickly discarded that thought as I opened the app. The text said:  
Hi, I thought I'd give you my address sooner so you can plan ahead how you'd get here. My lift offer still stands :)"There was a location in Washington Heights attached. It wasn't that far from my apartment in Harlem, so I should be okay taking the train. The thought of Lin picking me up still sounded too date-like to me. So I replied:  
I'll just go by sub, but thanks. Can't wait  
Once I hit send I immediately regretted the last statement. I calmed myself thinking he would take it as a kindness and not being overly excited. Right?  
He responded in a few minutes just as I was going down an escalator to the subway. He said:  
No problem! I also thought I'd give you my number so we wouldn't have to communicate via Twitter. Can't wait for Saturday as well!  
He attached his number. I blinked a few times to make sure that it was there. I haven't really thought about exchanging numbers since we parted at the club that first night. But it did make sense to do it now.  
I hesitated just for a second before saving the number simply as "Lin" with three stars emoji and texting it:  
It's y/n, now you have my number, too :)  
The response from him came almost instantly, making my eyes go wide as I didn't even have time to lock my phone again. He said:  
I'll make good use of it. See ya on sat!  
Not fully understanding the meaning of the text, I threw my phone into my bag, dismissing it completely. It was better to ignore it than to dwell on possible implications he could intend.

Friday was utter and complete hell. First thing in the morning I realized that my back pain has actually gotten worse overnight. So when I've gotten to classes next my tumbles and jumps were so terrible I earned myself a public scolding from Katrina. Then she only continued to embarrass me further whenever I got to my variation.  
"Keep your back straight, it makes you look like an ape," she would comment.  
or  
"You're so ungraceful you look like an elephant seal moving on land,"  
or, my favorite one:  
"Straighten your back, everybody is sick of seeing your backrolls"  
Needless to say, I left the classroom as soon as we got dismissed and stormed off the studio.  
I headed to my favorite cafe to get myself a latte before work, pushing through groups of tourists wearing I <3 NY shirts. Somebody yelled at me to smile, calling me a sweetie, but I didn't even have the energy to flick them off with a middle finger. Instead, quickly entered the cafe where I was greeted by the strong smell of coffee and sweet pastries. I eyed the latter toying with the idea of getting myself a chocolate muffin. But having remembered Katrina's words I simply opted for coffee alone and left the cafe in a rush. I downed my drink in a matter of seconds and got into a subway to work.

Having stepped into the elevator I was joined there by none other than the asshole from the second floor. His eyes glistened when he noticed me.  
"Why a sour face newbie? You on your period?" he laughed at his own joke. Telling myself that getting into an argument would only get me in trouble, I fake-smiled, sarcasm dripping from my voice as I said:  
"No, thank you for your concern". Proud of my professionalism I watched him get off the elevator and prayed he would get fired soon. The reason wouldn't be important. For what I care he could be fired over stealing somebody's lunch from the fridge.  
Before I got to work I opened twitter. There were some notifications about replies to my tweets, but not from anyone I knew personally. I scrolled through my timeline and reached a new tweet from Lin only from yesterday.  
@Lin_Manuel: why don't we just put the ocean water in a cup, clean up the bottom, and put the water back  
I giggled and typed out a response quickly, trying not to get my boss's attention so I wouldn't get a lecture about using Twitter at work.  
@y/n: @Lin_Manuel Idk man there's a lot of water...might need two cups  
I sent it and went back to my feed to write a tweet that I actually opened the app for.  
@y/n: have you ever met someone who's just the human version of bread crumbs in the bed?  
I put my phone on silent before shoving it into my bag and getting to work. A little smile lingered on my face as I muttered, "Put it in a cup... what a dork."

That night the club was so busy I barely had a chance to take a breather. Minutes stretched to hours, making me feel like I would be stuck behind that bar for the rest of my days. My limbs weighing me down, I prepared more than a hundred drinks an hour. Desperate for a break I almost begged for Leah to take over before noticing she was as busy as me. Well, she at least seemed to bear the work easier than I did since she served each customer with a smile while I only managed to suppress a groan each time someone approached the counter.  
As midnight neared my lids got heavier and legs pleaded for a moment of rest. But the work was not nearly done as the club flooded with more people each hour. I was sure more than two hundred people were dancing as their bodies now merged into one. At least the AC worked even though it didn't do much for waves of heat than would spread over my body now and then forcing me to lean against the bar and drink some water before continuing work.  
As one of those waves hit me I took out a bag of ice from the refrigerator and massaged my neck and cheeks with it. A chill went down my spine but a quiet moan escaped my lips at the relief. Using my other dry hand I checked my phone. It was half-past 1 A.M. meaning I'd get off soon. Corners of my lips turned upwards at that earing me a questioning glance from Leah. Before she had a chance to inquire about my love life again I held my hand still holding my phone.  
"Our shift is almost over." my tone was low, conveying the utter exhaustion I felt. Leah nodded in understatement before her face lightened in with a smile.  
"Oh, I know you've had a busy day," she started as she approached me and took the bag of now melted ice from me. My brows furrowed at that but she continued before I could oppose "and since there's not that many people left, you should head home now and I'll close up tonight."  
My jaw dropped, making her chuckle lightly before turning back to face the counter. The "not that many people" part was definitely a reach since the club was still half full. But maybe getting home earlier wouldn't be such a bad thing? I toyed with that idea for a second but ultimately thought it to be unfair towards Leah as she would not only have to serve the remaining customers but also clean up on her own.  
Having put my phone to my bag, I moved over to the counter much to Leah's surprise betrayed by her risen eyebrows.  
"I'll stay, it's only half an hour," I shrugged but Leah didn't look convinced because she rolled her eyes and pushed me away from the register.  
"You, miss, need sleep," she blurted in an accusatory tone, a finger poking my chest. "I'm sure the very first thing people see when they get through the club doors is shadows under your eyes. Go home, seriously."  
Not wanting to get into an argument I shrugged and swung my bag on my shoulder. Leah chuckled at my theatrics getting me to notice my grave expression. How was that I was so happy about going home only two minutes ago, but now that I got to leave earlier I was making a fuss about it. I shook my head at my ridiculosity and waved goodbye to Leah.  
A muffled chime reached me from my bag as I was walking down the street to get to the subway. I fished my phone out to reveal a notification from Twitter. Last night I had to turn off notifications for people I haven't followed since the constant bleeping didn't let me sleep.  
Having unlocked my phone I read a reply to my today's tweet.  
@Lin_Manuel: @y/n Drop the name and I'll beat their ass  
I snickered at his overconfidence imagining him busting the second-floor-asshole's ass. Then I remembered it was almost 2 A.M. and anyone sane should be fast asleep. I typed out quickly:  
@y/n: @Lin_Manuel You, sir, should go to bed if you want to beat somebody up. Though it would make it funnier to see you get your ass kicked.  
I shoved my phone deeply inside my bag and took out my pepper spray. It wouldn't be wise to walk around with my mind wandering off somewhere. I focused on my surroundings, my one hand clenched around my bag's strap, and fastened my pace. It always served to walk confidently at night even though the station was just a minute away.  
My phone chimed again but I knew I shouldn't take it out and distract myself before getting into the train. But once I was partly safe, seated in the corner, my legs finally getting a second to rest, I fished it out and checked the notification. It was Lin's response on twitter:  
@Lin_Manuel: @y/n First of all, you're not asleep two, so you don't get to call me out on that. Second of all, EXCUSE ME but I would win a fight with my hands tied behind my back. Third of all, I thought you would be on my side since I offered to fight for u :(  
A smile crept into my lips as I rolled my eyes. The whole expression would probably earn me weird stares if it weren't New York and some drunk man wasn't literally serenading a ballad in the middle of my wagon. I decided to open my camera and record my face as I reacted to his off-key belting. Having filmed my attempts to suppress laughter for half a minute, I posted the video on twitter with a caption:  
@Y/n: Gotta love NYC, the ambiance, the vibes...just immaculate.  
Right after hitting send, I went back to Lin's reply in our previous conversation thread and typed out another response:  
@y/n: @Lin_Manuel 1. I was working late, so I get a pass for staying up late. 2. We'll see about that, I'm pretty sure I'd easily win with u. 3. I'm always on your side, dummy.  
As soon as I hit send, I put my phone back into my back and stood up seeing that it was my stop. My head spun for a second, my vision going white. I grasped the pole for a few seconds and blinked away the brightness from my lids. Sparing another glance at the singing drunk, I marched away before the doors closed. Being alone, no music to be heard, fewer people around me - all of them dozing off on the benches, the exhaustion finally hit me and I wobbled slightly on my feet. I pinched the bridge of my nose to help me focus and took a few steps before wobbling again.  
Right, I haven't eaten today again.  
I cursed under my breath and resumed walking, telling myself that I was just three minutes from my apartment. Just three minutes and I'd be in bed. No need to collapse on the subway station, where I knew wasn't safe to stay for too long.  
The three minutes felt more like three hours befor I managed to get home. Having closed the door behind me I couldn't even put my bag down before my vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, how did you like it? I honestly can't wait to publish chapter 9...even though I'm not even half-way done with it. That being said, I hope you enojoyed chapter 8 and are as hyped as me to see what happens on Saturday


	9. Blanket Fort Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n wakes bruised and confused. Also, it's Saturday, so we finally get to spend some time with Lin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may or may not be 6700 words long... so be prepared.

My phone ringing woke me up. Not sure of where I was, I opened my eyes to reveal I was lying on my side on the floor in my hallway. The noise made my head pierce with pain, ringing echoing in my ears. Still a bit dizzy, my vision hazy and blurring my surroundings, I helped myself to my feet. I discarded my bag as the phone ceased its chiming. Having to lean on the wall most of the way, I half-walked and half-crawled into the living room and sat at the couch. I put my head between my legs, trying to relieve myself of the dizziness and massaged my temples.   
My last memory was of getting off from the train and there was a big blank afterward. But somehow I've managed to get to my house before blacking out. Groaning, I lied back on the cushions hoping to gain some energy to stand up again. My head hurt like hell, especially on the right side, the one I must've fallen on, I realized, noticing that the whole right side of my body hurt as well. Sure I would wake up bruised like an old apple, I groaned again, running my hand through my hair.   
Soon I also realized that I had no idea how long I've been out before waking up. It still must've been nighttime since the apartment was dark, moonlight being the only source of light. Deciding to get my phone, I willed myself to stand up again. My legs wobbled, knees buckling, and my vision shot with blinding white light for a few seconds before I managed to take a step. I relied on the walls for support once again, too dizzy to trust my muscles.   
Upon reaching the hallway and turning on the lights, I understood how difficult it would be to crouch to get my bag and stand up again. I inhaled deeply before slowly kneeling, my one arm leaning on the wall as I grabbed the bag and carefully ascended.   
Bag in hand, I made my way, mindful of my movements, to the kitchen. I left the hallway lights on so I wouldn't have to turn on other ones and worsen my headache. I grabbed a bottle of water from a fridge and a towel, which I then put under running cold water. Having taken my phone out, I put my bag on the kitchen counter and went back to sit on the couch.   
I kicked off my shoes and, having put the towel on my forehead, unlocked my phone to reveal that it was barely 2:14 A.M. Meaning, I was out for probably twenty minutes. There were some texts and missed calls waiting for me, so I quickly opened the texts first.   
One was from Leah from 1:50 A.M.:  
Are you home yet?  
Smiling, grateful for her thoughtfulness, I quickly typed out a response:  
Yeah, I'm home. And you?  
Remembering that there was also a notification from Lin's number, I opened up his messages. One was sent on 1:45:  
Text me when you get home safely.  
and the other was from 1:55 A.M.:  
Y/n? Are you okay? I'll call in five minutes if you don't respond, just to see if you're alright.  
Having guessed that the missed calls were from him I started typing out a response. A wave of heat surrounded my heart, seeing his thoughtfulness. Before I managed to send my assurance of my safety, Lin's name popped on the screen as the phone buzzed loudly, making my head thud with pain. I clicked on the green button wanting the noise to stop as soon as possible and put the call on speaker.  
"Hello?" My voice was hoarse, so I coughed before trying again. "Hello?"  
"Y/n?" Lin sounded out of breath but was loud enough for my head to shot with pain again, so I had to lower the volume. Still, I could hear car sounds from his side of the line. "Y/n, god, are you okay?"  
"Mhmm, I..." trailing off I tried to focus enough to answer. He asked me if I was okay. I wondered why he was asking me that, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my lids shut. Oh, right, he'd texted me asking if I've gotten home safely. "I, uh, I'm home, I've just arrived."  
There was a moment of silence before he replied, his voice thick.  
"Oh, thank goodness," he sighed, sounding as if a weight has been just lifted off his chest. It made my brows shot up in surprise and led me to wonder whether he was that worried about me. Before I had time to scold myself saying that it's probably because he was just a good person and would do that for anybody, he continued, "I was just nervous something has happened, you weren't answering your phone... but I'm glad you're okay."  
His voice was still strained, yet this time it was more awkward than worried. A wave of gratefulness hit me as I thought that he could've been right and something could've happened to me on my way home. Especially, since I couldn't remember how I got here.  
"Yeah, I'm glad about that too," I sighed, still too weak to utter anything above a low mutter. "And thank you for calling, really, it's very sweet of you. I just, um, had my phone on silent in my bag, sorry."  
There was another moment of silence disrupted only by the honking of cars before he inquired, somewhat hesitantly, "I don't want to sound rude, but are you truly okay? You sound kind of...sick?"   
"R-really?" My voice cracked, betraying me, so I coughed before continuing hoping he wouldn't notice how unfit I was at the moment. I knew he would be more concerned than needed be as he'd already proved at the bar last weekend. "I'm just tired after work, that's all. I should get to bed soon probably."  
Seeing how much my head hurt, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep for some time probably, but still, I could feel my lids getting heavier with each passing second. I would also need to get a quick shower because I reeked of sweat and alcohol, but decided to do it in the morning. My legs were still too weak, and I was too dizzy for a shower now. I'd have to bear the smell through the night.   
"Yeah, sorry, I'm probably keeping you awake now, umm" Lin breathed and trailed off before resuming, "yeah, you should get to bed, sorry, sweet dreams."  
I smiled, my lids closing slowly, as I whispered, "You should go to sleep, too. Sweet dreams, Lin."  
I blinked away sleep as it threatened to overtake me and stood up slowly, having first hung up my phone. My vision blurred for another second before I was able to take a step. A water bottle and wet towel in hand, I crawled under my sheets.

"This is a disaster, y/n, you're not keeping your back straight again, what have I told you?" Katrina shot me a stern look after one particularly bad variation of mine.   
My head was pulsing with pain that hasn't left since yesterday. I haven't slept well too, waking up in two-hour intervals, covered in sweat, blood thundering in my head. I gave up on going back to sleep around 6 A.M. and went to the bathroom to finally take the desired shower. Upon glancing in the mirror, I realized I hadn't taken off my makeup the night before, so it was smeared under my eyes, making me look like a zombie-panda. There was also the issue of a big, purple bruise above my right brow, spreading to my temple. I've spent half an hour in the bathroom trying to cover it with make-up, and apparently, it paid off since nobody has yet noticed something was wrong.  
Well, except for Jada, who kept shooting me worried glances every time I stumbled my way through my variations. I ignored it, thinking that maybe it would discourage her from picking the subject up.   
My attempts continued as in the locker room I sprinted to the showers before she even had a chance to utter a word to me. I carefully avoided washing my face so that I wouldn't ruin my concealer work. I would still shower again at home and would re-do my makeup completely before heading off to Lin.  
Thoughts of our evening's meeting clouded my mind through the entirety of the class, which didn't help me focus on top of my headache. I was constantly scolding myself for being nervous about it, yet my heart couldn't help but skip a beat each time I remembered that I'll see him tonight. Telling myself off for my silliness, I left the showers just in time to almost crash into Jada who was walking into the bathrooms. I grabbed my towel tighter so it wouldn't fall.  
"Y/n" her voice was strained as she took me in from head to toes. Her brows furrowed. "Why are you all bruised?"  
I cursed my idiocy. When I arrived at the studio in the morning I managed to get changed before Jada came and my thighs partially concealed a big purple spot on my knee where I hit it falling last night.  
"I tripped at work yesterday night," I shrugged and brushed past her. I pushed a smile to my face before turning back to her. "I'm kind of in a rush today, so see you later!"  
I hurried off before she could respond and changed into my casual outfit in the speed of light.   
Once I left the studio, I checked my phone and walked down the street to get a coffee at my favorite cafe. There were few notifications from Twitter and two texts. One was from Jasmine sent half an hour prior. There was a silly picture of her and Anthony attached. They were wearing work-out clothes and it seemed in some dance-studio. It reminded me of my ballet classroom with its big mirrors and a piano in the corner. Jasmine was on Anthony's back, her hands covering his eyes. She'd captioned it:  
Tell him he's stupid, cause he won't believe me.  
I rolled my eyes, but my heart warmed at their display of pure love as sent her a response after having entered the cafe.   
You're the stupid one it seems, lol. Have fun kids!  
The line to the register was so short I didn't even have time to become tempted by many sweets laid out behind glass. Katrina's words still echoed in the back of my mind. A whale seal. Ungraceful. A complete disaster.  
However, I was aware that I had to eat something not having eaten since... Thursday. My eyes widened at the realization. I was way too tired to eat last night and was used to not eating before classes. Usually, I would get myself a protein bar or shake to consume during our short break. Deciding to eat at home, I only ordered my coffee before heading to the subway station. 

After taking a cold shower to soothe my sore muscles and eating a tofu salad I started getting giddy thinking about going to Lin's place tonight. My legs were way too sore and I was still too dizzy for pacing around the room, so I opted for nervous scrolling through my phone.   
There was still the other text that I haven't checked yet. Finding nothing better to do I opened it to reveal a message from Lin:  
Hope you remember about the blanket fort mission tonight.   
I groaned, cursing the universe for not letting me forget about it even for a second. Nevertheless, my lips curved upwards as I typed out my reply:  
How dare you even suggest I would forget our mission, agent Miranda! I'm serious about this mission. Over.  
Having closed the text messages, I opened up Twitter instead. I scrolled mindlessly through my feed. Jasmine has posted a cute selfie with Phillipa and Jasmine in the same studio as in the picture with Antony. She posted it today's morning with the caption saying:  
@JasCephasJones How is it we're already in the show and still have to come to rehearsal... The only thing saving me from going crazy is having those girls by my side.  
A grin forming on my lips I hit the heart button. So they had rehearsals today, I thought, as I checked my mentions. The way how on earth did they manage to work so hard was beyond me. Well, not for nothing was Hamilton being praised by many critiques and has become an international phenomenon. It's already been revealed that this year's Tony awards would be Hamilton dominated with like, what, 19 nominations? Attempting to discard the thought of me never getting to achieve anything, I tried to focus on massaging my calf muscles. To no result as I kept marveling at how bizarre it was that I made so many successful friends in such a short time.  
My pondering was distracted by a facetime call from my sister, Kylie. She would call me at least twice a month to keep in touch with me since she's moved to Europe, which was five years ago.  
I cursed at the realization that I haven't yet put on concealer so she would see my bruise. Trying to cover it with my hair, I angled the phone so that only the left side of my face was in the frame and answered the call.  
"Hi, y/n, hi!" My sister's bright expression filled the screen. We looked similar like sisters do, but she still was six years older than me. She was also wearing makeup and a fancy dress, making her look like we weren't related at all.  
"What's up?" I smiled right back at her. I could sense that something has happened, her face was just glowing with... wait, was she...  
"I have something to tell you," she cut my thought short. Biting my lip in anticipation I waved my free hand motioning for her to continue. "I'm getting married!"  
She flashed her ring, sitting right on her finger she's been keeping out of frame. A squeal escaped my lips as I started gratulating her and inquiring her for details. Andrew, her fiance, proposed a few months ago but they were keeping it secret because they weren't sure if they wanted a wedding or to book a flight to Vegas and go alone. Typical Kylie.  
"The wedding's gonna be small, just closest family," she explained. I nodded in understanding as I remembered how big our closest family was. For god's sake, my mother had five siblings and each of them had at least three children... I hoped she meant 'closest family' as in parents and siblings, not aunts and cousins. "and I already booked the venue, church, and a priest, a DJ... oh, have I told you? We're getting married in Poland, so it's closer to Andrew's family."  
She started rambling about how Andrew's family was even bigger than our so it only made sense that they would get married there. Kylie moved to Poland Poland five years ago, but she'd also studied at a university in Poland before and that's where she met Andrew. His family was loaded and just lawyers, doctors, politicians, and even actors merged into one family. Kylie would fit right in as she was a surgeon herself.   
"...so what I'm saying is I've booked you a flight and you'd be staying in a hotel where the reception's gonna be" Kylie continued her babbling, catching my attention.  
"Wait, what? Can you say that again?" I shook my head. She sighed aware that I wasn't listening before.  
"You're invited to my wedding," she started over, her voice slow as if she was talking to a child. "and I know it's difficult to manage money as a college student, so I've gotten you and your date plane tickets and accommodation."  
My jaw fell open and I had to blink a few times, my expression making Kylie boom in laughter. I tried to wrap my mind around all the bombs she's dropped at me so far. One being her getting married, two being me going to Europe, three being that she thought I had a date.  
"For, for my date?" I stuttered, my mind racing. Where did that idea come from?  
"Well, of course, we haven't talked in so long and you've been in NYC for some time now...Is something wrong?" Her brows furrowed as I was trying to find a way to break it to her that I was still single. I opened my mouth but was disrupted by somebody yelling at Kylie to hurry up. "Sorry, gotta go, see you in a month."  
She hung up, leaving me with my jaw currently on the floor. A MONTH?!

I left my house at half-past six, not wanting to be late. Having spent half an hour re-doing my concealer seemed to pay off cause even though my bruise has gotten redder through the day, it was now completely invisible. An IKEA bag full of blankets, pillows, and my new pajama on one arm, my regular bag on the other, I made my way to the subway station.  
My heart was pounding against my ribs, irritating me as I tried to remain calm. I scolded myself for being nervous, repeating over and over again in my head "This is not a date. This is not a date."   
Seeing as this method failed to calm me, I opted for stressing over Kylie's wedding. There was a lot to unpack there, stating with the issue of getting time off work and practice. I should also start worrying about the fact that my sister thought I would be bringing a date.   
Thinking about ways to tell her that this wasn't the case took over my mind for the entire way to Lin's. Suddenly, I found myself in front of his door inside an apartment complex. Seeing as there was a label saying 'Miranda' I could be at least sure that I was at the right place, I ringed the doorbell.  
He opened immediately as if he's been waiting on the other side. I shot him an awkward smile as he took the IKEA bag from me and motioned for me to get inside. I sighed when he relieved my back of baggage.  
"Hello, agent y/l/s," he chuckled as I kicked off my shoes and but my other bag down. "Ready for our mission?"  
Suppressing a smile, I followed behind him to the living room. It was spacious, with brown leather couches in the middle and a joined kitchen divided only by an island with bar stools. I spun around, trying to get a glimpse at the piano sitting in the corner. Next to it were opened doors revealing a dining room.   
"If you need to use a bathroom, one's here," Lin motioned towards a door in the hallway. He put down the IKEA bag and made his way to the kitchen. "and the other one's upstairs."  
Not sure of what to do I started unpacking blankets and pillows and putting them on the couch. Lin was going through his fridge. I gave him what I hoped was a sneaky glance-over. He was wearing black jeans and a Hamilton T-shirt, his hair loose and still wet from a shower. I had to give him this, he looked good with wet hair. It also made me grateful for having packed new pajamas so I wouldn't have to stay in the outfit I was currently wearing. I chose a casual one having opted for jean shorts and a loose t-shirt, but still, pajamas would be more comfortable for chilling in the blanket fort. And I would look better in them, I thought, as I realized how misshapen the loose t-shirt made me look.   
Lin turned back from the fridge, catching my gaze. A have of heat hit my cheeks as I realized he caught me staring, and I prayed that the crimson wouldn't show. But he only smiled and held up a water bottle.  
"Want something to drink?" He pulled out two glasses from a cabinet and poured water in one. "Water or maybe you want coffee? I guess we should save the booze from after we've put up the fort 'cause I guess if we get too drunk we won't be able to finish it and..."  
I stifled a chuckle at his rambling and approached him. He seemed a bit taken aback by my amusement because his brows lifted and froze, one glass in hand.  
"I'm babbling, aren't I?" he sighed, a slightly red spot creeping from under his beard. Not muffling my giggle anymore, I nodded.  
"Water's enough. Thank you."   
He handed me one glass and I made my way to the couch. My sore leg muscles praised me for letting them rest. A mumble reached my ears, so quiet I wasn't even sure if I was hearing it right.  
"Pull yourself together, Miranda" it seemed to sound like, but again, I couldn't be sure.   
"Sooo," I started, putting down my now empty glass on a beautiful coffee table which must've been vintage. Lin returned from the kitchen and sat on the opposite couch. "where will we build it?"  
He leaned back, stretching his arms, and pulling my gaze towards his arms. Even though his muscles weren't the biggest in the world, I could appreciate how they flexed every time he moved. But what I was sure was the most impressive thing in the world was his hair and how they looked while wet. One strand was hanging above Lin's dark eye, making me want to tuck it back where it belonged.  
"I was thinking about here in the living room." He cut off my train of thought. I wanted to smack myself across my head to kick out thoughts like this. They wandered into dangerous terrain, one that I didn't want to enter. "I was also considering the dining room, but I guess I'll be more comfortable here. And that way, we can eat dinner there."  
Mention of dinner successfully pulled my mind away from his hair. My stomach growled as I realized I've only eaten a salad. Though, it was still better than nothing.   
The sound seemed to have reached Lin since his head fell back in laughter. I grabbed a pillow and threw it right at his face.   
"Okay, sorry, sorry," he breathed, still struggling to contain laughter "we can eat something now if you want. But the takeout will arrive in an hour, I'm afraid."  
Lifting one brow, I gave him a fakely disapproving look and shook my head.  
"So I'm here bringing all the blankets and pillows, but you cheat your way through getting us food?" I cross my arms, causing him to cease laughing and hold up his hands in defense.  
"I might've overestimated my cooking abilities," he confessed with a smirk. "but I've got popcorn, grapes, and nachos with salsa."  
He was up from his seat and back with all the mentioned food before I could voice my protest. I was okay with waiting, but I knew he would have none of my bullshit since my stomach decided to growl once again at the sight of snacks.  
"Okay, agent Miranda" I stood up from the couch and grabbed one pillow. "Let's get our mission started."  
A grin spread across his lips, making him look younger and adding a teen-like vibe to the whole ordeal. He moved the coffee table aside, causing my eyes to again fix on his arms. I had to distract myself with gathering pillows from the couch, not to keep staring. This was gonna be difficult.

We've only managed to put a mattress that Lin had taken out of a guestroom prior to my arrival before we started arguing on how exactly we would build our fort.  
It turned out that we both haven't made a blanket fort in some time now, so we had to pull up some inspirational photos before completely winging it. We put up walls from couch pillows and hung blankets on barstools Lin brought from the kitchen. He also managed to find some fairy lights and while I was securing them with laundry clips he put on music on a Bluetooth speaker. I whipped around at the sound of first notes of Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  
"Seriously?" I laughed, not expecting this choice of music. Lin only shrugged with a smile and joined me in securing the lights.  
"I put the 'Girls Night' playlist on shuffle, and it came up first." His explanation made me cackle so much I had to cover my face. Seeing my reaction, he started singing along to the song with ridiculous passion.  
I shook my head in disbelief before brushing past him to grab the rest of the pillows and start to put them inside our fort. My back hurt and was so stiff I had to crouch, resulting in hurt knee barking in pain. It made me think that even though I was building a literal blanket fort my body was of a fifty-year-old granny.  
I took arranging the interior upon myself, so I was kneeling in the fort when a doorbell rang, reminding me of my headache.  
"It's probably take out, I'll get it," Lin proposed. I let out a muffled 'mhmm' as crawled out of the fort and grabbed my pajama set from the bag.   
Brushing past Lin in the hallway, I made my way to the bathroom. Having checked that my bruise was still covered, I changed into my pajamas. The mirror was too small for me to examine how I looked in it, so I had to rely on my memory from the store's changing room. I looked down on the bruise on my knee and cursed myself for not thinking to cover it with concealer. Hoping Lin wouldn't notice it, though it would be a miracle, considering the size of the bruise, I left the bathroom and returned to the living room. I wasn't sure if Lin would be comfortable with me not wearing a bra, so since mine was wireless and lace I could bear keeping it on.   
Lin was in the kitchen taking plates out of cabinets, so I made my way there to check if he needed help with anything. On the tables were about five takeout bags, the sight of which made my eyes widen. We were supposed to eat all of this, I marveled.  
"I followed your instructions on not getting anything too heavy," he explained, his back turned on me as he was going through a utensils drawer. "So I got us veggie tacos and sweet potato fries, but also a rice salad, a hummus wrap, and..."  
During his ramble, I've been peeking inside the bags, but his trailing off caught my attention and made me snap my head up. He was facing me now, his eyes wide as a scarlet patch spread over his cheeks. I raised one brow, unsure of the reason behind his distress.  
"You're okay?" I moved to get the plates and utensils from him. He coughed and nodded, handing me both.  
"Yeah, um, we should go eat," he muttered, his eyes adverting somewhere behind me. He shook his head slightly before grabbing the bags and motioning for us to go to the table. 

When we finished eating, Lin was still a bit red on the face, but I blamed it on the hot sauce that he drowned his wrap in. As I helped him put the plates and now mostly empty bags away, he pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses.  
"You're a mind reader," I chirped, half-leaning on a counter, a grin forming on my lips.  
"Come on, agent y/l/n." He motioned for me to follow as he returned to the living room. "I think we deserve to make use of our blanket fort."  
He held up the blanket for me as I crawled inside, stifling groan when I had to bend my sore back. Before joining, Lin turned off the main light and switched on the fairy lights instead. I gasped as it lit up the inside of our fort, creating a cozy atmosphere. Were it winter I'd probably ask to listen to some Christmas songs, but now an acoustic cover of some 90s song was a perfect choice.  
Once Lin has entered and crawled next to me, I realized how narrow it actually was inside the fort. If we weren't lying on our sides, we would undoubtedly be touching. My heart skipped a beat and goosebumps rose on my arms. Still, I could feel a wave of heat crawl into my cheeks. My skimpy pajama should be keeping me cool, but now I could feel my blood boiling.   
Lin handed me a glass of wine and I took a sip after muttering a thank you. The wine was white and half-sweet, perfect for a hot, summer night.  
"Aren't you too hot in those jeans for you?" I marveled out loud when I noticed that he was still fully clothed. Suddenly I felt insecure with my body so revealed. Especially since I've just eaten a taco and a wrap. I didn't even want to think about comments Katrina would greet me with.  
I glanced up at Lin and locked my eyes with his. There was a glimmer in them, making them look like black diamonds as he smirked.  
"A bit uncomfortable, to be honest, but not hot," he shrugged causing a strand of his now dry hair to fall over his eyes. I fought the urge to tuck it back and brush my fingers through his hair. "I should probably change into a pajama, like you."  
His graze dropped to my shirt and I could feel a blush forming on my cheeks. Suddenly, I wanted to grab one of the pillows and cover my stomach with it. Trying to feign confidence I played with a strand of my hair and grinned.  
"What kind of a slumber party would that be if we weren't wearing pajamas? Go change into proper mission attire, agent!" I poked his arm with a finger at what he threw his head back in laughter. Grunting quietly, he crawled out of the fort and told me to wait a second. So I sat there and sipped on my wine.

I wasn't prepared for the sight of Lin in his pajamas. He crawled back inside and lay next to me, wearing a black tank top that reminded me of that scene in the first Iron Man when Tony is building in the cave, and grey sweats. God, have mercy, grey sweats. Don't guys know what grey sweats do to a woman, I wondered, adverting my eyes to the fairy lights flickering above us. I scolded myself for letting my thoughts wander this path, thinking of how Jada was completely wrong about me getting with somebody. I knew she would grill my ass for detail about tonight, but I wasn't looking for any spicy detail to add to the story.   
I stretched my arm to put behind my head but whimpered as I pulled on a sore back muscle. Lin's hand was quickly on my arm, his touch light as a feather. Our eyes met, his dark with worry, brows scrunched together.  
"Are you okay?" his voice was a low grumble. He observed with the same concerned expression as I lowered my arm and sighed in relief.  
"Yeah, just back pain, I'm used to it," I explained, waving my hand to dismiss any further questions. But Lin was still examining me, his forehead wrinkled, so I shrugged. "It's from dance practices, I don't have time to go to a massagist, so if I can't reach a certain muscle and massage it myself I have to wait for it to stop aching on its own."  
Lin's scratched his beard, deep in thought before sitting up with an excited smile, his eyes as bright as the fairy lights.  
"Lay on your stomach, come on." He motioned for me to turn around with a finger. My brows shot up as I tried to grasp his meaning. Seeing my confusion, he continued, "I'll massage it for you, okay?"  
Stopping my jaw from dropping completely, I shook my head with a small smile. The last time I went to a massagist was two years ago when I'd pulled a muscle during competition. I remembered how uncomfortable I was having a stranger massage me, especially since it was an elderly man, who wasn't fully professional about this. And even though I knew Lin was offering this out of the goodness of his heart, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I shouldn't let a stranger touch me like that. Even if something in my chest leaped when I imagined his hands on me.  
"I should be using you as my personal massagist, Lin, I'll be okay, truly," my voice rose an octave, so I had to clear my throat before continuing. "It's not even bothering me that much to be honest."  
He lifted one eyebrow and cocked his head, full of disbelief. I knew he had to fight off rolling his eyes.  
"Yeah, and you haven't been grunting in pain this entire evening? Come on, I get it if you don't want me to massage you because we've met only recently, even though we've built a blanket fort together which kind of makes us besties now..."  
I snorted at the last part earning myself a grin from Lin before he continued,  
"But you won't convince me with that I'll-be-okay bullshit. If you're in pain the least I can do is attempt to relieve you of it."  
I bit my lower lip, suppressing a smile threatening to show, wondering how in hell was he so kind. He locked his eyes with mine, displaying a typical puppy-pleading-for-attention expression so I only sighed and rolled onto my stomach with a grunt.

His touch was gentle yet every time he massaged an especially sore muscle I had to muffle a whimper. The first time his knuckles dug into one particularly stiff point, I cried out causing Lin to apologize for another five minutes before I could convince him that it was actually a good sign. From time to time I'd sip on the wine as Lin made sure my glass was always full.  
"So, you dance?" he questioned after a moment of silence disrupted only by my heavy breathing. Right, I remembered I had mentioned that.  
"Yeah, I train ballet four times a week at-" I was cut off by a moan escaping my lips when he massaged a very sore part of my lower back. My cheeks heated, crimson spilling over them. I stuttered, "Sorry, geez, that was embarrassing."  
I could hear Lin's quiet chuckle before he responded.  
"It's okay, is that another sore spot?" his fingers brushed against the same place that made me moan. I nodded, letting him continue. "How long have you been practicing?"  
"Since I was 10," I explained, more careful to bite down any noises trying to escape my lips now, "it's quite late for a ballet dancer, but when I was younger I was simply too shy to go to any classes."  
Lin snorted quietly in response, still massaging the same sore spot. I could feel it slowly relaxing.  
"You? Shy? I'm not sure my imagination can grasp that," he snickered before moving his fingers upward my spine. A light shiver followed his movement. "But tell me more, how did you start dancing? What was your inspiration?"  
I let my lids close, a little smile creeping into my lips as memories overcame me.   
"My grandmother used to be a dancer in her youth," I mused, my voice barely above a whisper as I let myself relax under Lin's touch. He was surprisingly good at it. I even could feel my headache getting better, even though my brain certainly couldn't be massaged. "Every time I would visit her, she would grace me with stories of her best performances and would put on some classical music on the record player..."  
I let myself trail off remembering how she took me to a ballet performance. A community theater put out their performance of La Esmeralda in fall and my grandmother took me to see it on my ninth birthday.   
I missed her greatly since I haven't seen my grandma in over a year now, I realized, causing my eyes to shoot open. But with Kylie's wedding... I could be sure she would be there.   
"OH MY GOD," I exclaimed into the pillow I was lying on and started laughing.   
"Y/n?" Lin's voice reached me, concern lacing it. I lifted my head a little and crooked it so I could see him.  
"I'm gonna see my grandma in a month!" Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly blinked them away, a smile crinkling my face. I was sure I looked like a madwoman. "At my sister's wedding! She's gonna be there too!"  
Since Lin looked confused by my sudden outburst I quickly told him how Kylie had Facetimed me today to reveal the great news. Of course, I left out the part in which she believed that I was bringing a date with me. I didn't want to unpack that issue yet, knowing I still had time to somehow untangle it and get my sister to cancel the other reservation.  
In the midst of my explanation, I rolled back on my back, now free of pain. Lin seemed to get comfortable too as he laid back on the pillows, absorbed in my story of how my sister met Andrew while studying in Europe.  
"Your family sounds fun," he mused after I'd told him how my sister and I got wasted drunk when I visited her in college.   
It was her twenty-second birthday and she invited me to party with her friends at a club in Warsaw, even though I was only sixteen. Seeing that legal age for drinking there is eighteen, I managed to get into the club and get so drunk I spent half of the night throwing up in men's bathroom. My sister in a stall right next to mine, Andrew holding her hair. I remember thinking about how I would kill to have somebody care so much for me.  
"Thanks, though my dad would destroy you on a karaoke night," I snickered, remembering how we met. Noticing Lin's raised eyebrows, I explained further "He would first challenge you to a drink-off and after getting you blackout wasted, would make you sing a duet of some old war song with him."  
"Okay, now I need to meet your dad and do just that!" He held his hands up as I cackled imagining such a scene. Though I knew that wouldn't happen, I couldn't help but wish for it to come true. And for me to record it once it's happening.  
A moment of silence embraced us, my headache just a slight pulsing in my temples. My head started to spin due to me getting a bit tipsy from the wine, the effect enhanced by the relaxation of the massage. It didn't bother me, though. I rolled onto my side, meeting Lin's eyes. He was still smiling, eyes bright, fairy lights reflecting in them. I could guess he was getting slightly drunk, too.  
"Thank you," I whispered, feeling as if raising my voice would ruin the atmosphere. "For tonight, for the massage, for wine. I really needed that."  
He reached out his hand and did something I wanted to do to him this entire night. He whisked away from my face a stranded piece of my hair from, running his fingers through it.   
"Anytime, agent y/l/n." his breath brushed my cheeks. Wine buzzing in my veins, I let myself lean forward, gaze fixed with his.   
It was not a date, I recalled my words. And I shouldn't get so close, even if it was wine's fault. Blinking a few times, I leaned back into the pillows, forcing a smile.  
"Should we watch a movie or what?" I asked, catching Lin's glare. There was something I couldn't name in it. Confusion? Doubt? Shrugging it off, I downed my glass of wine. "I vote Clueless!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? Saturday is not yet over, so brace yourselves for the next chapter!


	10. Laughs and tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Lin's fun at their slumber party continues... before some lies come to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10, here we go! Hope you'll enjoy it!

"But that's incest!" Lin threw his hands up, looking tired of repeating the same three words for the tenth time. I only rolled my eyes and downed my glass of wine. Upon reaching for the bottle to get a refill, I realized it was empty. And it was our second bottle. I figured that it made sense since we've spent half of the movie giggling like teenagers and acting out the scenes dramatically.  
"Yeah, but the movie is still iconic, though!" I chuckled, putting my head back on the pillow, which I'd placed on Lin's shoulder forty minutes into the movie. There hadn't been enough space in the fort to put the laptop between us, so Lin had placed it on his lap.  
"I have to agree with you. Paul Rudd is legendary." He closed the laptop, and I had to lift my head for him to sit up and put it away.  
"I was thinking about Alicia Silverstone!" I exclaimed, feigning anger, and leaned back as he returned to the previous position. "Paul Rudd can still get it, though."  
Lin's body shook with laughter causing me to bounce on the pillow as well.  
"Yeah, he's been to the show, and I thought I would lose it on stage," he panted between laughter fits. I simply gaped at him, eyes wide, until he noticed I was silent. He crooked his neck and raised his brows in confusion. "What?"  
"You can't just mention that casually!" I leaned away from him once I've realized how close we've been. He seemed to have realized that too because his gaze dropped as a subtle blush crept onto his cheeks.  
"Want to see a photo?" He reached into his pants' pocket and fished out his phone. There was a mischievous grin spreading on his lips. I nodded fiercely and scooted a little bit closer to him again. This time I was too conscious of how close we were, so I remained a little farther than prior as he showed me a selfie with Paul Rudd.  
I shook my head in disbelief before an idea popped into my mind.  
"Oh, speaking of photos," I panted, "We should take some of the fort!"  
"Sure, but only if you don't mind me posting them on Twitter," Lin shrugged with a smile and turned on the camera on his phone.  
"Yeah, I figured since you seem addicted to it." I rolled my eyes mocking annoyance. "How come Twitter doesn't decide your underwear color for the day?"  
He snorted and whipped the camera to me, taking a picture without warning. I exclaimed in protest.  
"Hey, you can't just not tell me when you take a photo, I'm unphotogenic!" I reached to take the phone from me, but he kept it too far in an outstretched hand. A grunt left my lips as I hit my hurt knee on something.  
"Ouch, that was my stomach," Lin breathed. I mumbled a quick apology, but he seemed absorbed with something else. His little smile disappeared, and once I'd followed his gaze, I understood why. "What'd happened to your leg?"  
I swallowed a curse that threatened to leave my mouth and shrugged. My mind raced, searching for a believable lie.  
"Fell during practice today." I smiled, trying to sound convincing "It happens sometimes, usually when we get a new number."  
He slowly nodded in understanding as his fingers brushed on my knee. His touch was so gentle I barely felt it.  
"I have some numbing cream if you want."  
He shifted to get up, but I quickly shook my head for no, grabbing his arm.  
"It's okay, doesn't hurt too much." I shrugged, lying back against the pillows. "And I'm sorry for kicking you in the gut."  
"Well, I think you'll have to work a bit for my forgiveness," he mused, a self-satisfied smirk growing on his face. There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes, which made my heart skip a beat. I tilted my head, lifting my chin a bit.  
"And what would I have to do to earn it?" My voice was huskier, making me want to cough.  
"Hmmm, I don't know yet," he pondered out loud "maybe I'll have to ask Twitter."  
An ugly cackle escaped my lips as I threw my head back. Lin was already going through his phone, probably already tweeting.  
"Goin' live in three, two..." he put the camera in selfie mode. My eyes went wide when I realized what he was doing.  
"Shit-"  
"One!" he finished with a smile. I quickly escaped the frame, fixing my hair. My makeup should be okay enough since Lin hasn't made any comments about the bruise above my eye. I thanked gods it was just color and not much swelling since make-up can't help with that. "Oh, there are people here already, wow. Hello! Hello! Hello!"  
Not being able to help it, I smiled, taking in his glowing eyes and bright expression as he talked to his fans.  
"Yes, we built the fort, y/n is here with me," he looked up, his eyes questioning. "I'm not sure if she wants to go on camera, but you'll have to excuse her if she doesn't."  
My heart fluttered, a warm feeling spreading over it as I took in Lin's thoughtfulness.  
"Just give me a second, I'll go get us more wine before I show myself to the world." I crawled outside the fort and stretched my back, finally getting to check if Lin's massage helped.  
"Oh, wow," I breathed and rolled my shoulders to appreciate being pain-free. Knowing Lin was still live, I stopped myself from popping my head back into the fort and yelling out a thank you. Instead, I headed to the kitchen.

Upon returning to the fort, I was met by the sight of Lin smiling from ear to ear, still talking to Twitter.  
"...need you to find a way for y/n to make it up for me," he finished off as I crawled next to him, a bottle in hand. I took the opener and leaned into to frame while opening the wine.  
"Hi, everybody, I'm y/n!" At my words, Lin positioned the phone further from his face, so that we both could fit into the frame. I handed him a newly filled glass and took a sip from mine as well. "So, what did I miss?"  
The comments flooded the screen so fast that it was almost impossible to read any of them.  
"Oh, I've just told them how you managed to kick me in the gut, so they're figuring out how you should redeem yourself." He shot me a mischievous glance, biting his lip. Not being able to help myself, I snorted.  
"And what are they saying?" I cocked my chin before leaning back and holding up one finger. "I'm not massaging you, though, especially your feet."  
Lin rolled his eyes and cocked one eyebrow playfully.  
"What, are you afraid you would do worse than me?" he laughed and looked back at his phone, reading the comments.  
"Shut up, Miranda," I mumbled before downing half of my wine glass. He snickered and focused on the comments.  
"They're saying you should give me a massage or," he trailed off, shaking his head. There was a little blush coming onto his cheeks. I motioned for him to continue as he looked my way. "Well, a fair number of people want you to give me an apology kiss."  
Tears welled up my eyes as I almost choked on my wine. I fanned my face, laughing nervously, as a crimson wave hit my cheeks.  
"Oh, hell no, you made that up," I snorted, leaning closer to the phone to see the comments.  
But indeed, the majority of them were about me either kissing him either where I'd kicked him or on a cheek. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to come up with an excuse. Twitter won't dictate my life, after all, I thought.  
"Didn't I pull up with blankets and pillows so you could have a fort in your living room?" I directed the words at Lin, poking his shoulder. He seemed to be suspiciously enjoying himself, a smile threatening to break onto his lips. "What?"  
"The people have spoken, you have to pay for what you've done." Now he was fully smiling, little crinkles surrounding his dark eyes, which now glistened with some unknown light. He tapped his cheek and pulled his hair away. "Pay up, y/n."  
"Oh, for shit's sake!" I threw my hands in the air and whipped my hair on my back. A knot formed in my stomach and I ran my hands across my face before leaning to Lin and kissing him quickly on the cheek. "You're all a bunch of kids, you included."  
I pointed an accusatory finger at him and downed my wine causing Lin to boom with laughter. His cheeks were flushed with crimson now, but I guess he was just as tipsy as I was, or even more, considering his drinking skills.  
"Now, get off your phone, we have another bottle of wine to empty." I leaned back on the pillows, getting out of the frame.

A bottle of wine and a bag of popcorn later, we've found ourselves just sharing weird stories from our adolescence. We even tried playing two truths one lie, but Lin was way too good at it. I had to pretend to be mad at him for five minutes before we opted for telling only the truth.  
The alcohol did not only make me more honest, but more sleepy as well, so at some moments I would let my lids drop and listen do Lin's voice. With time his speech became messier and slurred, but to me, he still sounded brilliant.  
I knew it was late, and I should probably get going, but I couldn't make myself care. All I needed was to lay there, fluffy pillows and blankets around me, and take in Lin's stories.  
"so then I..." his voice trailed off for a moment before resuming in a whisper "are you asleep?"  
Opening one eye, I shot him a tired smile. The fort's walls spun, merging fairy lights into a streak of light. Trying to focus, I blinked both my eyes a few times and rubbed at them, but only worsened it. Now there were colorful specs flying around Lin's head as he leaned closer to me and put back a piece of hair. I fixed my gaze on his hair, taking time to enjoy their shine.  
"No, I'm just a bit sleepy."The syllables slurred, as my speech was affected by alcohol. I stretched, appreciating one again being free of pain. "What's the time?"  
I closed my eyes again as Lin ruffled the blankets, probably trying to find his phone.  
"It's nearing 1 A.M."  
"Oh, shit," I paused, interrupted by a yawn, "I should go home."  
My head spun, veins pulsed with booze, as I tried to get up. I managed to sit up but, as soon as I tried to move, my surroundings moved with me.  
"You're too drunk to even stand," Lin's voice was equally amused as it was laced with worry. "And to be honest, I'm probably no better. But you still drunk more than me tonight."  
A smile plastered on my face as I put up a fist in victory.  
"Ha! Told you I can drink more than you!" I tried, yet again, to stand, but was stopped by Lin's hand on my shoulder. I whipped my head around to face him. His eyes glistened in the fairy lights, and even though a shadow of a smile remained on his lips, his brows were furrowed.  
"I'll never doubt that for a second, but now lie back." He put slight pressure on my shoulder. I complied, not being able to think coherently as my mind was trying to comprehend my smudged surroundings.  
"You should stay here for the night," he continued in a gentle voice. In an instant, my eyes widened, and my stomach clenched. No matter how drunk I was, I would not be a liability. As if sensing I was going to protest, Lin held up a finger and continued, "Come on, we both know you'll throw up in a taxi... if there's even one driver who would let you into their taxi in this state. And riding the subway when this drunk isn't the smartest idea too."  
I huffed, even though I knew he was right. It was my damn pride that made my mind flood with shame. We only knew each other for what...two weeks? I wasn't even sure in that state. And I was supposed to spend a night over? It was different to spend an evening here but to go to sleep and wake up at his place... that somehow felt too intimate.  
I groaned, covering my face with hands.  
"Yeah, I guess you're right." My voice was muffled, the sound of it reminding me of Darth Vader. "But I don't have anything with me, not my toothbrush, not my makeup and skincare..."  
"It's okay, I have some spare toothbrushes for when my family wants to visit." His face brightened, somehow brightened that I admitted he was right. Wanting to wipe this smug smirk off his face, I grabbed a pillow from behind me and smacked him with it. I'd aimed for the face, but he managed to escape it, and I got his shoulder instead.  
"What was that for?!" he didn't seem mad, but his expression was so bewildered, I had to giggle.  
"For being right," I panted between giggles, not holding my stomach as I shook with laughter. "I am way too drunk."  
He shook his head, suppressing a smile. His hair spilled around his face from that movement. But before I could become overwhelmed from the sight, he took the pillow that hit him and smacked me right back.  
A squeal escaped me in between laughs.  
"You don't want to start a war with me, Miranda!" My voice failed at sounding threatening, causing Lin to snort when I tried to grab the pillow and hit him again.  
"Yeah? Show me what you've got, y/l/n." He grabbed another pillow from behind him and aimed. Without thinking much, I lost my pillow and threw myself at Lin, causing him to fall on his back. Not wasting time, I started tickling his stomach.  
Soon there was only mayhem and giggles as we wrestled for power.  
"Stop," I panted in between giggles, laying on my back, while Lin was tickling my waist. He must've noticed it was my sensitive spot. "Please, I'm begging you, stop!"  
A sigh of relief left my mouth when he stopped. We were breathing heavily, now both of us laying on our backs.  
"Should we get more wine?" I tilted my head to face him, sending him a mischievous glance. He was smiling like a mad man, his hair was ruffled and clothes disheveled. I figured I must've been in a similar state, but I didn't care.  
"We probably shouldn't..." he gasped, his chest moving fast. A gleam in his eyes betrayed his next words. "But that won't stop us."

Another half a bottle later, my sentences blurred, words merging into a mess of syllables put out of order. I blamed my lack of sleep last night for me not being able to handle alcohol in my usual way. Now my head thundered with pain, and I had to muffle a yawn every two minutes. I didn't even bother to keep my eyes open, letting them rest from the light. Somehow, I knew I was falling in and out of sleep every few minutes, but couldn't bring myself to wake up yet. Lin was next to me, humming along to some 90s ballad, making it even harder for me to divide dream from reality.  
Something wet brushed across my cheek, startling me. My eyes shot open to reveal Lin's focused expression, his hair hanging like a halo around his face as he leaned above me.  
"Go back to sleep, I'm just taking your make-up off," he whispered, his breath caressing my face with a sweet scent of wine. I observed his furrowed brows and dimmed eyes, as he gently wiped across my face.  
"If that's a...what are those called? A makeup wipe! I'll... um, beat your ass," I murmured. A corner of his lips lifted as he started taking off my mascara, so I had to close my eyes.  
"I didn't have anything else," his voice was tinted with amusement. "and I wasn't gonna let you ruin your skin."  
I bit down a smile at that. Makeup wipes were my enemy number two, right after not taking your makeup at all. Stress and caffeine were damaging my skin enough, so I wasn't looking forward to tugging at it with wipes. But Lin's movements were so gentle and precise, all I could do was just sigh and relax.  
"What the..." he trailed off, stopping wiping my forehead. "What happened to you?"  
Instantly, I sobered, realizing that he had taken off my concealer, revealing my bruise. I swallowed a curse and pushed a smile to my lips.  
"As I said, ballet tends to leave my bruised." I hoped to sound convincing, yet my words slurred together, making it hard for me to focus on what I was trying to say. I let my gaze wander to his eyes, which were now dark, tinted by a gloom shadow of worry and confusion.  
"Y/n, please, don't lie to me." His voice trembled, desperation lacing it. His fingers shook as he caressed my temple, brushing away my hair. "Who did this to you?"  
My heart started beating so fast and loud I was sure he could feel it. Panic flooded my senses as I tried to come up with a lie.  
"Oh, come on," I laughed, waving my hand. My lip quivered slightly. "I told you, I fell during practice, it happens."  
I lifted myself to a half-sitting position so that our faces were on a similar level. As the world spun around me for a second in effect to alcohol, Lin's hands steadied me. He was holding my shoulders so gently as if he thought there were more bruises hidden under my pajamas.  
"Y/n, I'm not stupid." His voice grew in volume. He slowly circled patterns on my skin with his fingers. "Your knee I can believe got hurt during dancing... but your head...y/n it looks like someone hit you."  
I shook my head, letting my eyes close as tears started welling up in them. My chest started rising and falling rapidly as I tried to calm down the wave of panic that overtook me. My mind raced, trying to find a plausible explanation. Why couldn't he just drop the damn subject?  
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again, meeting Lin's deep gaze. I wanted to drown in it and never emerge again.  
"Listen, nobody," I started, attempting to find the right words, "has hurt me, okay? I hit my head on the floor yesterday, no biggie."  
Lin's forehead creased as he lifted his brows. I wanted to yell at him to stop asking questions and let me go back to sleep.  
"But you said you fell in today's practice." His voice was dead, eyes searching for a sign of another lie on my face.  
A knot tied in my stomach so tightly I wanted to throw it up. Tears started running down my cheeks and I muttered a curse, rushing to wipe them away. But it was too late. Lin was already staring at me, his jaw clenched, observing my attempts to fix myself.  
"Y/n, please, just tell me what happened to you," he pleaded, his voice a whisper again. His hands cradled my cheeks so tenderly as if I was made of glass. He wiped away a strand tear with his thumb while I sniffed, trying to find my voice again.  
I fought with myself. Should I tell him I blacked out? Or should I come up with some elaborate lie to justify why I lied in the first place? But when I drowned in his eyes, so dark and fixed on me, I felt peace. Keeping our gazes locked calmed me enough to stop spiraling and feel safe again.  
"Yesterday night, when I didn't answer my phone," I swallowed, taking a moment to search for some difference of emotion in his eyes. But he was steady, like a rock I could cling to while I continued, "I, uh, I fainted. I hit my head on the floor and got myself a mean headache, as well."  
A small laugh at the end of the sentence didn't seem to help my case as Lin's brows only furrowed further. But he was still keeping our gazes locked and wiping away any tears that escaped me.  
"So, yeah, I lied," I whispered, pulling away from him. But he kept his fingers on my cheeks, keeping me from leaning away all the way. My voice broke as I resumed, "but I can't explain it. I just don't want to talk about this to anybody... so I lie. To you, to Leah, to Jada..."  
I trailed off as he leaned closer to me, moving his right hand to my hair to keep it from falling in my eyes. His eyes were dim with such sadness it made my heart ache.  
"Y/n, I need you to listen to me carefully," he whispered. While his right hand stroked my temple, the other fell to my clenched hands and grabbed one. Before resuming, he kissed each of my knuckles, causing tears to fall down my face again. "You can tell me anything, and I'll always listen. But please, don't lie to me about your health ever again."  
He put away my hand and grabbed the other one, then again kissed each of my knuckles. I shook, swallowing a quiet sob that threatened to leave my lips. Once he was done with my hands, he caressed my cheeks yet again. I couldn't find it in me to talk, wanting to take in everything he had to say.  
"I know you don't want to go to the hospital," he started and put a finger on my lips to keep me from arguing. Not being able to help it, the corners of my mouth lifted slightly. "but you have to go see a doctor. It's impossible to faint without a reason, and I've seen you almost collapse way too many times."  
I dropped my head, making his hands fall to my shoulders again. I could guess what the reason for my fainting was, but to share it with Lin... It somehow felt too intimate. Nevertheless, there was a small voice in the back of my mind, telling me I should explain everything to Lin. I didn't want to listen to it. After all, saying those things out loud would mean acknowledging their existence. I wouldn't be able to pack them all back inside me once I'd released them.  
So I lifted my chin again, meeting Lin's sorrow glance. All that time, he was so occupied on me, making something in my heart soar. Swallowing hard, I shook my head lightly.  
"I have practice tomorrow, and I have no time during the week to go."  
He seemed as if he wanted to protest, so I grabbed his shoulder, caressing his skin just as he did to mine.  
"I'm going to be okay, I promise," I whispered. Having noticed how close to each other we have leaned, I should pull away. But I couldn't. Instead, I pressed a feather-like kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for everything, but let's go to sleep, okay?"  
A pink spot showed where I'd pressed my lips. He squeezed his eyes, shaking his head. His hair spilled on his face, so he had to let go of my arms to fix them.  
"Okay, but we'll talk tomorrow," he mumbled, a smile that didn't reach his eyes stretched his lips.  
I didn't want this smile to disappear, no matter how small it was. So instead of picking up an argument, I leaned back down on the pillows and grabbed a blanket.  
"Goodnight, Lin," I whispered, closing my eyes. I barely heard him crawl out of the fort before sleep overtook me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slow burn is killing me! But we all have to suffer sometimes.  
> Comment your down below! XOXO


	11. One lovely morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Lin spend a morning together. Will she go to the doctor's or will she be a total idiot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for being so patient! Here's chapter 11

I looked just like I felt, so like hell. My bruise turned purple through the night, with its outsides a green shade. Sighing, I turned away from my reflection and left the bathroom.   
Lin had provided me with a clean towel and toothbrush so that I could refreshen myself. This man should invest in something better than a 3-in-1 shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner. Even though I could already feel my hair turn crusty, I had to appreciate the scent. Well, it smelt of Lin, so I couldn't help but inhale it deeply.  
"Coffee's ready!" Lin's voice reached me from the kitchen as I made my way through his apartment. The fort still stood, blankets and pillows now disheveled on the floor.   
Having put my pajamas away, I entered the kitchen. I was wearing clothes from the day prior, a t-shirt and jean shorts, so even though I was clean, I didn't feel my best. And there was also this enormous hangover that made my head spin from pain and stomach clench.   
Lin was stirring something on a pan, yet there was already coffee sitting on the kitchen island. I took my place and sipped the black liquid. Usually, I opted for coffee with milk, but I guessed a bitter one would be better for a hangover.  
"I didn't know how you like your eggs, so I just scrambled them, hope you don't mind." Lin turned to me, holding two plates, and sat opposite me.  
"Oh, I'm not that hungry, actually," I mumbled, fidgeting with my fingers. I should've told him not to bother with food for me. I didn't want to show up to practice feeling heavy. My hangover made it difficult, after all, to even wake up today.  
But thank gods for Lin who had heard an alarm go off on my phone for the third time, and got up to wake me.   
It already made me embarrassed that I'd woken him, but for him to make breakfast for me was too much.   
"I'm so sorry. I should've told you I don't eat before practice." I ran my fingers through my wet hair.  
Lin's eyes widened, and he froze with a fork mid-way to his mouth. He shook his head slightly before clearing his throat.  
"You're not leaving this house on an empty stomach," he said, putting one finger up. I put my coffee down to argue, but he continued, "You fainted a little over twenty-four hours ago, and are hangover!"  
His voice had raised an octave, disbelief lacing it thoroughly. Not sure if he was done giving me a lecture, I lifted the mug again and sipped.  
"You shouldn't have been drinking yesterday in the first place," he groaned. He reached to his face and pinched his nose bridge.   
I had to swallow a curse. Of course, he was tired and hangover, having spent last night with me. I shouldn't be such a pain in the ass in the morning for him, especially since I was his guest.  
"It's honestly not that bad, Lin, I promise." My voice was more pleading than promising. I fidgeted on my seat and took another sip to give myself more time to look for the right words. "I'll sweat out all the alcohol in practice and go home to rest afterward. It's truly not that serious... and look on the bright side, now you have more breakfast for yourself!"  
He shot me a doubtful look from under furrowed brows. I was reaching with the last sentence, but it was all I could come up with to help the atmosphere.   
"Do I have to force-feed you?" he sighed, but couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from lifting slightly. "Come on, at least eat the half of it so you don't faint in practice. It will help with your hangover, too, I swear."  
"Lin, I'll eat during the break, seriously. I always do it that way.'' I couldn't stop myself from groaning when he opened his mouth to protest. "Really, food will make it worse."  
Not only would I feel bloated, but Katrina wouldn't spare a chance to point out my appearance again. Though I was sure she would point out my lack of grace, I wasn't looking for a way to make it easier for her. What I needed to do was slay my duet with Jada so I can score a better role in our next performance.  
Remembering I had to leave earlier than usual, I checked my phone. It was a little past 7 A.M., so still half an hour was left. There were some notifications, but I guessed it would be rude of me to stare at my phone right now, so I put it in my back pocket instead.  
"I should get prepared," I mumbled, suddenly hesitant. Even though our breakfast quarrel made me embarrassed, my stomach clenched at the thought of leaving.   
Taking my coffee, I stood and made my way to fetch my makeup bag. I'd only packed concealer and foundation in case of having to re-apply them in my bruise yesterday evening. I hadn't planned having spent the night, but it wasn't unusual of me to come to practice bare-faced. I guessed arriving with half of my makeup done wouldn't be so odd, either.  
I used the bathroom mirror, listening to Lin hustle around the kitchen. There was still a hint of a blush on my cheeks, making me look like a lobster. I groaned, trying to cover it with makeup, earning attention from Lin.  
"Is something wrong?" his voice was strained, as he called out.   
Having packed my makeup, I rushed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Lin seemed to be done eating and was now packing something into a glass container with his back turned on me.  
"I need your opinion, so be honest with me," I breathed, fidgeting in place. He whipped around, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. I put up two fingers. "Two things. How bad is it, can you see my bruise?"  
He furrowed his brows and took a step closer, his eyes fixed on my forehead. It took all my willpower not to yell at him to spit it out.  
"You're good, it doesn't even peek through." His expression fell as he continued. "But if you're concealing it so that nobody else tells you to go see a doctor, I'm gonna have to call Daveed and just drag you to a hospital with him, instead."  
A snort escaped me when I imagined both of them carrying me through a hospital door. I would probably struggle to escape them, managing to kick one in the face or somewhere else in the process.   
"I just don't want people staring at it all the time," I shrugged. Putting up one finger, I resumed my questions, "The other thing. How awful do I look overall? Could you tell I was hangover if you didn't know already?"  
Chuckling, he mockingly squinted his eyes and examined me thoroughly. It quickly made me regret asking since now I felt naked under his gaze. And I was certainly covered more than when I was wearing my pajamas.  
"Well, aside from the fact that you are always beautiful," he started, waving a hand at me. A nervous smile crept onto my face, me being not able to stop it. "you should be good. You even look more well-rested than usual."  
An audible sigh of relief left my lips, causing Lin to snort before he turned back to whatever he'd been doing before I interrupted him.  
"I know you're not hungry," he started, his voice sarcastic, and turned to me again. There was a glass container with what I guessed were two toasts and a left-over wrap. "But you've said, you would eat during the break, so at least have something more than a protein bar."  
My stomach clenched as an overwhelming feeling of what could only be gratefulness overcame me. I accepted the container from his outstretched hands, still lost for words.   
"Um, thank you," I stammered, as he smiled. He seemed as if I relieved him of some great weight, taking the food. I shrugged it off, telling myself it was just my mind, playing tricks on me, and always overthinking shit.   
"I've been thinking and even asked Jasmine about it, but-" Whatever he was trying to say was cut short but an alarm on my phone going off. I cursed loudly, fishing it out of my pocket. It was a reminder I'd set to tell me when I would have to leave. Seeing it was already 7:30, I uttered a curse again and put my phone back.  
"Hold that thought, but I need to go," I huffed, before running off to the hallway, leaving Lin stunned in the kitchen. We still haven't taken the fort down, so I'd either have to work in the speed of light to gather my pillows and blankets. Knowing I didn't have time for that, I rushed to put on my shoes and grabbed only necessary items.  
In the corner of my eye, I noticed when Lin entered the hallway.  
"Don't you have a jacket?" his voice was concerned, yet somehow calming, helping me gather my thoughts.   
I shook my head for no while packing the glass container to my bag. Lin took a step closer.  
"It's about to start raining, so here" he stretched out a hand with a black hoodie in it. I gaped at it for a second before shaking my head violently.  
"It's okay. I'm not made of sugar." I cocked a brow, tilting my head. He only rolled his eyes and pushed the hoodie into my hands.  
"Oh, I know you're not, you're way too bitter to be," he sneered. He mirrored my expression, raising an eyebrow, and giving me a half-smile.   
I crossed my arms and pouted in mock hurt before snatching the hoodie from him.  
"Well, for your information I'm rotten sweet, sir" I huffed and pulled the hoodie through my head. "I'll go even as far as to say I am sweeter than you."  
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he struggled to stop himself from bursting out laughing. I, too, had to bite down a stretching grin.  
"Come on, in this hoodie you're sweeter than anybody." He let his smile grow as he adjusted the hood, putting it up. I prayed makeup covered the wave of heat that crept to my face. Shivers run down my spine even though I wasn't even remotely cold. How was I trembling in a hoodie and not in those skimpy pajamas?  
Suddenly, I remembered Jasmine's words during our shopping trip with Phillipa. She said they were laughing about something Lin had done, and I let it drop then, but now... I could get the answer straight from the source. Cursing myself for not having thought of asking him when he was still drunk and willing to share everything, I fidgeted in place.  
"Hey, Jasmine and Phillipa mentioned something you'd done," I began, but paused seeing Lin's smile falter. Knowing there was no way back of asking now, I proceeded "they haven't exactly said what it was, but they seemed to be quite... amused?"  
My tone made it sound more like a question, so I hoped he would pick the subject up on his own.  
Before I could interpret the change in his mood, he had a smile stretching on his lips again. However, it felt artificial as it didn't reach his eyes.  
"I'll tell you later. It's a long story," he breathed and brushed past me and opening the door for me. "Now don't be late for practice. And text me when you get there safely."  
I snorted, grabbing my things and brushing past him.  
"Sure, you mother hen," I chuckled, an urge to ruffle his hair almost overcoming me. Instead, I saluted. "Congratulations, agent Miranda, on your successful fort-building-mission."  
He saluted back with a mischievous smirk.  
"Thank you, agent y/l/n, it wouldn't be possible without you."

Even though Katrina didn't call me an ungraceful whale, I still felt anxious as she observed me during our break.  
I was sitting on the floor next to Jada, who was downing her smoothie in the speed of light. She's been rambling about a date she had planned with Silvia next weekend, and I've been listening to her eagerly. Grateful, she hasn't questioned me about my evening with Lin yet, I opened my food container.  
I took it out and read:  
"Good morning,  
Kick your fears in the cojones.  
THEN RUN LETS GO LETS GO!"  
A giggle escaped me before I could stop it, making Jada stop her having to get her braids done.  
"And what do we have here?" she mused, snatching the paper from my hand. I let out a short cry, trying to get it back, but she held it away from me. "Good morning, blah blah blah. Cojones? Blah, blah, blah..."  
She whipped back to face me and crossed her arms over the chest. Her expression was already betraying her words.  
"Who did you get that from," she paused to give me back the note. I put it in my phone case as she continued, "and what the hell does cojones mean?"  
Her voice started drawing attention from other students, and suddenly I felt like I was passing gossip in middle school again. I shot a disapproving look to two girls closest to us, who were already leaning in to eavesdrop.   
"Maybe say it louder, cause Katrina seems not to have heard it yet," I groaned, pulling Jada closer by the arm so that we could communicate in hushed voices.   
She motioned for me to continue, biting her lip in anticipation. Suppressing the urge to slap her on the shoulder, I started, "I got it from Lin. And please don't freak, but I spent the night at his place yesterday."  
Her eyes widened so much I feared they might fall out. She repeatedly opened and closed her mouth, but before she could utter anything, I grabbed her by the forearm.  
"I know you'll ask, so no, we haven't slept together, I just drunk too much," I whispered. She seemed to be slowly recovering from my words, and finally closed her mouth. "And to answer your second question, I can only guess cojones means balls."  
Jada ran her hand across the face, shuddering slightly in laughter. Her muffled chuckles still reached my ears, even when I decided to give her time to calm down and started eating my toast.  
"Wait a damn minute," she breathed, shaking her head. Having taken the last sip of her smoothie, she continued, still giggling. "you're telling me that you've spent the night there, completely wasted at that, and you're telling me that only now?! Bitch, I've been rambling about my getting my hair done for a date all morning, and you sat there quiet about getting all fuzzy and comfy yesterday?"  
My mouth quivered as I tried to keep a straight face at her distress. I only shrugged and resumed eating.   
"And what you're not going to say anything now?" She gaped at me, her brows high up her forehead.   
Katrina's nagging voice, telling us to come back to the practice room, saved me from answering.

Finally having some free time to check my phone, I scrolled through it in the subway on my way home. The wagon was so full there weren't any free seats, so I had to lean heavily on a pole, my legs pulsing in pain. Thankfully, my back has been perfectly fine since Lin gave me the massage, and even practice didn't ruin that. What's more, I was finally able to get through my duet with Jada without hunching.   
My brows instantly furrowed at the sight of a text notification from Kylie. I swallowed a curse, remembering I still had to tell her I was coming to the wedding alone. Having opened the text, I let a stream of curse words leave my mouth, earning me a disgusted once-over from an old lady opposite me.   
The massage had a link to two plane tickets attached to it, I still had to fill in the personal information, but apparently, Kylie has already paid for them. The text simply stated.  
Here are the plane tickets. Can't wait to see you at my wedding. I wanted to send you a physical invitation, but I don't have your NY address. But I took a picture, so you can at least see how AMAZING the design on them is.  
Numb of any emotion, I scrolled to see a picture of a wedding invitation, addressed to me and my "significant other". It was truly beautiful, with silver trimming and elegant writing, for sure not Kylie's. It said:  
Join us for the wedding of Kylie and Andrew. Saturday 10th August, Saint Katarzyna's Church in Gdansk, Poland.  
My mind raced in an attempt to find a way out of it. I wanted to be there, of course, but now there would be too much explaining to do. And for sure Kylie would tell the story of how I'd forgotten to tell her I'm single at every family gathering.   
The only way to cope with it now was for me to try to ignore it today. For sure there will be some occasion to fix this mess, I thought as the train neared my stop.  
Quickly, I opened other notifications. My mentions on twitter were flooded with people talking about yesterday evening. I downloaded a screenshot of me kissing Lin's cheek and one of us laughing right after. There was also a tweet from Lin.   
@Lin_Manuel y/n is probably the only person that could make me watch Clueless. Long story short, best sleepover ever.  
There were photos of the fort attached, one of which contained me not looking at the camera. I guessed it was right before I kicked him in the stomach. A corner of my lips quivered, when I typed out a response. I hit send right before stepping out the train. The reply said:  
@y/n @Lin_Manuel I wouldn't say this was the happiest moment in my life. Once I found 10$ in my coat pocket and it was amazing. The wine was good, tho.

My hopes of getting to relax this afternoon were cut short by a mail from my boss. She ordered me to prepare documents for her next case and bring them to court tomorrow. That led to me having to ride to the office only to discover that the documents I had to prepare were not there. After about ten calls to different co-workers, including the sleazy dude from the second floor, I discovered the papers hadn't been even delivered to our office yet. Meaning I had to make another fifteen calls to locate them at a police station in Brooklyn.   
Long story short, I started working on the documents at 8 P.M. and finished long after midnight. Only sheer willpower and caffeine kept me from falling asleep by my dinner table. I made no breaks, wanting to get it all done as soon as possible, but seeing how late it had gotten made me pinch the bridge of my nose.   
Having closed my laptop, and organized the papers, I made my way to the bathroom, my feet dragging on the floor. I thanked gods my back didn't start to hurt again from spending so much time sitting. Nevertheless, my legs begged for rest after the whole day of running from office to office.   
My lids heavied as a stream of scorching hot water relaxed my sore muscles. Sure I fell asleep for a moment while standing there and letting the water run, I made my way to the bedroom. I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the one remaining pillow, which wasn't currently at Lin's.

A Monday spent in the courtroom was somehow even worse than a regular one. Though, I wondered, maybe this one was so awful due to my piercing headache and constant yawning I had to contain.   
I left the court a little after 5 P.M. and decided against heading home for a nap, even though I was so exhausted. Instead, I headed to my favorite cafe and got myself an extra-large cup of latte with two espresso shots. I knew spending so much on coffee was probably not the best for my budget, but it was a necessary sacrifice to get my work done. I knew that I was earning more than spending at this point. Or at least I had to believe that to keep going. If I let myself doubt the point for a second, I wouldn't know how to behave. There were two things I was sure of. First of all, I loved ballet and studying law. Second of all, to get better at both the best place for me was New York. Third of all, to make a living in New York, I needed more than one job. I couldn't stop and care about the rest.   
A buzzing sound from my pocket successfully interrupted my train of thought. I fished out my phone and unlocked it to reveal a text from Jasmine that said:  
Do u have some free time? I have two hours before I have to be at work so we can get coffee.  
Putting the mug down, I typed out a response:  
Yeah, I'm at a cafe right now, so you can join me. See ya!  
I attached the cafe's address and hit send. Wondering at which point I stopped questioning my friendship with Broadway stars, I bit down a smile. Now hanging out with Jasmine, Renee and Phillipa felt as natural as breathing... and my evening with Lin. A somewhat warm feeling spread over my heart each time I recalled our drunk conversations. But I couldn't help but feel weirded out whenever I remembered he'd seen me cry and knew about my Friday accident. With the reason being unknown, it felt more intimate than when I told Jada about my ex or gossiped about Katrina. But somehow even though I could tell her everything and she would listen, with Lin it was different. As if he not only listened to me but absorbed it without having to hear me say it. And I wasn't sure if I wanted anybody to strip me naked like that.  
I shook my head, trying to get myself to think about something else. Jada's words, taunting me over having a crush, echoed in my mind all the same. But I ignored them, telling myself I knew how it felt to fall in love. And it didn't feel like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... I hope you like it. Please, share your opinion below. I'm seriously crying from joy everytime I see your comments XOXO


	12. Truth hurts -but heals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin makes y/n face her problem. But will she listen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter while hangover but I hope there aren't any inconsistencies lmao.

My afternoon with Jasmine passed all too quickly, but her words stayed with me for the next few days. So on Wednesday, I found myself sitting on a train on my way to the office, overthinking once again what she'd told me.  
We talked about Anthony leaving the show last week and my Saturday at Lin's, yet much to my demise, her reaction reflected Jada's. Once I revealed that I'd spent the night, her jaw dropped, but soon a content sneer crept onto her face.   
"It went better than I'd expected," she mused, stirring her coffee.  
Yet when I asked her what she meant by that, she solely stated if I was too blind to see it myself, she wouldn't be the one to clear it for me.   
Attempting to change the subject, I started ranting about my sister's wedding. In hopes of getting a piece of advice, I even described to her my problem of not having a partner to go with me.   
I regretted it as soon as she clasped her hands together, her face scheming. Knowing there was no way to double back now, I let her present the plan.  
"What you need to do," she whispered, sounding like she was presenting CIA data. "is get somebody to fake date you. You'll pretend you're together for a few days."  
I hurled at her what I hoped was a look of disapproval, but I was way too astounded to control my facial expressions. Rubbing my temples, I let out a huff trying to gather my thoughts.  
"And how exactly is that a sensible idea?" I groaned, my voice condescending. "Plus, who on earth would agree to do that? They'd gave to go to Europe with me, after all."  
Something in Jasmine's eyes betrayed she already had thought this through and had somebody in mind. Yet her response revealed nothing.  
"It is rational, trust me, I've seen it in a movie," she halted, holding up a finger to silence me as soon as I parted my lips. "And I'm positive there are plenty of people who want to date you. Some would fo it if it's only to get to see Europe."

Not sure where she'd gotten the impression that there are plenty of people who would agree to this idea, I chose to ignore it. But coming up with anything better didn't seem remotely likely.   
I managed to keep my mind busy during my 9 to 5 in the office and my way to the club. But while I was on shift, Jasmine's idea crept back into my subconscious every half an hour. I wondered which of the people I knew would agree to this arrangement. Not sure whether bringing a girl with me would sit well with Andrew's family, I decided to only consider male options. There was also the not so tolerant part of my family, after all. This lead, of course, to significantly narrowing my possibilities. There was Max from the club, but I didn't know him well. There were guys from the office, but that was a non-starter since all of them would ridicule the idea. Guys from the ballet studio were complete strangers to me, so yet again a destined failure.  
That left me with Broadway actors, but seeing that I'd only had Lin's and Daveed's numbers, I was left with two options. 

Resolving it wasn't the best time to ponder on it while at work, I focused on serving the customers instead. It was already difficult to focus with the flashing lights and deafening music, but my headache didn't make that easier at all. I knew I had too much caffeine, still, my whole body felt heavy as if I was made of lead. Hours dragged into infinity, making me lose track of time. So when I checked my phone and saw it was only midnight, I wanted to scream from anguish.   
A text notification drew my attention from the work. It was a message from Lin, sent half an hour ago, saying:  
Hi, I took down our fort tonight and was wondering when I should swing by and drop off your things. Any suggestions?   
We haven't had a chance to see each other since Sunday morning. I was so absorbed by work and my approaching performance at the charity event, I forgot about picking my things from Lin. Though, we exchanged goodnight messages each night, as Lin requested I was to always tell him when I return home safely. He would also send me song recommendations and I'd of course answer with suggestions of my own.  
I leaned on the counter to relieve my sore legs a bit and typed out a reply. I proposed the next day because Thursdays were one of the slower days, so I had plenty of time to meet up with him.   
He responded a few seconds later, not giving me time to block my phone. While I was reading it (he said he'd swing by my place in the morning, before I leave for work), another massage from him arrived. It was a selfie of him looking all grumpy, with a cation:  
I'm gonna miss this fort. It was by far my greatest creation.  
A giggle escaped me before I typed out:  
Yeah, of course... it's not like it was totally MY creation.  
In the corner of my eye, I spotted Leah getting back from the storage room, so I quickly threw my phone back into my pocket.   
"Swear to god, girl, we're gonna stay here forever," she breathed, putting down a box of vodka bottles. Nodding, I helped her open it. As she moved to the register to serve new customers, I started putting the bottles on the shelves. There were so many of them by the time I'd finished, my arms burned. I only hoped the pain wouldn't spread to my back or I'd have to call Lin for another massage. 

This night I let Leah leave before me, promising her I would be okay with closing on my own. After having cleaned the whole club, I slowly made my way to the train station. I tried to be mindful of my surroundings, but my head pounded with pain, exhaustion once again letting itself be known.   
I didn't even notice when I finally sat down in the wagon, my knees buckling in pain. I let my lids drop as my head rested on the window. A little voice in the back of my mind scolded me for putting my face there, warning me about germs, but I was too tired to listen.   
Only by a miracle, I managed to not miss my stop, and leave the train. My feet dragged on the ground, legs screaming in pain with each step. However, I endured my way home, though curing under my breath the whole way there.   
My vision started blurring once I reached my doors and it took me a long minute to unlock my door. Remembering my last accident, I leaned heavily on the wall as I wobbled towards the bedroom.  
I tried to find a reasonable explanation for this situation. I skipped breakfast, per usual, but drank a smoothie in the office... no, I drank a smoothie yesterday, today I had a muffin... still, I probably should've eaten something prior to my shift at the club. I vividly remembered drinking two sugar-free energy drinks today, but I couldn't recall any water.  
I swallowed a curse, deciding to head to the kitchen instead. Repeating that I just need to eat something and drink some water, I staggered through my living room.   
"Stupid," I whispered to myself as I crouched to open a cabinet where I stored rice cakes and fruit-and-nut mix. Clutching them so hard my knuckles whitened, I rose to my feet again. The rapid movement, caused my vision to whiten. Trying to hold onto the counter, I stretched out my hands but grabbed onto thin air as my eyes were met by absolute darkness.

Somebody was shaking my arms violently, clutching onto them so hard pain somehow managed to register in my mind.  
"Y/n, can you hear me?" A panicked voice reached me. It belonged to a man. I somehow knew it from somewhere. It was so gentle, so caring... And it brought a sense of serenity to me, even though I didn't recognize where or when I was.  
I tried to open my eyes, but my lids were made of lead. I imagined that lifting an adult elephant would be easier than parting my lids now.   
There was a noise of this man shifting, which sounded more like a clap of thunder to my aching head, and soon something brushed against my nose. A lightweight appeared on my chest as if this somebody was leaning on it.  
Serenity left me suddenly, replaced by sheer panic, as I wondered what that person was doing. I quickly forgot about the head-splitting pain in my temples. We could be anywhere, after all, since I only remembered getting on the train to go home.  
"Thank God," the man sighed and the weight was removed from my chest along with the brushing against my nose.   
I tried opening my eyes again but only managed to flutter the eyelids. Not even a glimpse of my surroundings achieved reaching me, except it was bright around me, for sure.  
The man let out a strangled noise as if somebody punched him in the gut.  
"Hey, y/n, can you hear me?" He caressed my cheeks.   
I would be probably weirded out by somebody doing that if I wasn't now sure I knew this person. And I felt secure in their presence.  
"Blink or maybe lift your finger if you can hear me, please," his voice was a plead, making my heart soar with unknown emotion, as his other hand took mine. His touch was so tender as if my hand was porcelain.  
Remembering his request, I slowly clutched his fingers and attempted to open my eyes. This time I was more successful, keeping my eyes half-open as brightness settled around me. My vision focused slowly on the shadow leaning above me.   
Long strands of hair appeared like a crown around the man's head.  
"For shit's sake, y/n, what happened to you?" he asked and this time I recognized the voice.   
"Lin," I breathed from between chapped lips. My vision focused on his face, now crumpled with a mix of worry and relief.  
"Yeah, it's me." His breath tickled my face, making me realize one of his hands was still stroking my cheek. "You weren't picking up your phone, so I took a taxi to check on you. But you didn't answer the door..."  
He took a shuddering breath and released my hand to brush his fingers through my hair. His eyes were watery, panic still lingering in them. I lifted my arm, putting all effort into it, and brushed away a stranded piece of hair from his forehead.  
"...and thank gods they were open," he continued in a whisper.   
My vision started to focus as I took in my surroundings. Now it was clear we were in my apartment, the lights were on... and I was lying on the kitchen floor. I creased my brows, trying to remember getting here, but couldn't, so instead, I again met Lin's gaze.  
"What's the time?" I croaked, my voice hoarse, even though I didn't raise it above a whisper.   
He let go of my cheek and picked up his phone off the floor. I swallowed a curse, having caught a glimpse of 911 on the screen, ready to be dialed.   
"It's 3:40 A.M.," he whispered back, his hand returning to my cheek. My mind struggled, processing the information. Since I finished my shift at 2 A.M. and would've gotten home before 3, it meant I've been most likely unconscious for an hour.  
"Can you help me up?" My gaze locked with Lin's again. He hesitated for a second, so I cleared, "To get to bed, please."  
His arms crept behind my back and under my knees, and he lifted me before I could object. I'd meant for him to just grab my arm as I stood up, but I figured it made sense for him not to trust my ability to walk now.  
His body was warm against mine, his heartbeat a gentle flutter reaching me. Soon I was laid on my bed and Lin moved to remove my shoes.   
"Let me," I objected, wanting to prop myself up on my elbow. Instead, my vision blurred, making me almost too dizzy to register Lin's condescending look.  
"Hell no, querida," he huffed. I let the corners of my lips rise, sure that he called me stupid using the last words. If he was calm enough to use Spanish insults, I could let myself be amused. "I'll sooner cut off my cojones than let you get up now."  
I snorted, leaning back on the one remaining pillow. Even though my head was split in half with pain, I was numb to it, still too out of reality. My lids threatened to drop again, but I kept them up with pure willpower.  
"I'll get you some water and call a taxi for us, okay?" Lin's voice drew my attention back to him as made his way out.  
"A taxi? For us?" My brows furrowed. I wasn't exactly following his train of thought, though I would appreciate a glass of water. My tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth.   
"Yeah, we're going to a hospital." Lin's tone left no place for an argument, but who would I be if I didn't try? Well, probably somebody with money to cover hospital bills.  
"I don't have money for that, Lin!" I croaked, my voice still too weak to make me sound convincing. Swallowing a curse, I continued before he could part his lips to respond. "They will run a bunch of unnecessary tests, which I'll have to pay for, just to tell me in the end that there's nothing wrong with me. Then they'll just hook me to an IV for a day or two, not helping much."  
Lin looked as if he wanted to squeeze a word in, but I held up a finger to stop him from it.   
"And I don't have neither time nor money to waste on that," I huffed.  
His face was somehow, even more, crumples as his expression fell. He took a step back from the doorframe and towards my bed, his movements slow.   
"Y/n, I know you want to act tough and-" He mirrored my lifted finger when I opened my mouth to argue again. I wasn't able to stop my lips from forming a smirk at him using my own weapon against me. "and you don't want anybody to fuss over you. But it seems to me you lack care - not from friends or family - but from you."  
The bed creaked slightly as he sat on it and took my hand in his. Our gazes locked while I searched for words to stop him from continuing. His words pained me but there wasn't a way to stop him from saying them. At least, I couldn't think of any.  
"You overwork yourself, we both know that," he resumed, his tone gentle instead of accusing. I'd rather it was aggressive, so I could tell him to piss off. "I get that you take great pride in ballet and practicing law... but it's too much for one human being. Although, that's what you are. A human. A magnificent, brilliant, and exquisite one, but still human."  
His other hand brushed a piece of my hair away from my cheek, repeating the position we've been in in the kitchen. My eyes didn't dare wander away from his soft stare, so I let myself drown in the darkness of his irides and pupils. Tears started to gather in mine, but for now, didn't threaten to spill over. Nevertheless, I thought, it wouldn't be a tragedy if I cried in front of Lin. It still wouldn't be the most comfortable, but it wouldn't be so foreign either.  
"What you do is beautiful, don't think for a second it's not," he continued, his voice gaining in volume, passion echoing in it. "but you're worth more than any ballet lessons or law firms and schools in the world."  
My heart dropped, stomach tensed into a tight knot, as he kissed each of my knuckles. My breath came out raggedy and wheezy, preventing me from uttering a single vowel.   
"And it kills me-" his voice broke, causing him to swallow hard, clenching his jaw before exhaling loudly. "It kills me to see you waste away."  
A tear dripped down my cheek and sunk into the cotton pillow. Lin's finger brushed away another one that followed.   
"I... Thank you," I panted, squeezing Lin's hand firmly.  
Giving myself a chance to find the right words, I clutched onto his hand for dear life with both of mine, letting my lids drop. Slowly, but surely I steadied my breath enough to speak, yet my mind was still working through the haze. I understood its slowness was caused by me fainting, still, couldn't help but fidget nervously not being able to form coherent thoughts. My temples were pulsing with pain, but I didn't want to let go of Lin to massage them.  
I knew he was somewhat right, but admitting it felt like a failure. If I wasn't able to work to get money to make my dreams come true, I wasn't a success story. I was yet another ungraceful ballerina who would have to drop out of ballet, not being good enough to get lead roles. I was another law student, who couldn't keep pace with the professionals in fancy law firms... And if I couldn't earn enough money to stay in New York for the whole academic year and get my degree here, I was yet another girl from a small town failing at making it in the big world.  
Lin remained quiet, allowing me to concentrate and absorb his previous words. I was grateful for that, however, decided against wording it, afraid I would again lose the train of thought.  
But maybe voicing my worries here, in the dimmed light of my bedroom, wouldn't feel as official as announcing to the world I was a failure. Or maybe it will be a final nail to my coffin and I will have left New York by morning light.   
I let my mind speed up, allowing my thoughts to race, as I opened my eyes to meet Lin's patient stare. His eyes were dark, but not like a void, and more like a night sky, full of possibilities.  
"I think you are right," I murmured, feeling a sense of sanctuary surround me again. "about me overworking myself. But I don't do it without a reason, or to amuse myself, or to make others pity me. No."  
Lin's face brightened as his lips parted making it seem as though he was ready to drink any word that left my mouth. I noticed his back was hunched significantly since he'd leaned closer to me while my eyes were closed. The intimacy of it still felt foreign, but I didn't want him to pull away this time.  
I cleared my throat before continuing, holding Lin's stare.  
"I do it to feel like I'm doing something, anything, to move forward. So I can get closer to being a better dancer... or to being a lawyer once I become too old and stiff to practice ballet." My breath caught when Lin wiped away another strand tear from my cheek. I imagined how all that crying will make my headache even worse in the morning. "I do it to feel alive. And I don't know a way around it."  
He remained silent, focused on swiping away any tears escaping my eyes. One of his hands was still imprisoned in between mine, but he seemed content with it, not moving to pull it away. I stroked circular patterns on his knuckles, willing the haze on my mind to disappear. Having a feeling it was now my turn to give Lin time to think, I focused solely on playing with his fingers.  
"Then let me do it with you," he whispered, his breath a tickle against my wet face. My eyes met with his again. I noticed his face relaxed a bit as understanding replaced worry. Though the tone of his voice was still tinted with desperation when he continued. "Let me find a way around it with you. Let me help."  
My head shook involuntarily while I took in his proposition. A part of me sighed in relief and begged me to accept, while another one yelled at me to stop acting like a burden.   
"And what about you?" My tone was stronger now, yet still, I needed water to get rid of the hoarseness of it. "You work eight shows a week. Exhaust yourself on stage, sometimes twice a day, and still do rehearsals, engage with fans, the media..."  
My voice trailed off when his gaze dropped and a smirk crept into his lips. A warm wave hit my heart at the sight of this shadow of a smile.  
"I'm not saying I'm innocent here." His eyes shot up again, glistening like stars. "That's why we're be working together to become gentler with ourselves... starting with my last Hamilton show in a week."  
The hold on his hand dropped and my hands flew to cover my open mouth. I moved to prop myself up on my elbow but was stopped by Lin's firm grip on my shoulder. Instead, he helped me lean higher on the pillow.  
"You're leaving the show?" I whispered against my hand. Forgetting my headache completely, I shook my head and stifled a nervous laugh. My head was void of any thoughts as I continued, taking in his bright expression. He was smiling through tears, his eyes hopeful. "But you love that show. You've spent years on it."  
Wasn't my voice too weak to raise it, I would. My mind raced while I tried to comprehend any possible reasoning for his decision. Lin must've noticed my distress because he chuckles quietly before speaking.  
"I do and I have. But that's the whole point, y/n. I love doing it. I do it to feel alive, just like you. " His smile stretched, making his eyes crinkle. "But what about the rest of my day? I can't endure the whole day just to feel alive for a few hours. I need to move on and create more, new things. Then I won't miss out on the life I've built for myself. Then I'll be able to create a better one, having gained so much thanks to Hamilton."  
He ran his fingers through his hair, disheveling it completely before he moved to grab my hands in his. His fingers mirrored the patterns I've drawn before.  
My jaw was still dropped, so I only gaped at him, wide eyes, while trying to make sense of his words. Well, he had a point, but his situation was different from mine. He had money to start more projects and I needed to earn it to finish the ones I only started. And while I hated working at the club, it allowed me to continue dance practice once my law classes start in September. It was always supposed to be a temporary situation.  
"And I congratulate you on that, I really do," My voice was pleading as I begged to be understood for once. "But for you, it's another great adventure. For me, New York is the first one. I need to build a strong enough foundation to move on and live my dreams. In the morning I'll have to go to the office so that I can one day be the one in charge of a law firm. And I'll have to show up at the club on Friday again to I can feel like myself at least during those short hours in the dance studio. Is this so hard to understand?"  
Even talking about getting up in the morning, so in about three hours presumably, made my entire body scream in pain. I quickly realized that even mentioning it was a great mistake when Lin's hands dropped from mine and his back straightened. Right, we've been talking about me overworking myself and I've just proven him right.  
"Over my dead body," his voice was deadly serious, more a growl than a whisper. "Will you go to the office tomorrow. You should be already in the hospital and if you weren't so stupid stubborn you would've gone."  
I could feel my blood boil, heating up my cheeks and causing my temples to pulsate. Pushing the pain to the side, I crossed my arms across the chest, leaning back on the pillow.   
"And if you weren't so damn deaf you would've heard me saying I didn't have the money to go to the hospital," I barked back, narrowing my eyes at him before drawing my stare away. I knew if it lingered on his angered expression, I would either give in or tell him to piss off. And I wasn't in the mood or condition to fight.  
"I'll call in sick tomorrow and stay in bed, okay?" I didn't intend for my tone to come out so venomous, yet still had to keep myself from adding curse words to my declaration.  
A low grunt reached my ears and I decided to interpret it as a sound of content. My blood cooled down slowly and a sudden wave of exhaustion hit me. I was sure, were I standing, I would've wobbled on me feat. Suppressing a yawn, I turned my head back to Lin to meet his grumpy expression.   
"Lin?" my voice was breathy again, sleepiness tinting it. His eyes shot up to mine quickly, alert of the change of my demeanor. "Will you, please, get me some water with lemon and honey? I think it was dehydration or low blood sugar level that caused me to pass out."  
Or both, I thought but didn't add out-loud as he muttered "of course, querida" and stood up.  
He returned a moment later and held me by my shoulders to steady me while I was drinking. It took me about ten seconds to down the entire glass in one go. Once I was done, he stood up again.   
"Hey-" I grabbed his wrist rapidly, grunting as it caused pain to shot up my spine and into my temples. "Thank you, again, for saying all of this... and for coming to check on me...and I was wondering if you...um... if you want to stay here until the morning, the couch is a pull-out so you can nap there."  
The words merged as I grew more aware of my anxiousness. It was stupid, of course, he will want to go home and get some good rest.   
"You really thought I was gonna leave now? With you still barely conscious?" His expression was one of hurt, but his voice betrayed true amusement. He shook his head in disbelief and made his way out of the room. "I'll get you more water."  
He stayed by my side as I drank one glass after another, my lids getting heavier and heavier each passing second. I was sure he was exhausted as well, but tried to hide it, tilting his head away while suppressing yawns. But he couldn't cover his unfocused stare, so when he got up to get me what felt like the sixth glass of water, I gripped his wrist firmly.  
"Let's go to sleep now," I whispered, though I felt stronger now. Nevertheless, the atmosphere felt too intimate to destroy it with noise.   
He put the glass down, nodding, and bowed to press a kiss to my forehead. A wave of heat spilled over my cheeks and I hoped he wouldn't notice.  
"Good night, y/n," he whispered against my skin. I shivered, a chill running down my spine as I let my eyes close.  
"Good night, Lin. And thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 12 of the torturous slow burn. Hope you can bear it for a bit longer. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter (how was it 4.7k words?! it was so pleasant to write!). Please share your opinion below!


	13. To find a way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slow morning proves to be just the right thing to get y/n and Lin to voice their thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's chapter 13 - a lucky 13 hopefully. Well, enjoy! XOXO

The rest of the night was peaceful, letting me sleep without waking up. In the morning, I called the office to tell them I was sick and stayed in bed, still aware of my body's exhaustion. Having prepared myself for a nasty attitude, I was quite surprised by my boss's kindness when she wished me a quick recovery. She also told me to call her in the evening if I didn't feel well enough to come on Friday so that she could send me to work through email. But talking about Friday made me remember I still had ballet and a shift at the club that day, and there was no way to skip all of it. However, bearing Lin's words in mind, I settled for only going to classes and calling Max to cover for me at the club. This way I, wouldn't be overworking myself again.   
I let myself forgot about the work completely, relaxing in bed until I heard a knock at the door. Since my head still ached and my whole body was sore - due to my falling - I consciously moved my head to the side.   
Lin was leaning on the door-sill, a plate of fresh toasts and cut fruit in hand, a steaming mug in the other. The morning light, creeping through the blinds, made his skin resemble gold and bounced from his hair.  
"How's my patient?" He sat at the side of the bed and put the plate and the mug on the nightstand. "I heard you talking through the phone."  
Rubbing at my eyes to help my vision focus, I adjusted on the bed so I could sit up. I had kicked off my jeans before falling asleep, so I made sure that my legs were covered by the sheets. A blush crept into my cheeks when I remembered unhooking my bra and discarding it. My eyes darted to the floor, hoping it wasn't lying in plain sight, but much to my dismay, it was just on top of my jeans, undoubtedly noticeable.  
Looked back at Lin, but he seemed oblivious to my clothes dumped on the floor, or at least he was pretending to be. His clothes were wrinkled, and hair rumpled from sleeping on the couch. He still looked good, yet I found myself wishing to brush through his hair again, remembering their softness under my fingers.   
"I'm much better. Thank you." I smiled softly. My voice was husky and tinted by remaining sleepiness. "I called in sick, so I have today off. You can be proud."  
He snickered and gave me a round of applause. The claps made my temples thunder with pain, but I disregarded it, focusing solely on the way little crinkles appeared around Lin's eyes once he narrowed them while laughing.   
"Oh, you amaze me!" he sneered, rolling his head.   
Through his cheerful demeanor, I could notice the way his lids heavied in exhaustion. A wave of guilt crashed me abruptly, tying my insides into a tight knot. Of course, I scolded my ignorance, he must be dreaming of going home and finally getting some rest in a proper bed.   
Before I could relieve him of his bedside duty, my stomach let out a loud growl. My face heated in embarrassment and I crossed my arms around my abdomen to muffle any other sounds it may let out. Lin just laughed at my silliness and handed me the plate.   
"Your fridge was completely empty except for expired milk, so I went to the store down the street and got you fresh bread and bananas," he snickered and nudged at me to eat.   
Once I took the first bite, I realized how hungry I actually was. My pace quickened earning me a content grunt from Lin when I didn't moan about not wanting to eat in the morning. I didn't have ballet today, after all, so I didn't have to worry about being bloated for classes.   
"Thank you," I panted in between bites. "for everything, again. And for getting me breakfast. I'll give you the money back now if you hand me my bag."  
I finished the first toast and reached for the mug to wash it down with coffee. Having taken a sip, I was met with a taste of mint tea, and my brows shot up.   
"You seriously didn't think I would give you coffee fist thing in the morning right after you passed out?" he snickered, shooting me a condescending look. Shaking his head in mock hurt, he continued, "And don't worry about the money, I won't take a cent from you. And don't even try to argue."  
I huffed, not able to say a word with another piece of toast in my mouth. Seeing I wasn't going to start a debate, he stood up and made his way to the door.  
"I'll go refreshen myself, don't get up before I return, okay?" He turned back just in time to catch me rolling my eyes. I swallowed hard before answering.  
"First of all, I'm okay now, but have your way, I'm gonna stay here until you get back," I sighed, smoothing down the sheets on my legs. "Second of all, there's one unused toothbrush in a drawer under the sink. Fresh towels are in the cabinet above the washing machine, and your hoodie should be lying on a chair in the living room, I've washed it yesterday."  
He shot me a thumbs up before disappearing in the hallway. The least I could do was to grant him toiletries so he can feel better before returning home.  
Soon I was resting, my stomach full, and sipping on tea while listening to the running shower. A faint hum reached my ears, and after a few seconds, I started recognizing words to a song I've recommended to Lin. I chuckled as my heart soared at the knowledge he actually checked out the songs I've sent him. Of course, my Spotify playlist was full of songs suggested by Lin, and I listened to them any chance I got - under the shower, on my way to work, or when reading work emails.   
When Lin returned to the room, with a towel on his hair and wearing his hoodie, I smiled at him in self-satisfaction. Seeing him all refreshed made me feel dirty and in need of a hot shower. My shirt must've smelled of sweat, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to see my hair in the mirror.   
I shifted in an attempt to get up but was halted by Lin's hands pressing down on my shoulders.   
"Where do you think you're going?" he mused, cocking one brow. He smelled of my lavender and camomile shower gel. I hoped he used my vanilla shampoo and deep repair conditioner, remembering his 3-in-1 shower gel.   
"Um, to take a shower?" I stated the obvious, slipping from under the covers. Lin's eyes wandered to my legs but darted back as soon as he noticed they were bare, a crimson blotch now flooding his cheeks. His jaw clenched when he swallowed hard before nodding and guiding me to my feet. I nodded in appreciation for his help and slowly staggered to the bathroom, his hands lingering on my arms all the way. Thankfully, my vision was stable and sharp, so I wasn't afraid I'd black out again.  
Scorching hot water loosened my tight muscles, relieving them of much of the soreness, but not all of it. Even though I felt fresh and clean, the shadows under my eyes betrayed my eventful night. I leaned above the sink to get a better look at the reflection of my bruise, now more yellow than purple, yet still visible without makeup. Before going into the shower I've noticed that my makeup got removed while I was asleep, so I guessed Lin was to thank for saving my complexion. At least this time he had more supplies than just makeup wipes, I thought, as I left the bathroom, steam surrounding me. Having forgotten to take a change of clothes inside, I had to wrap myself in a cotton robe.   
"Y/n?" Lin's voice reached me from the living room, so I followed it there, my feet leaving wet marks on the floor. He was leaning against the dinner table, a piece of paper in hand. The table was covered with documents, my planner atop of it. Lin's voice was harsh and his expression unyielding, with furrowed brows and set jaw, as he continued, waving the paper. "What's this?"  
I wobbled towards him and snatched the paper away. A spared glance at it exposed it was my weekly schedule he'd found.   
"My schedule? It's quite obvious... how did you even find it?" My attitude turned defensive and I crossed my arms, after putting the schedule inside my planner.  
"It was lying right on top of this pile of documents, I'm not that blind, querida," he shrugged. His hand led me back to face him, so I let my eyes meet his. They weren't judgemental as I'd expected them to be, though he did use that Spanish insult again. Yes, his voice was angered, but his gaze stayed gentle. His tone quieted with each word, as he continued, "What I meant was - why is it so full? You don't have a single free day! The closest ones to being free are Saturdays and Sundays, and still, you have practice on those. And don't get me started on Wednesdays and Fridays... Ballet from 4 to 8, 9 to 5 in the office, 7 to 2 at the club- this is ridiculous!"  
Stopping myself from rolling my eyes, I shrugged slightly, dropping my gaze. I didn't want him to know my exact schedule so he could use it to lecture me about my unhealthy habits.   
Though a part of me knew he was right. Everything he'd said tonight and that night at his place when I told him about my first fainting, was true. I was overworking myself, and my unconscious was aware of that. But I couldn't face this fact or I would simply stop being able to pursue my dreams. I had to bottle it up and keep going.  
A quiet echo in the back of my mind scolded me for ignoring everything he told me. And for having ignored my poor health condition and side effects of working that hard for so long.   
Lin's words returned to me with double the force - "Let me do it with you. [...] Let me help." he had said.   
"Let's do it together," I breathed, already looking for answers in his eyes. I inhaled loudly, letting his smell overcome me. "Let's walk that path, the path after Hamilton, together. And let's find a way to be gentle for ourselves. Together?"  
My tone raised in an octave on the last word shaping it into a question. His hands moved from my arms to my hands, clasping them together, his fingers caressing my knuckles. He raised them to his lips, his warm breath tickling on my skin. I took notice of how soft his lips were, reminding me of rose petals.   
My heart skipped a beat before doubling in pace as I started doubting he would answer. Maybe he didn't mean that at all or changed his mind?  
"Of course," he cut off my train of thought, dropping my hands and instead reaching for my hair. They were still wet from the shower, but he seemed not to care as he tucked them behind my ear. I remembered how hideous I looked with my hair that way but couldn't bring myself to stop him. Instead, I reached to his chest, resting my hands right below his collarbones.  
"No matter how long," he continued, letting his hands wander down my neck and back to my hair, goosebumps rising on my skin where he'd touched it. My heart pounded so hard against my chest, I thought it might burst right out of it and slam straight into Lin's chest. I could feel his heart beating in harmony with mine. His voice was a deep murmur, as he continued, staring right into the very bottom of my soul, "Or how difficult it proves to be, we'll find a way around it. For both of us."  
"And once we're done? Once we find it?" My brows shot up, forehead creasing as I wondered how on Earth did I do to deserve having Lin right here, in my life. The corners of his lips twitched and he took a step closer, connecting our chests.  
"We'll walk the path. Hand in hand," he stated and bowed his head lower, inclining closer to me. Not controlling my movements, I followed suit and tilted my face upwards. Now just inches separated us, our breaths blending together. The whole world narrowed just to the depth of his eyes and the symphony of our heartbeats.  
I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound of my phone ringing, tumbling back. Lin's hands left my hair immediately, his touch still lingering there like a phantom as I whipped around searching for my bag.  
I cursed under my breath, my surroundings returning to my consciousness. Lin hasn't moved an inch away from his place by the table when I returned with my phone in hand. It was Kylie, face timing me, so not wanting to make her wait unnecessarily, I pressed the green button.  
"Hi! Hope I'm not interrupting, but you still haven't- what happened to your face?!" Words shot out of Kylie's mouth at the speed of light before I was able to register her face on the screen. Remembering I was not wearing makeup and my bruise was now visible, I swallowed a curse.   
"Don't yell, it's too early for that," I cringed and sat down at the table, brushing past Lin. He appeared to exit some trance when he flinched slightly. Shaking his head insignificantly, he moved to the kitchen area and put out two mugs, preparing tea. I dropped my gaze back to my phone, to Kylie's impatient expression.  
"I fell during practice a week ago, it will be gone in time for the wedding," I assured her and she simply nodded in response.  
"Speaking of which, you still haven't filled out your plane tickets information, so don't forget to do it this week, okay?" her tone betrayed how stressed the wedding preparation was making her. If the camera quality was better, I would probably be able to see some signs of stress on her skin since she too wasn't wearing makeup. "But that's not the only thing I'm calling you for," she continued, "I wanted to know if it wasn't too late to ask you to be my maid of honor."  
My jaw dropped, leaving my mouth agape. I had to blink a few times to fully comprehend her words.   
I always thought she would ask her best friend to be her maid of honor because there was a whole ocean between us after all. Additionally, she was the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding as well. So I wasn't really expecting her to drop that bomb less than a month prior to the wedding. Though she did inform me about the wedding a month in advance, so maybe I shouldn't be that surprised.  
"I-um, I would be honored," I chocked out, lost for words. "But shouldn't all the things maid of honor is supposed to do be already done? I mean, you have the dress and everything, right?"  
"Yeah, of course, dumbass." she rolled her eyes and I let out a sigh of relief. "But I want you to give a speech and just be there for me in a special way. They also get a bottle of booze in reward. Andrew said it's a tradition in Poland"  
I chuckled at the last statement and nodded my head enthusiastically.  
"You sold it with the last one, I'm in," I laughed. She opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a man - probably Andrew - calling her to oversee the bouquets.  
"I gotta go, can't wait to see you and meet your partner!"  
Once we hung up, I lifted my head to see Lin had returned with tea and was sitting silently, going through his phone. As if sensing my gaze, he raised his brows in question.  
"My sister's getting married next month," I cleared, aware he must've heard the conversation, but not understand most of it. "So I'm going to Europe for her wedding, she got me tickets and everything. Can you imagine she told me only on Saturday?"  
His eyes widened and he put down his phone, I caught a glimpse of his Twitter feed. There was a slight shadow in his eyes and his posture was stiff, his jaw clenched, all of which I blamed on exhaustion induced by the lack of proper sleep. I scolded myself for keeping him here for so long, he had a show to do today, after all.   
"And you're going there alone?" his voice was careful. My brows furrowed at his attitude, but my confusion was quickly replaced by misery when I remembered I still had the partner issue to fix. And since I decided to disregard it completely and not give Jasmine's plan another thought since yesterday, I was stuck.  
"Well, not exactly," I hesitated, grabbing the mug of tea to give myself a chance to search for the right words. "She thinks I'm bringing a partner, a significant other to be precise, and bought me two plane tickets. And I, being a total imbecile and a coward, didn't tell her I was single."  
His shoulders dropped and the shadow disappeared from his eyes at that, replaced by amusement as a wide grin stretched his face. The shaking of the table betrayed he was trying to suppress laughter. When I shot him an accusatory look, he stopped his attempts and cackled loudly instead.  
"It's not funny!" I held up a finger, pouting at him, making him laugh even harder.   
"It is a little," he shot back, panting in between spasms of laughter. "And what will you do?"  
Shrugging my shoulders in answer, I took another sip of tea. He must've bought it in the morning as well since I was sure I only had coffee in the cabinet. I seriously needed to find a way to repay him somehow, I thought before putting the mug down.  
"Jasmine had one idea, but it's so idiotic I don't think it'll ever work." I stood up, heading to the closet to finally get some clothes and get dressed. Even though I was to spend my day at home, I wasn't sure if parading in only a robe was the best idea. I continued, picking a pair of shorts from the silk pajama set and an oversized t-shirt. "She told me to ask somebody to just pretend to be my date, but come on, who would go to Europe for that? That's a bigass favor to ask fo somebody."  
"Well, I would go," Lin's voice was so casual it took me a second to register his meaning. Slamming the closet door, I returned to the diner area, my eyes wide. Lin froze, mug in halfway to his lips. "What? A free trip to Europe? With you as a companion? What's there to not like?"  
I shook my head rapidly, holding up my hands, trying to access the situation.  
"Wait, are you for real right now, or are you just playing?" My voice was so high pitched, I had to clear my throat before resuming. "The thing not to like is having to pretend to date me."  
He simply shrugged again and mumbled, "Shouldn't be a big of a problem."  
Blinking several times, I took a few steps closer to him, now leaning above his sitting place. He tilted his head upwards to face me, a distant smirk threatening to creep onto his lips. I fixed my gaze on them as I breathed out, my voice hesitant.  
"So if I asked you to come to my sister's wedding with me, you would go?"  
Now fully smiling, he nodded. A deadweight lifted from my chest and I had to clasp my hands over my mouth to muffle my squeal. Stomping from feet to feet, I giggled like a madwoman.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I repeated, running my hands through my damp hair. I had to sit down to try to calm myself but failed, my heart still pumping with adrenaline. "Shit, you can't even imagine what it means to me!"  
I lifted my head and locked eyes with Lin's full of joy ones. He seemed to be once again trying to stifle laughter and a hint of mischief tinted his gaze as he lifted one eyebrow.  
"There's something you have to do for me in return, though." His voice was only half-serious, yet still managed to make my heart skip a beat. I motioned for him to continue, fidgeting in my seat. "Well, there's a party going on at your club next weekend, and I really don't want to go there. But I still don't have an excuse to not go. So I need you to come up with one."  
A sigh of relief left my lips before I remembered who's birthday was at our club next weekend.  
"Wait, wait, wait." I held up a finger, noticing Lin's content face. "Is this Jennifer Lopez who we're talking about here? Why wouldn't you want to go?"  
He pinched the bridge of his nose, deep in thought before lifting his head. A different kind of exhaustion showed itself now - not a physical one.  
"It's the day after my last show. And I want to take this day to grieve leaving it so I can move on. I don't want to spend it surrounded by paparazzi." His expression fell, showing desperation, his eyes searched for understanding in mine. I stretched out a hand to grab his arm and gave it a firm squeeze.  
"You've got yourself a deal, sir," I whispered, locking our gazes. His brows shot up, not seeing my meaning. Suppressing a smile, I resumed, "I'll cover for you, provide photo evidence of you being sick, or going to a funeral. I promised we would find a way together, so truly, you don't have to come to Europe with me to get me to help."  
The corners of his mouth lifted as my hands reached to fix a stranded piece of hair that had escaped the towel on his head.  
"It's on Saturday, so you only have a week to come up with something," he threatened, yet his tone was relaxed. I let a smile creep into my lips as an idea came to me.  
"Well, since I'm a genius, I just came up with one," I mused and his brows shot up his forehead at that. Muffling a chuckle I explained, "There is a charity dance festival that day. And I will perform in a play. You can come to see me and say you'd already promised to come before you got the party invitation. There won't be much press there, I promise, it's quite an obscure event. Especially the ballet part of it."  
"I will be an honor to see you dance," he promised, pressing his hand to his chest causing me to snort. Shaking my head, I reached for my tea and took in the moment we were in. It felt right somehow, to seat here with Lin, not worrying about work or money, and slowly recover from my accident.   
And being here with Lin.   
Who had promised to be with me, help me find a way to stay afloat in NYC and chase my dreams, but stay sane and healthy as well. Lin, whom I vowed to help figure out the life after Hamilton. Whom I didn't deserve as he did for me much more than I did for him.  
But I could change that.  
I could, and I would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The burn is getting slower and slower, isn't it? The torture will be hopefully over soon... or will it be?


	14. The honorary Schuler sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n and Lin try to keep true to their promises. But can they truly change their habits?   
> Also, will y/n finally learn what Lin had done to make Jasmine and Phillipa so amused back in the mall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the late update, but the last days were quite busy. But from now on I am officialy a college student majoring in political science!   
> Anyway, here's chapter 14.

On Friday, I only went to practice, then stayed home for the rest of the day alone before Jada and Kirana paid me a visit. I didn't tell either of them what had made me stay home today and yesterday. I just excused myself with having a bad period, so they brought snacks and Advil for my cramps. I still took it to relieve myself of a headache that had been accompanying me since my fainting.   
Yesterday, Lin had to leave in the early afternoon to get ready before heading off to the theatre. Before that, though, we spent a few hours just napping on the couch and eating take-out I'd ordered for us. The least I could do was provide lunch for him in thanks for staying with me.  
In revenge for him reading my schedule, I had him show me his one, just to reveal that it was only half as full as mine. Though still, I grilled him for having nine hours of interviews next Monday and a three-day preparation for Tony's coming up next month after the wedding.  
I chuckled, remembering his explanation of how he couldn't show up at Tony's looking like he'd just rolled out of bed. Hearing me caused Jada to stop telling an anecdote from the hair-saloon and Kirana to whip around to face me.  
"That's not funny! He could've damaged my hair!" Jada looked at me in exasperation. Reprimanding myself for letting my thoughts wander, I put up my hands in a calming motion.   
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something Lin said yesterday," I hoped my tone sounded apologetic though it was still tinted with amusement.  
Kirana and Jada exchanged knowing looks and fist-bumped each other, making Jada's bracelets rattle.  
"If you start talking about how I am in love with him, I will boil your teeth," I threatened before any of them could utter a single word. They again shared a look, this time a confused one before both of them burst out laughing.  
"What kind of a threat is that?" Jada wheezed in between fits of giggles. My eyes wandered to Kirana, who was chuckling silently, her hands pressed against her lips.  
"A serious one," I hissed, leaning back on the pillows, my legs curled up. "But, I have to be honest - he is a complete sweetheart and agreed to go with me to Kylie's wedding."  
"Oh, your sister's getting married? And you didn't tell me?" Kirana scrunched her nose in disapproval. I shot her an apologetic look, shrugging my shoulders. "Anyway, congratulations to her."  
"Yeah, yeah, congrats, but can we talk about it how you're going to that wedding with Lin? How did that happen?" Jada's brows shot up as she reached to open a bag of popcorn. "You didn't tell me you were looking for a plus one."  
There was a tint of hurt in her voice, but I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty. I avoided that detail when telling her about Kylie's invitation on purpose so that I wouldn't get my ass grilled over my non-existent love life.  
"Well, I'm telling you now that I'm going with Lin," I reflected and took a sip of my mint tea. It felt weird not to be drinking coffee for the whole two days, but Lin had made me promise I would take care of myself before he left yesterday. I figured drinking coffee would count as not taking care of myself.  
"But are you going as a couple or as friends, or what?" Kirana inquired, curiosity creeping into her dark stare. I couldn't help but notice the way her black hair and eyes contrasted with the white shirt she was wearing and pink graphic eyeliner. Her style was always intricate it made me wonder if I should ask her for advice regarding the attire choice for the wedding. Still not sure whether to wear a dress or a suit, I delayed going shopping as much as possible.  
"It's kind of complicated," I said in reply to Kirana's question, my fingers fidgeting. Taking a deep inhale, I searched for the right words to describe my deal with Lin. "We're going to pretend we're a couple...um, my sister seemed to think I was in a relationship, and it would be too awkward to try to untangle it now."  
Kirana nodded in understanding and appeared to be content with ending the subject. On the other hand, Jada's reaction to my words betrayed the discussion wasn't over just yet. She shook her head violently, making her braids swing around her face.  
"Hold up, hold up, you're doing the fake dating thing?" her eyes went so wide they seemed on the verge of a falling out of the sockets. Stopping myself from huffing in annoyance, I nodded slowly. My expression was blank as not to encourage her to tease me more.   
"This is going to be interesting," she continued, leaning back on the pillows behind her. She put her legs up on Kirana's lap, earning herself a disapproving from her as she continued, "Do you have a plan, though? You know, a story of how you got together, a set of rules? I've seen it in a movie. You need a list of rules!"  
I remembered how Jasmine mentioned reading it in a book, wondering how did everybody on Earth but me seen a fake-dating plot in media. I really needed to do my homework if I wanted to make this scheme work. 

That's why right after my 9 to 5 in the office on Monday, I texted Lin, asking him to facetime me as soon as possible. I sat down with my laptop at a cafe to kill time before my shift at the nightclub and plan our trip to Europe. My thighs were again sore from Sunday's practice, so I massaged them mindlessly while sipping on the coffee. With our charity performance just a week away, Katrina made sure to call out any imperfection in our movements. She told me that I moved like a seal on rollerskates and Jada that a tank was more graceful than her. We both left the studio with tears of anger and humiliation lining our eyes.

I must've scared Lin with my urging message because when he called me an hour later, the panic was evident on his face.  
"What's happened?" he breathed. He seemed to be seated in a taxi, wearing a dress shirt, his hair done. My guess was that he was returning just returning from those nine hours of interviews.  
"Oh, it's just we have to come up with a storyline for our fake-dating at the wedding and the rules..." I trailed off, seeing his expression change from worried to a full grin spreading over his face, brightening his eyes in with laughter. Not being able to stop it, I smiled right back at him, "What? What's so funny?"  
"You almost caused me a heart attack with your text. Are you aware that I'm getting old and stress is not the healthiest thing for my poor heart?" He clutched his chest in mock hurt, shaking his head in disappointment. Stopping myself from running a hand over my face, I snorted, my smile turning into a mocking smirk.  
"Okay, Old Man Miranda as you see I'm all good. Now, what's the plan? What are we going to tell my family? And what's more important, what are the rules? You know, the hugging, the kissing, stuff like that..."  
His brows furrowed as he sank deep in thought, playfulness lighting up his dark eyes. I had to blink a few times to stop myself from submerging deep into their depths. Slight shadows underneath them betrayed his exhaustion, causing me to instantly regret busying him with my bullshit.  
"When was the last time you had a full-night sleep?" I inquired, pulling him out of thought. A scarlet cloud appeared on his cheeks making me guess he didn't expect me to notice his poor state. "Lin, we've agreed to help each other take care of our bodies and minds, so now this is me telling you you're not doing well. When will you be home?"  
"I'm doing one show tonight, so after 10 P.M. I'll go get a nap in the theatre before the show, so don't worry." He plastered a smile onto his face. His taxi stopped and he had to take a second to pay for it, so I took it as an opportunity to down my coffee. My eyes shot back to the screen as soon as he resumed talking. "Okay, so returning to our dating history, I've got an idea. Let's say we've met at your club a month prior to our actual first encounter. I've been just coming there every other night, talking with you, flirting until we became friends. Then, just like in reality, I went to the club with the cast for a karaoke night and you joined us. Let's just say we went on an actual date the next day and were a couple from then on."  
Taking a moment to digest the story, I sipped on my coffee, thinking of any plot holes. It would be plausible, especially since we already had photo evidence of the karaoke night, going to a library together two days later, and even a photo of me kissing him on a cheek on twitter live. It shouldn't be hard to play it up and say that we were together this entire time. This thought made me want to rethink our whole friendship dynamic and how easily it could be perceived as a romantic one.  
"Sure, sounds good," I agreed, putting the now empty mug down and getting a glimpse at the clock. I should get going if I wanted to be at the club on time and not get a scolding from Mia. Remembering we still had to discuss the rules, I rushed while talking "So as for the rules, I'm okay with anything you're okay with. It's you who's doing me a favor, so I'll let you decide."  
Was I just shaking off the responsibility at Lin, too nervous of making the choice myself? Maybe, but for sure I wasn't going to admit that to myself.   
But every time I thought about the possibility of kissing him, even if it would be just for show, a knot tied in my stomach. Imagining his lips on mine shouldn't be so easy even though I knew how they felt on my hands and forehead, I thought.   
"I, uh, I'm okay with everything you've mentioned," he stammered, darting his eyes away from the camera. He was walking into a building - the theatre, I guessed. His voice turned hoarse as he spoke again. "So hugging, kissing, simple touches, right?"  
"Mhmm, yeah, that should be sufficient to sell the story. Anyway, I have to go, so I'm not late for my shift." I stood up from the table and using one hand, packed my laptop. "Just please, take this nap before the show. And go straight to bed once you're home. You can't live off of no caffeine only."  
"That's a pot calling a kettle black, querida," he snickered, lifting one brow. "Haven't you just left a cafe?"  
"Sorry, I'm losing connection, I'm in a tunnel, bye!" Laughing, I hung up on him, just managing to catch his disapproving look.

Half-past eleven, Pippa and Jasmine came to visit me at the club. By that time I was positively exhausted and wanted nothing more than just lie down and let my legs rest. If I wanted to be able to dance perfectly on Saturday, getting rid of the soreness was a must. A massage or an ice bath should probably be enough to help.  
Both Pippa and Jasmine looked excited to see me and sat down right by the counter so that we could talk. Phillipa's hair was still damp, probably from the post-show shower, both of them weren't wearing any makeup. I wondered how in hell could somebody look so good barefaced. Once I made both of them their drinks, I leaned on the bar, right opposite them.  
"How was the show tonight?" I inquired, for once this night being able to catch a breather. The bar wasn't as full as on Fridays or weekends, but I still haven't been able to catch a break. A spared glance towards the dancefloor assured me that there were at least a hundred people dancing.  
"Each night's getting more and more emotional, I think, especially since I've decided to leave on Friday," Phillipa answered, her smile turning rueful. Jasmine stretched her arm around Pippa's shoulder with a similar expression.   
"Oh, so you're leaving along with Lin? How does it feel?" My voice turned gentle. I wasn't sure whether it would be appropriate to congratulate her, so I settled for letting the corners of my mouth rise.   
"It's surreal, you know, leaving the show I've spent so time on. But it's getting draining to play such an emotional role almost every night." She put her head on Jasmine's. Now they looked like true sisters more than ever. "But I will take on a fresh role for this new show, Amelie, so it's not like I'm leaving theatre altogether."  
"And you, Jazzy? Don't tell me you're leaving Hamilton as well," I teased, reaching for a bottle of water. I was getting hungry, having forgotten to eat before coming to the club. At least, I had lunch at the office, so I should be okay before coming home.   
"Nah, I intend to stay as long as possible," Jasmine's smile turned cocky. "But being a Schuyler sister is for life, Pippa, so don't you think you're ever getting rid of me."  
"Oh, I wouldn't dare dream of it!" Philippa shot back, reaching for her drink. She raised her glass almost spilling the liquor "To the Schuler sisters!"  
Jasmine followed her movement with a giggle, "Pity Renne isn't here... but hey, we've got our honorary Schuler sister!"  
A wave of heat spread over my heart at her words as I raised my water bottle with a smile.  
"To the Schuler sisters!" I laughed before turning to a newcome customer.  
While I was preparing a drink for him, Pippa and Jazzy giggled over something, reminding me of how they'd done the same the other day at the mall. Once the customer left for his table, having tipped me generously, I turned back to the girls.  
"Hey, by the way, you need to finally tell me why you were laughing at Lin the other day." I crossed my arms over the chest, a cocky smirk spreading over my lips. "He was so close to telling me himself what he'd done but got interrupted, so I guess you can tell me now?"  
My voice raised slightly, in the end, forming a question even though that wasn't my intent. Jasmine and Phillipa shared a confused look before facing me again.  
"He wanted to tell you?" Jazzy's brows shot up in disbelief and she took a long sip from her drink.  
"Why in hell would he want to tell you that?" Phillipa breathed in between giggles. "Sorry, it's just that it would be super embarrassing for him to tell you in particular."  
Well, he did have this artificial smile when I'd asked him, so maybe he didn't answer on purpose, I wondered. But then again, why wouldn't he just lie on the spot if this was such a big deal? He promised he would tell me later, after all, saying it was just a long story.  
"Come on, just tell me, you're killing me!" I protested, seeing they weren't about to spill easily.   
They again shared a look, appearing to be communicating without words. Jasmine turned back to me, failing at suppressing chuckles that shook her body.  
"Okay, but don't you dare tell him we told you the truth" She held up her finger, and I put my hand over my heart showing I wouldn't betray her trust. She leaned in closer as if to make sure nobody was eavesdropping on us, even though it would be impossible to hear us due to the loud music.  
I followed her movement, leaning across the counter, a wave of excitement flushing my cheeks.  
"So remember when you went to Hamilton to help me win a bet?" She didn't wait for me to confirm, but I nodded nevertheless. "Lin started panicking backstage right after he spotted you. He started mumbling how he wouldn't be able to perform now, how he was too distracted, all that jazz. Chris had to calm him down before he was able to get back on stage. He wasn't that nervous when he performed in the White House!"  
My jaw dropped while I looked for words of response. Apparently, the story wasn't nearly done, because now Phillipa leaned in closer and picked it up where Jasmine left off.  
"And during intermission, he found Jazzy in our changing room and the threw a hissy fit over how mean of her it was to choose you of all people."  
My mouth opened and closed, again and again, causing me to look like a codfish, probably. I had to physically shake my head to regain focus on my surroundings, finding myself staring blankly at the counter. Glancing up at the girls revealed they barely could hide their self-satisfied smirks.  
My fingers fidgeting, I took a step back and cleared my throat before answering my voice quiet, hardly audible through the loud music.  
"And why exactly was it mean of you to invite me? And what do you mean by 'of all people'?" I raised my voice at the last question, turning defensive. Of course, they would tease me, just like Jada and Kirana. I couldn't catch a break, could I?  
"Isn't it obvious by now?" Jasmine raised her brows, half-smirking, her tone full of disbelief at my apparent stupidity. "He hasn't been able to shut up about you since you went to the library together. And when you agreed to come over for that fort building the other night, he spent the entire week asking people for advice. Daveed had to start locking the door to his changing room because once Lin burst in there, totally panicking over the type of food to prepare for you, just to catch Daveed butt-naked."  
My eyes widened and I thanked gods I wasn't drinking anything at the moment because it would for sure end up spit out on Jasmine's face now. My mind raced, digesting what she'd just told me, as my heart fluttered with an unknown emotion. I didn't know how to feel about it, though I did start regretting asking them in the first place. Nevertheless, I wasn't able to change that now and un-hear what I'd heard.  
"Ummm, what, what has he been saying?" I stuttered, suddenly wanting to sit down. Now sure whether I wanted to hear Jasmine's response, I listened anyway. Though a part of my mind worried about what Lin's been saying. What if it wasn't anything pleasant at all.   
"Oh, no, no, no. We're not exposing him any further" Jasmine snickered and emptied her glass. Moving to prepare her another drink, I shot her an exasperated look. She smiled before resuming. "What? We've told you too much already."  
I turned my eyes to Phillipa who, seeing my disbelief, chuckled quietly and shook her head. I huffed, displeased, and reached for a glass of vodka to add to Jasmine's drink, before pointing my finger at them in accusation.  
"You are the worst, you two!" My voice failed at sounding intimidating, so I had to reach for real threats. "Well, if you don't tell me, I'll have to ask him, so he'll know you've spilled his secrets."  
"Then ask him," Phillipa giggled, alcohol's effects visible on her face due to big red spots on her cheeks. "Unless you're too much of a coward for that."  
I knew she was playing with me, probably using some reverse-psychology technique, but I couldn't help but turn defensive. Having given Jasmine her another drink, I crossed my arms.  
"Yeah? We'll see," I huffed, taking now empty Phillipa's glass and pouring her a second portion. She nodded at me in appreciation, accepting the glass.   
"Oh, I hope so," they said in unison, making me lose my temper at the unrehearsed conjunction of their responses. They, too, burst out laughing, and soon we forgot the subject and didn't pick it up for the rest of the night.

Since Jasmine and Phillipa had to get going shortly past midnight, I spent the rest of the night mindlessly pouring drinks. I had to fight off both my exhaustion and drunk guests who tried to hit on me. With the prior, I could cope by rubbing my eyes from time to time, but the latter proved to be more draining. After one, particularly drunk, guy tried to reach me from across the counter, I decided I've had enough and send out a tweet to vent without being unprofessional. If I gave myself permission to react to a customer's face, I would simply start punching guys like that. So instead, I opted for typing:  
@y/n: Some guy just tried to touch my neck, saying it looked perfect for kissing. Have I just met a vampire?  
Not wanting to waste an occasion to relax for a second, even though I was just half an hour away from the end of my shift, I scrolled through my feed. Amongst the usual tweets, there were some from Lin talking about his interviews. Scrolling down further, I halted to read a rather intriguing one, making my brows furrow. It was from yesterday and said:  
@Lin_Manuel: CODE RED! I need a supply of new pick up lines! SEND HELP!  
Biting down a smile, I scrolled through the answers, getting some quite original flirting ideas. Wondering what he needed those lines for, I decided to submit an idea of my own, so I typed out:  
@Y/n: @Lin_Manuel You remind me of my big toe, cause I'm eventually gonna bang you on a table.  
Shoving my phone back into my bag, I turned back to the register with newfound energy. 

My vision blurred as my lids heavied when I entered my apartment. It wasn't as bad as the last time I returned here exhausted. Still, I had some trouble when taking off shoes, so I opted for going straight to bed, instead of showering and eating first.  
I quickly changed out of my clothes and threw myself on the bed before remembering to call Lin per his request. Having to get my phone from the bag, I stumbled to retrieve it, my eyes half-closed. Once I got it, I dialed Lin, getting back in bed. He picked up after three signals, betraying he'd listened to me and was actually asleep.  
"Halo?" his voice was husky and laced with sleep.  
"It's me, calling to tell you I'm back home," I whispered, not wanting to wake him further. "Now go back to sleep, goodnight."  
"Goodnight, y/n," he hummed, exhaling loudly. A shift of his covers could be heard from his side of the line along with another murmur from him, but it was too inaudible for me to understand. Having hung up, I closed my eyes fully and dozed off immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? I know there was less Lin in this one, but it's just to build up your hunger for chaper 15!


	15. The two lone souls - and a sea of stars.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n prepares for her performance at the charity festival while Lin his to struggle with the fact he's to abandon Hamilton once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Welcome to chapter 15! I hope you'll like it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Btw. It's 10 past midnight in my time zone, meaning IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!

The next few days were filled with work. Even though I asked Leah and Max to cover for me on Tuesday and Wednesday, I still returned home too exhausted to do anything. I would just take a shower and pass out in bed. 

Katrina was killing us at practice, fixed on making our performance perfect. Of course, she didn't spare us from unnecessary unpleasantries, and every chance she got, she pointed out our flaws. The worst I've heard from her was on Thursday evening. I showed up with Jada to the studio per Katrina's request for an additional fitting. Being in a rush, I came wearing my clothes from the office, a half-eaten bagel in hand, which Katrina made me throw away immediately. She said she wanted our costumes to be impeccable, especially since we were to play sisters. Seeing me in my costume, a mass of purple tulle and feathers, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Only someone as ungraceful as you could make this dress look bad. Stop slouching! How many times do I have to tell you?" Her tone was superior

as she grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled to straighten my back. I could feel a wave of heat spill over my cheeks and a knot forming in my stomach. But knowing it wouldn't be of any good to talk back, I bit down my tongue to stop myself from cursing.

Jada's arrival in her pink costume spared me from other comments with Katrina's focus shifting to her. Thankfully, she didn't find any flaw in Jada to discuss, so we quickly got out of costumes and left.

"She's a total bitch," I grumbled once we were outside the studio, the sun slowly lowering on the sky. I still had to stretch tonight and massage my sore legs so that I could perform perfectly on Saturday. "I swear to gods, if she dared comment anything about you, I would've punched her."

Jada snorted, brushing past some tourists as we made our way to the subway station. A curse escaped me when somebody bumped into my shoulder, reminding me of Katrina's touch.

"I think she just wants the performance to go well," Jada shrugged as we descended on the escalator. Her expression betrayed she didn't actually believe her own words. But she had a point, though. Even with how rude Katrina could be, she was one of the best ballet teachers in the city. And maybe without her comments, we would never achieve anything, not being able to spot our defects? I was so deep in thought Jada had to snap her fingers in front of my eyes to bring me back to reality.

"I was just saying bye, my train's here," she laughed at my confused expression as my brows shot up. I quickly hugged her for goodbye and waved her off so she wouldn't miss her train.

Back in my apartment, I sat down on the floor to stretch my muscles, a playlist with Lin's music recommendations playing in the background. I was too sick of listening to ballet music to listen to anything classical. Letting my thoughts wander, I stretched my back and legs, focusing on the calves. Once I finished, I massaged them, rubbing a generous amount of tiger balm onto my skin. Satisfied with the way my muscles relaxed slowly, I reached for my phone and scrolled through the notifications. There were many from Twitter, but one informing me about Lin's response to my tweet caught my attention. It was a reply to the pickup line I submitted under his tweet and it said:

@Lin_Manuel: @y/n this is possibly the worst pickup line I've ever seen... seriously, I thought you would have mad game skills!

A smirk growing onto my cheeks, I scrolled through other replies to my tweet.

@abc: @y/n Ma'am this is a KFC

@JasCephasJones: @y/n just please sanitize the table afterward

@daveeddiggss: @y/n you kids are DISGUSTING

Having stood up from the floor, I went to the kitchen to get myself some water and typed out a reply to Lin:

@y/n: @Lin_Manuel I HAVE mad game, sir - it's just you who wouldn't know a good pickup line if it hit you in the face.

Seeing it was getting late and I had the last rehearsal in the morning, I put my phone away and headed to the bathroom.

Jada and I left the classroom panting heavily, sweat covering our foreheads. Today we finally got through our duet without earning any mean comments from Katrina. She only told us to keep it up tomorrow at the festival, and we should be good. So before heading to the showers, I shared a fistbump with Jada, both of us beaming with pride.

I let the hot stream relax my muscles and wash away the sweat. With my bruise almost gone, being just a shadow of yellow tint above my brow, I could show up to practice barefaced. Still, after leaving the showers, I put on light makeup to make me more confident. I also put on my outfit for office - a dress shirt and a plaid skirt inspired by Cher's clothes in Clueless.

Since I still had to show up in the office today, having hugged Jada goodbye, I made my way down the street. I rushed past the tourists and native New Yorkers and picked up an energy drink and a protein bar to boost my energy before work. Remembering, I looked like Cher, I snapped a quick photo and sent it to Lin, attaching it to a message:

Good morning! Guess who's my inspiration for today.

I put my phone back into my bag before entering the subway wagon. As usual, it smelled of sweat and piss, but having lived in New York for some time now, I got used to it. Letting my eyes close, I rested my head against a pole, thinking about how my life has changed since I moved. How I found one of the best ballet schools and was now to perform for charity. How I found an amazing best friend to experience it with me. How I was just almost a month away from starting my law classes and getting to finish my degree in a few months. How I met Jasmine, Phillipa, Renee, and became the honorary Schuler sister. And how I met Lin, in whom I found guidance and security. 

Nevertheless, whenever I thought of him and our promise, I felt my heart skip a beat as if it got electrocuted, a thunder rolling through my veins. It reminded me of when you're on a rollercoaster, your cart climbing closer to the tip, and you know there's no way to turn back, the fall inevitable.

I couldn't help but wonder when it will pass - when the fall will occur, and I'll be dependent on anybody to catch me before I crushed against the ground.

My thoughts were cut short by a notification on my phone, the sound muffled by my bag. I reached to fish out my phone, leaning heavily on a pole desperate for balance as I read the text from Lin. It said:

Good morning, Miss Clueless! Already done with rehearsals? 

I replied, informing him that I was indeed done and now heading to work. In hopes of not worrying him about me overworking myself again, I attempted to change the subject, adding:

And how's your last day at the theatre going? Do you need help with anything?

A response arrived once I got inside the office building, so trying to be sneaky, I read it in the elevator. My attempts turned out to be unsuccessful since I was joined there by the jerk from the second floor. Not sparing him a glance, I focused on Lin's message:

I'm not there yet, but we're all arriving earlier today to have a moment to celebrate. I don't know whether you know, but Phillipa, Leslie, and Ariana leave after tonight as well, so it's kind of a big deal. I don't need anything now... well, maybe besides an extra-large package of tissues. I'm starting to panic and don't know what to do.

He added a selfie, his hair damp from the shower, eyes wide in exaggerated fear. I bit down a smile, taking in his face. A hint of regret hit me when I realized I would never see him perform as Hamilton again - though I was still lucky enough to have seen him once. Nevertheless, it felt wrong not to be at the theatre now, even though - if Jasmine's and Phillipa's words were to be believed - my presence would disturb him further. Not wanting to submerge myself in thoughts about a possible reason for this phenomenon, I rushed to type out a reply:

First of all, take a deep breath. You've got it. You've been doing the show for a year now, so you know you can do it one night more. I understand it's not a typical performance, but you're capable of tremendous things - and being Hamilton one last time is within your abilities. You're inimitable in what you do - and each night you prove that. It may feel impossible at the moment. It may feel like you won't be able to do it. And it may feel simpler to just disappear under the covers. But if you hide, you won't see what's out there. And there's so much to see in the world infinity may not be enough to experience it all - So let's begin tonight. 

I hit send and shot my head up just to bump it against jerk's chin. Whipping around quickly, I met his irritated face as he massaged his jaw.

"Ugh, you hit me in the face, bitch," he grunted, towering against me. My heart pumped faster, panic rising in me. Suddenly the elevator seemed to be frozen in time. I begged for the doors to open soon, my breath quickening as the walls closed around me.

"Um, sorry, I didn't know you were..." I trailed off, my voice weak before I realized something. My blood boiled as I crossed my arms across the chest, "Excuse me, but what were you exactly doing so close behind me? Were you reading across my shoulder?!"

A shadow darkened his gaze, reminding me of storm clouds. I couldn't help but recoil as he leaned above me, his breath tickling my face.

"And why would I be interested in your texts, bitch? You're not that important," he growled as I took a step back. Cocking my chin, I tried to regain a confident posture.

"And how did you know I was texting? Hmm?" I raised my brows, forcing my voice to be casual. It must've worked because his brows furrowed as he realized his mistake. When he opened his mouth to respond, I rolled my eyes before turning around to face the door and continued. "That's what I thought."

Thankfully, the door opened at that moment, so I was spared from witnessing his response. Blood still hot in my veins, I rushed to my boss's office to get me started on work and free my mind of this jerk. I didn't even know his name, and I was sure he didn't know mine since he always referred to me as bitch, so it was beyond me how he could antagonize me so. Thinking it better to just ignore it, I let myself drown in work.

Since I asked Max and Leah to cover for me tonight so that I could rest properly before the festival, I found myself with an unusual amount of free time. Once I left the office, I made my way to the subway station, scrolling through my phone. There was an unread text from Lin, so I opened it, hoping I could reply before he got on stage. He said:

How did you find just the right words? I can't even try to remotely describe what your message stirred inside me. Come to the theater, please, if it's not a problem. I'll wait for you at the backdoor if you want to come.

Having pushed through the wave of tourists, I moved over to the side of the sidewalk. I leaned on the wall of some tattoo shop and re-read Lin's text. Fidgeting in place, I let my mind race to form a plan. Of course, I would come to the theater if he wanted me there. But, I was not dressed properly for the occasion, considering it was Lin's (and Pippa's!) big night. Even though I loved my Cher outfit, I would feel underdressed in it. Seeing that I was just a street away from Jada's apartment, I texted her:

S.O.S! Do you have a fancy dress you could lend me tonight? I'm near your place, so I can swing by in less than five minutes.

I hit send and returned to Lin's message. In wait for Jada's response, I typed out a reply to him, letting him know I would be there in less than half an hour. 

Still waiting on Jada, I managed to get to a liqueur store and buy a bottle of fancy whiskey for Lin, remembering it was his drink of choice whenever he showed up at the club. For Phillipa, I got a bottle of cream liqueur that we used at the club for the drink she usually had. Not knowing what Ariana and Leslie would find the most pleasing, I got a set of five mini bottles of different Absolut flavors for each of them. Having left the store, bags heavying me in hands, I checked my phone for a text from Jada. I sighed in relief to see a notification. She said:

I'm at Silvia's now, but Kirana's home so she can help you. And spill - what's the occasion.

Biting down a condescending smile, I rushed down the street to their apartment, typing out a reply:

Thanks! I'm going to the theatre. Text Kirana to let her know I'll be there in a minute, okay?

I put my phone in my bag, having almost crushed into an old lady while staring at the screen. Even though I knew Jada would request more information on why I was going to the theatre so suddenly, I couldn't bring myself to care for it. All I cared about now was getting to the theatre as soon as possible and being there for Lin. 

Thankfully, Kirana has already been waiting by the door for me with five different clothing options in hand.

"Personally, I would suggest this one." She offered me a hanger with a golden-bronze, silk gown on it. There was an excited smile creeping onto her lips, though it could be from amusement at my hurried state. "It will bring out the tone of your skin."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I squealed, snatching the dress from her, and ran to the bathroom to change. Closing the door behind me, I heard Kirana's giggle.

Not wasting a second, I got into the dress and checked myself out in the full-length mirror. Kirana was right - the gown was just perfect, hugging my hips and breasts, enhancing my waist. I also loved the fact that it was knee-length with a slit for my leg. Having taken a step closer, I could admire the way it intensified the color of my eyes.

"You look astonishing," Kirana mused from behind me, her voice a calming balm to my nerves. I haven't noticed how giddy I was, my knees trembling, making the silk of the dress appear like a waterfall of gold. I turned back to face her and noticed a bag of makeup in her hands.

"I figured you might've wanted to fix your makeup and hair before leaving." She smiled gently, and I returned the gesture, accepting the bag.

"Have I told you you are a gem?" I chuckled, facing the mirror now and applying nude lipstick. Kirana only giggled again and left on my own, having first wished me a fun evening. 

Having applied some golden highlighter and made sure the dress matched the bronze heeled sandals, I rushed out of the building and made my way to the theatre. My heart beating in double the force and speed. I was sure if it could, it would jump out of my chest at the sight of the back door of the Richard Rodgers Theatre.

There were some people there already, gathered in a crowd of posters and phones. I guessed they were hoping to get a photo with the cast before the show, though usually, it was after the show when the actors met with fans.

Most of the people were dressed equally as fancy as me, so I thanked myself for changing from my work attire. Not wanting to push through the crowd and appear to be rude, I stood by the side and pulled out my phone to text Lin I was there. I fidgeted in place, clasping my hands around my phone to stop them from shaking, in wait for him. After another minute, the backdoor opened, and Lin's head poked out through the gap. There was a deafening wave of screaming and applause from the crowd, making my temples pierce with pain. Stretching my neck as far as I could, I raised my hand and waved to get Lin's attention.

"Hello, hello, hello, everybody! It's good to see you!" He grinned at the crowd, but his eyes were searching. He took a step outside, keeping the door half-open. His voice was laced with excitement as he continued. "I'll see you all after the show for photos, okay?"

Some people closest glanced me over, probably recognizing me from Lin's social media, as I stretched my arm further. Deciding it was for nothing, I made my way closer to the crowd and apologized my way through it. 

Once I reached the front, I caught Lin's gaze and strutted to him, my heels clicking on the pavement. He was signing some girl's poster and listening to her praises. A smile stretched my lips at the sight of him getting the recognition he deserved, especially on his last day, so I remained a step away. Once he was done talking to the girl, he turned to me, his eyes shining like a night sky full of stars. Having said goodbye to the fans and promised them he would come back for photos after the show, he guided me inside. 

Once the doors closed behind us, he stopped in the middle of the hallway and faced me. His eyes wandered down my silhouette, taking in my attire. A wave of heat crept onto my cheeks as my heart skipped a beat. He wasn't as dressed up as me but still looked elegant, with a blue dress shirt and jeans. I figured he still had some time to start preparing for the show.

When his eyes traveled to my face again, his breath hitched. I tilted my head in response, popping my hip to the side, in an attempt to feign confidence.

"See something you like?" I raised one eyebrow, causing him to focus again as he blinked a few times. One corner of his mouth raised as he cocked his chin.

"I'm always glad to see you," he sighed as our eyes met. Behind the excitement and teasing, I could sense his nervousness. His voice trembled a bit as he continued. "The atmosphere's a bit hasty backstage... or maybe it's just my perception? I still can't imagine going out there tonight for the last time."

His muscles tensed as he trailed off. Even his breath was quickened, so one could only imagine how his heart must've been racing. I reached to grab his trembling hands and trapped them in mine, clutching them above my heart.

"Hey, it's okay," I breathed out, steading my heartbeat. Lin's eyes shot up from our joined hands and met mine. "Feel my breathing and follow it, alright? I'm going to be here through it all."

We stood there in silence, the surrounding noise fading away, as Lin's breath steadied.

"There," I whispered, letting go of his hand. The heat of it lingered on my fingers.

"Thank you," he sighed, his voice calmer now. Realizing how close we stood, I took a step back, masking awkwardness with a smile.

"Come on, let's find a place to seat, those heels are killing me!"

A chuckle escaped his lips before he moved to guide me through the labyrinth of doors and hallways. 

When we reached his dressing room, we were met with the sight of Phillipa sitting on the couch. Having spotted us, she rose to her feet and stretched her arms to embrace me in a hug, then did the same with Lin. She was wearing a pink lace dress but wasn't wearing makeup, ready to apply it for the show.

"Hi, good to see you. How are you feeling?" I asked, moving with her to sit on the couch as Lin sat by the makeup table. Putting down my bags, I glanced at the clock on the wall to check how much time we had before the show. It was nearing six, so there was still an hour more left. 

"Oh, don't ask unless you have a bag of tissues ready," she laughed, a rueful smile lifting the corners of her lips, but not reaching the eyes. "I still can't believe it will be over in a few hours."

I let my eyes scan the dressing room, taking in the details I missed the last time I was here. There was a shelf of old books, many photos and drawings on the walls, and a pile of mail.

"Will you be doing a double show tonight?" I inquired, shifting on the couch and catching Lin's glance. They both shook their heads.

"We all agreed we wouldn't be able to go through that twice tonight, so we passed it to our understudies," Lin explained, running a hand through his hair and putting them up in a ponytail. A grin broke onto his mouth. "And I can't wait to get rid of these."

Not fully understanding, I had to take a moment to grasp his meaning. And once I did, a strangled gasp escaped from between my lips, startling 

Pippa. I shot her an apologetic look before darting from my seat.

"Don't you dare touch your hair!" I pointed an accusatory finger at Lin, my voice rising in pitch, earning a half-concerned and half-amused look from him. "I mean? It's so long, won't you miss it?"

"Umm," Phillipa grunted from behind me, pulling me to sit down. She stifled a laugh at my shocked expression. "Why is it such a big deal?"

To be honest with myself, I didn't know why I reacted so abruptly. Crimson spilled over my cheeks as I comprehended how rude I must've appeared, commenting Lin's decisions. I dropped my gaze and inhaled deeply.

"Sorry, it's just that, I, um," Stammered, I lifted my eyes again to meet Lin's eyes, his brows furrowed in confusion. He motioned for me to continue. "Well, I just really like your hair."

A muffled giggle escaped Phillipa, and I had to fight myself not to slap her on the arm to shut her up. By now, I was sure my face must've been beetroot-red, probably along with my ears. 

"Oh, um, thank you." Lin's tone was unsure, and pink splotches decorated his cheeks. He pulled his hair down, mindlessly playing with them, the movement making them shine in the led lights. "They're just difficult to upkeep."

Remembering he used a 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and shower gel, I bit down a chuckle. I wondered how in hell his hair managed to still look soft with that kind of neglect.

"Well, I'll leave you to it, I still have to take a shower before the show," Phillipa said, having cleared her throat, and moved to leave the room. She stopped by the door and turned back to face us. "By the way, Leslie said to invite you to barbeque on Sunday on 12, Lin. I'm sure y/n's invited as well."

She closed the door behind her, leaving Lin and me in alone silence, which was cut short by the speakers announcing the show will start in exactly an hour. Lin rose to his feet, his eyes empty, and moved to the mini-fridge. He took out a bottle of water, his hands trembling so hard I was sure he would spill the water all over his shirt.

Not being able to sit aimlessly anymore, I rushed to his side and took his empty hand in mine. 

"Hey, remember what I told you in though the text today?" I smiled shyly, keeping our eyes locked together. He nodded, but I continued not minding it. "You are a force of nature, Lin. Unstoppable and unmatched in what you do. You brought Hamilton to the stage, transforming the musical theatre as we know it, but it's time to let it go. What you've done is extraordinary, so I'm sure whatever you do next will be unique. Because you are unique. Because you..."

I trailed off, seeing a single tear rolling down his cheek. My breath hitched at the sight of it, and my voice was strangled when I resumed.

"You are art, Lin. Everything you do is a masterpiece, but you must let one thing go and grow on its own before you pick something else up," I whispered, wiping away the tear. His breath tickled my face when I leaned closer to brush away a strand of his hair, relishing their softness. "So you'll come on that stage tonight and give your last big performance. It doesn't have to be the best one in Broadway history. It just has to come straight from your heart, and it will be enough to make it remarkable."

His eyes never left mine, even when another tear escaped them. I let my fingers wipe it away, my touch feather-like. He put down the water bottle and took the other hand in his. Now we stood there, holding hands, and communicating through eyes. I hoped mine said: "I will always be here for you. Even when the world becomes a whisper, forgotten in the timelessness of the universe, I will be here to wipe the tears away."

And when I gazed into his eyes, the impact of it threatened to sweep me away into the sweet darkness of his gaze. And at that moment, I felt as if we were the only two souls in the galaxy. As if the stars and the moon were made just for the two of us. All of it bottled into his eyes. And I drowned, and drowned, and drowned.  
And there was no end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, hope you enjoyed it! XOXO Also, I changed spacing between paragraphs in this one, I don't know whether it's better like this or if iIshould stick to the prevoius format - please, leave a comment with your opinion.


	16. The lightning and thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin's last night as Hamilton continues while y/n needs to figure out her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes! I spent the last week partying, so I'm so sorry about the late update. Though I had to rewrite this chapter twice before it was satisfactory, I hope you'll enjoy it! XOXO

We pulled away from each other as the forty-five-minute call rang through the speakers. It felt as if I was dragged from another dimension when I let go of his hands. My fingers got too cold, even though the heat should linger in my palms. 

"Shouldn't you start getting ready?" My voice was hoarse, still thick from emotion. He blinked a few times, appearing like he, too, needed a moment to come back to reality. 

"I usually don't even start preparing until the half-hour call," he breathed, his voice husky. My brows shot up when I compared his response to my usual ritual of getting ready an hour before the show. Though for sure, my makeup and hair routine must be different from his, I still couldn't comprehend how he managed to do it in such a short time. Seeing my surprise, he let his lips quiver as they formed a small smile.   
"Well, I had a year to perfect the art of getting on stage just in time," he snickered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Though Leslie's the ultimate master of getting ready last minute. And by last minute, I mean, literally, the last minute or two."

He broke into a laugh seeing my eyes widen more. Shooting him a glare from under creased brows, I pouted to stop my lips from curving upwards.

"Well, not everybody wakes up looking all perfect," I cocked my chin and continued, motioning at my face and the dress. "Some people need some time to look satisfactory."

"And who would those people be? Because you are way more than satisfactory." He gave me a once-over as if pointing out the obvious.  
"Come on. I'm gonna need an inhaler cause you took my breath away."  
I snorted loudly before doubling over in laughter, clenching my stomach. My voice echoed in the room, so I was sure it could be heard from the hallway.

"You dare tell me I don't have game and then pull up with that line?" My speech strained, as fits of giggles interrupted me. I took a step back, fanning myself, desperate to catch a breath as tears welled up in my eyes. "This is what you got from twitter?"

His arms crossed on his chest as he shot me a mockingly hurt look before moving to the fridge and taking out another bottle of water. Suppressing a smile, he passed me the bottle. Since my giggles were overtaking my entire body, I couldn't utter a word, so I just nodded in gratification. Having inhaled deeply, I sat down back on the couch and finally was able to take a sip.

"Was it really that bad?" Lin's voice betrayed that he, too, was on the verge of laughter. I shot him a look of disbelief, raising my brows so high I was sure they could touch my hairline. "Forget I asked."

"At least now we're even-" I motioned at his hair. "embarrassment wise."  
He mindlessly stroked his hair, disheveling it in the process. I averted my gaze to my fingers, so I wouldn't beg him to let his hair grow in peace.  
The silence was cut off by my phone's notification going off, startling me. As I searched through my bag, Lin sat down at the makeup table and sipped on his water. Finally, fishing out my phone, I saw a notification about a text from Jasmine. The text said:

I can hear you from down the hallway. Can I come in to say hi, or would I be interrupting something?

I couldn't stop the groan of irritation from escaping my mouth as I cursed at Jasmine for joining on teasing me. Still, her suggestion reminded me of what she and Phillipa revealed about at the club - about Lin walking on naked Daveed. I swallowed a giggle but couldn't help but grin in mischief as I lifted my gaze to Lin. 

"What?" His forehead creased in confusion at my changed demeanor. Biting down a growing smirk, I leaned on the pillows behind me.  
"Nothing. It's just Jasmine said something funny." I shook my head slightly. "She's also asked if she can come here. Do you mind?"

His muscles relaxing, he leaned back in his chair and motioned shot me a thumbs-up. Having gotten a green light, I texted Jasmine to come over.  
Not even ten seconds later, there was a knock at the door, and Lin called out for her to come in.

"Hmmm, seems like somebody knows to knock before entering," I couldn't help but comment. Not wasting a second, Jasmine sat beside me, sprawling herself across the couch. She was wearing a silk robe, her hair up in her Peggy hairstyle. I wondered if everybody here got ready so late. 

At my remark, Lin's brows furrowed further as he probably tried to guess whether I knew about the Daveed incident. Jasmine shot me a playful smirk before leaning in to hug me. 

"You look like a million dollars." She motioned in my general direction before turning to face Lin. "Phillipa asked me to tell you that Leslie said you're getting drinks in his dressing room after the show."

"Sure," he shrugged. "Y/n, do you wanna come with us?"

Hesitating, I let myself weigh the pros and cons. Since I had my performance the next day, I shouldn't be drinking at all. And getting wasted was completely out of the question. Still, it wouldn't hurt to have one celebratory drink. I let my lips curve into a smile as I motioned to the gift bags I'd brought.

"Good thing I brought booze, then." I put my finger up as Lin moved to check the inside of one of the bags. "Uh, uh, it's for after the show. And not all of it is for you, sir."

Jasmine giggled at the sight of his pout, her laugh reminding me of chiming bells.

"Anyway, I should go put on makeup, but just wanted to say hello," she cleared her throat and moved to get up from the couch. First, though, she pressed a kiss to my cheek. "See you after the show."

"Break a leg!" I called after her when she got through the door. 

Before silence could fall, there was another call through the speakers, announcing it was now half an hour left to the show. Sighing, Lin made his way to a clothing rack.

"It's time," he murmured, a tint of sadness tinting his tone. All the lightness from the teasing and laughing disappeared, replaced by the importance of the night. It lingered in the air, making it difficult to breathe. And if it was challenging for me, I wondered how it must've felt to Lin.   
Slowly, I rose to my feet and made my way to him. Not hearing my steps, which was impressive since I was still in heels, he jumped slightly at my touch on his arm.

"Come on, sit with me for a second," I whispered, my voice gentle, and guided him to the couch. His eyes wandered to where I put my other hand on his wrist. "Look at me."

As our gazes met, once again that night, we were alone in the world. The led lights reflected in his eyes, creating an ocean of stars in them.   
"You've got this" I willed my tone to be stronger now. "Breathe. In and out, just like that, perfect."

His eyes were focused as he followed my instructions, making me guess he was finally getting to the point in which he believed my affirmations. I let a smile stretch my features as I let go of his arm to run my fingers through his hair.

"Well, I will miss the hair," I mused, taking in their softness. "I thought I would have more time to try out different styles on you."

Blinking a few times, he analyzed my words, a grin appearing on his lips. I savored the way it made his eyes shine.

"We have some time still," he pointed out, nudging his chin towards the clock on the wall. "You can try them out now."

Having understood his meaning, I couldn't stop a squeal escape my lips as I bounced on the couch. My excitement made him boom with laughter, causing my heart to soar in my chest as I frantically looked through my bag for the bobby pins. He sat on the floor to make it easier for me to reach his hair.  
"I had to learn how to do all sorts of buns for my performances." I started telling him about all the different styles I had to do for ballet and how the shape of your hair-style could change the way you appeared while dancing.

I could feel Lin relax under my touch as I brushed through his hair. His eyes fluttered close at some point, but I continued to talk in a gentle voice. Hoping it would help him unwind before the show, I tenderly massaged his scalp, shaping the hairstyle.

I managed to get the style done in five minutes so that he would still have time to take it out and prepare for the show. Taking in the sight of him in my hairstyle, I couldn't stop giggles from emerging.

"How bad do I look?" He opened one eye as if he was afraid he would get an unwanted glimpse of the results. Having stood up from the couch, I made my way to the makeup mirror and motioned for him to join me.  
After a moment of delay, he got up and glanced up in the mirror.

"You look like a princess," I mused, a self-satisfied smirk betraying my teasing demeanor. He leaned closer to take a better look at his reflection, his face not betraying any emotion.

"This is probably the most comfortable I've felt with long hair ever," he snorted, cocking his head in different directions to get a full view. He held up his finger when I barely parted my lips. "The hair is still going. I may look like a Puerto Rican princess now, but I'm done with looking like a founding father every day."

I threw my hand up in the air, yielding, and moved back to the couch to fetch my phone. 

"At least let's take a memento photo." I proposed, having already opened the camera. Before he could respond, I added, rolling my eyes. "And yes, you can post it on Twitter if you want, you addict."

He pouted in mocked hurt, making me giggle as I turned the camera on him.

"Hell no, you need to be in the picture too!" He snatched my phone away before I was able to react. Facing it to the mirror, he made sure both of us were in the frame. He smiled, embarrassment showing through it, as he pointed with his thumb at me. Not thinking much, I struck a pose, doing a peace sign, and smiling. Before Lin finished snapping the photos, the smile transformed into a burst of full laughter. 

A glance towards the clock revealed we had twenty minutes before the show. Having taken a step behind Lin, I put my hands on his shoulders and guided him to the chair.

"You need to start getting ready," I began in a soft voice and started taking out his hair of the bun, putting the bobby pins on the counter. "And the last thing we need is for you to be late."

The next twenty minutes were a haze, leaving me breathless, even though I was just sitting back and observing. Many people have gone through the room, bringing in the microphone to put in Lin's hair, checking on his costume, and helping him with his hair and makeup. I had to leave the room for two minutes while he was changing. When I returned, he was wearing only a white undershirt and white tights with socks coming all the way up to his knees. I had to hide my snort at the sight of the skin-tight pants. Thankfully, he was typing something on his phone, so he couldn't see my ears turning a deeper shade. I couldn't help but drop my gaze to the floor so as not to let my eyes wander where they weren't supposed to. 

Not wanting to get in anybody's way, I stayed seated on the couch. I chatted with Lin as he was getting the mic cord taped down his neck, trying to get his mind off of the show. It seemed to have worked because, by the time the ten-minute-call rang through the speakers, he's stopped fidgeting. Instead, he focused on the vocal warm-ups, which I had to stop myself from recording, as he was performing some particularly strange noises.

"Are you laughing at me?" He shot me an accusatory glare through the reflection in his makeup mirror while making some final adjustments to his costume. Pursing my lips to stop the laughter, I stood up and made my way to him.

"I wouldn't dare," I promised, fixing the ruffles under his collar. Letting my hands rest on his shoulders, I spared a glance at the clock. It was almost five minutes before the show, and, sure enough, the five-minute-call rang that very second. "Go, it's time."

"I still have a minute to spare," he breathed, his eyes wandering down from my eyes. A mischievous spark glinted in them as his lips twisted upwards on one side. "Won't I get a good-luck kiss?"

My face burned along with the rest of my body, and my heart skipped a beat before starting racing. On their own accord, my eyes traveled to his lips, taking in their pink hue while I wondered whether they would feel as soft on mine as they appeared. Though he'd kissed me on the forehead and knuckles, I couldn't help but wonder if it would feel the same on my lips.

As if waking up from a dream, I remembered he was still standing before me and waiting. I quirked one brow, as our eyes locked, hoping he wouldn't notice how distressed I, in fact, was.

"Oh, no, sir. I'm wearing lipstick, and I don't intend to leave a stain on your face five minutes before the show." I bit down a smile, drawing his gaze to my lips again. My heartbeat doubled in pace, making me question how that was even possible without causing serious medical issues, as I took a step back, sliding my hands from his shoulders.   
I let my lips form a naughty smile while I continued. "But if you go out there, charm the audience and, most importantly, have fun, I will consider giving you a 'congratulations' peck on a cheek." 

A call for the actors to assume their positions rang through the speakers before Lin could respond. Sparing myself from having to witness his reaction to my words, I pushed him to the door, ushering him to the stage.

"Wait-" he called right as I was about to close the dressing-room door behind him. A gasp left my lips as he took my hands in his a pressed a kiss to both of them. "Thank you. For being here tonight."

My breath quickened as my heart soared in my chest, making a wave of heat spill over my entire body. I had to swallow hard before being able to utter a single word.

"No problem," I panted, my breath hitched when he released my hands. A smile spreading over my face, I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down the hallway. "Now go before you're late! I'll be here all the time, so see you during the intermission, okay? Break a leg!"

Having shot me a grateful look, lightened by the excitement in his eyes, he rushed down the hallway. Not being able to help myself, I giggled, returning to the dressing room, and sighed once the door was closed behind me.   
I glanced around me, taking in the mess that appeared while Lin was getting ready. His clothes were piled on a chair and hair products left open, lying out of order on the counter. Deciding it would be a shame if any of the product spoiled and his clothes wrinkled, I cleaned a bit of this mess. Then, having kicked off my heels, relieving my feet off the unnecessary pain, I took a random book from Lin's shelf and sprawled myself on the couch.

Lin busted through the door, panting, his hands fidgeting, drawing my attention away from the book. I managed to get almost halfway through it, drowning in the fictional world, separated from what was going on stage. And seeing Lin's state, as he took out his hair tie with shaking fingers, I could only imagine the atmosphere on stage. His very entrance here reminded me of a lightning bolt running through the night sky.   
Having put the book down, I propped myself up, straightening my back. 

"So? How's it going?" My voice came out more urging than I intended, making Lin's eyes snap right to mine, appearing as if only now he truly registered my presence. 

Getting out of his coat, he paced around the room as if he was high on sugar. I guessed, it only made sense the adrenaline had kicked in too strong, helping him on stage, but not allowing him to calm down.

"It's electrical," he burst out, stopping mid-step, his hands clawing at something invisible hanging in the air. My brows furrowed, as I tried to understand his state of mind, even though I knew exactly what he'd meant by calling the night electrical. The entire evening felt like those hours before the storm, and now the power of the night was hovering in the air. An echo of a thunderclap.

With my legs wobbly from staying in the same position all that time, I helped myself to my feet and took a few steps towards Lin. Taking in his hands, I exhaled loudly, nudging at him to do the same.

"That's wonderful." I smiled, tilting my chin to the side. Freeing one of my hands, I put a strand of his hair behind his ear, careful not to displace the mic cord. "Now, let's get you ready for act two. Do you need any of my help?"

He didn't need my help with anything, so while he was changing into his second act costume, I got myself a latte from a machine down the hall. Once I returned, he shot a disapproving look at my cup, which I could only respond to by sticking a tongue out.

"Hey, I don't intend to fall asleep and miss the drinks later," I retorted defensively, sitting back down on the couch. Thankfully, I could wake up later tomorrow as we had to show up to warm up at 2 p.m., so I had plenty of time to get some sleep in the morning. 

"Just don't start drinking before I get off stage," Lin teased, putting on his green coat. A five-minute-call rang through the speakers, making me jump, startled. Thankfully, my coffee didn't spill, or it would've ruined the dress. And seriously burned me.

Lin rushed to get his final preparations done, making sure his mic was in place and getting some water. While all of this, I couldn't stop myself from observing him, mesmerized by his passion and excitement. Shaking myself out of this hypnosis-like state, I leaned back on the couch and sipped on my latte, returning to my book.

I hadn't noticed Lin leaving physically, but I put down my book as soon as the electricity vanished from the air. It was the only alert informing me I was now alone. And I felt stripped naked without the storm of Lin's presence. Not sure, whether I would be able to get through another act, I buried my nose in the book, hoping it would dart my attention away.

After about an hour, or maybe more, I wasn't sure, having finished the book, I made my way down the hallway. Drew by the sound of hushed voices and muffled music, I slowly stalked through the maze of corridors, careful so as not to make too much noise.   
Having reached a more crowded hallway, I decided against going further in fear of disrupting the play still going on stage. The melody of Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story reached my ears, causing me to lean back on the wall and listen, my eyes closed.   
After Eliza's famous gasp, there was a second of silence before a thunder of applause shook the building. My eyes shot open, and I took another few steps down the hallway, deafened by the constant cheering of the audience.  
I realized I'd reached the wings near the entrance to the stage. Guessing I probably wasn't allowed that close to the stage, I turned back and took a few steps before hearing the muffled whispers clearer. Almost tripping, I halted immediately.  
"I just don't get what he sees in her. I mean, she's a total gold-digger, being so much younger than him," a female voice snickered, earning a giggle from some man in response. I didn't recognize either of the voices.  
There wasn't enough time for me to start guessing who they were talking about.  
"Yeah, Lin could do so much better. With you, for example. You're way prettier than y/n and you're not a bratty student." His voice betrayed so much resentment I wasn't sure how a person could be so vicious. And they were talking about me. Heat pooled in my stomach as a wave of anger and embarrassment flooded my mind. Clenching my hands into fists, I took two steps towards the source of the voices but halted upon hearing another wave of applause coming from the opposite direction. Meaning, the cast was coming off stage after their final bows.

Thinking it better not to cause any drama on Lin's special day, I turned away from the voices. I made my way through the corridor, trying to find any of the cast. When turning around the corner, I almost clashed against somebody. Staggering back a few steps, I steadied myself on my feet before catching Chris's gaze. He was still in his Washington costume, of course, and a layer of sweat was covering his forehead.   
"I'm so sorry," I breathed, smoothing out the fabric of my dress. A smile broke onto my lips. "It's good to see you. How was the show?"  
"Oh, it was unforgettable." He returned the smile and grabbing my arm gently. "And I'm sorry, too. I was just in a rush to get the good-bye gift for Lin. You're probably looking for him, huh?"  
I nodded, the anger fleeing from me like air from a burst balloon. Chris's eyes lightened up as he guided me down the corridor he'd come from. A boom of laughter and chatter reached me and Chris gave me one final push around the corner.  
"Don't break his heart," he whispered. My head whipped around once I realized what he'd said, but he was already rushing through the corridor. My brows furrowed as I walked towards the sound of laughter, deciding it would be better to let Chris's words go over my head for tonight. I would analyze his meaning later, but now...

"Congratulations!" I squealed, running up to Lin, Phillipa, Leslie, and Ariana, who were standing side by side, surrounded by the rest of the cast and ensemble. Lin's eyes found me first, and I couldn't help but go straight to him, making my way through the crowd. I spotted Jasmine standing near Pippa, giving them both a smile, I turned to Lin and stretched my arms to embrace him. He returned the hug immediately, squeezing so hard I could feel his heart racing. Pulling away, I kept my hands on his shoulders and took in his flushed cheeks and teary eyes. 

They glinted with so much emotion a whole night wasn't enough to match it with starlight. Not knowing whether he would be even able to answer my question, I asked. "How do you feel?"

"Like I just won some kind of a championship, but lost it at the same time?" His tone made it sound more like an inquiry than an explanation, I nodded in satisfaction, all the same, understanding his meaning. OHe was still probably high on adrenaline.

"Let's go, let's go! We need booze!" Daveed boomed, slapping Lin across the back. I snorted loudly, taking a step back.

"I gotta go back to the dressing room to fetch the bottles." My words were aimed at Lin, but it was Daveed who whistled in delight.

"The more, the better! Let's go, guys!" This time he slapped Leslie across the back and dragged him and Ariana through the corridor.

"Wait!" Oak called out before Lin or I could take a step away. He was holding a pair of scissors. "Better do it now than when we're all wasted."

My expression must've turned sour, even though I managed to stifle a groan, because Lin grinned at me, his face mocking.

"Come on. You got your fun," he teased before motioning with his finger at his hair. "Let's do it!"

Lin kept me company, going to the dressing room with me as he said he needed to get changed before starting drinking. He couldn't stay silent or calm, constantly fidgeting and talking about different friends he spotted in the audience. Onc he changed into a white dress shirt and dark jeans, we walked lively though the corridors. His voice carried through the halls in an echo as he rambled about his last introduction in "Alexander Hamilton" and how the crowd went wild. I let him go undisturbed, listening, and observing him carefully for any change in demeanor. He could come down of his high any moment, crashing in the result. 

Still, he remained high for another two hours we spent in Leslie's dressing room with Phillipa, Ariana, Daveed, Jasmine, and Oak, drinking and joking. We were squeezed so tightly together I had to almost climb on Lin's lap. I was so drunk though I didn't care about that. And he even seemed to enjoy it, putting his head on the crook of my neck, burying his face in my hair.

And I couldn't stop staring at his new short hairstyle, shining in the dim light of the room. But I would have to be ten times more drunk to confess I actually liked the new style. It made his jaw look sharper and his eyes more prominent. Overall, it was kind of sexy. Not that I would ever stroke his ego saying that out loud. 

"We should get going," he murmured to my skin, his breath tickling and raising goosebumps on my arms. I spared a glance towards the clock on the wall. It was nearing midnight, the realization not quite hitting me as there weren't any windows in the room to make it more real. Jasmine and Phillipa seemed to be half-asleep, but still were giggling about something in hushed voices. Next, my gaze caught Daveed's drunk stare. It was quite obvious he's been observing me and Lin for some time, a cheeky grin forming on his lips. 

"Yeah, it's quite late," I whispered back as Lin lifted his head. He blinked a few times, probably trying to get rid of the drunk haze. Not wanting to drown in his eyes for hours, I adverted my eyes back at the rest of the group. "Guys, we've gotta get going. Tonight was so much fun, though, so we need to get drunk together soon."  
"Oh, come to the barbeque on Sunday, there's gonna be beer." Leslie's voice slurred a bit, but he was the fullest of energy out of all of us, his eyes wide awake. 

Nodding in gratitude, I climbed to my feet, wobbling a bit. Lin grabbed my arm, stabilizing me, though he could've been stabilizing himself as well.

"And are you going to y/n's place or Lin's?" Daveed shot, his voice betraying naughty undertones. I couldn't stop my cheeks from heating up but hoped it could be brushed off as a reaction to alcohol.

"Not funny, Diggs. We're going to our own places." I crossed my arms across the chest before turning towards the door. We leaned heavily on each other, and I wasn't sure which one of us was actually carrying who. "Goodnight guys!"

A chorus of goodnights answered us, but before the door slammed after us a stifled giggle reached my ears.

"Just use protection!" Oak sounded through the door.


	17. A disturbance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n seeks for some rest before her performance but is disturbed by an unwanted guest. Will Lin be there to bring her serenity again?
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: a threatening situation (there's no violence, but there is a threat of it) - if you choose to skip this chapter, you can message me for a non-graphic summary so that you can read the next chapter without comfusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's chapter 17! Please, note that this chapter was inspired by a situation that happened to me two days ago. Writing about it and adding it to this story is a way for me to cope with it. That being said - check out the TRIGGER WARNING in the chapter's summary.

My dream was interrupted by urgent ringing at my apartment door. I rolled to the other side, hoping whoever that was would leave if I didn't open for some time. But the noise didn't stop, so I got up from the bed and went down the hallway, rubbing my eyes. 

My head hurt slightly from the lack of proper sleep and the alcohol consumed last night. I was sure some coffee and a shower would get rid of the throbbing before my performance tonight. I needed to be on top of my game after all.

Having peeked through the hole, I discovered a young man was standing there, maybe in his twenties. He was blonde and was wearing a red sweatshirt. I wondered whether he was one of the college students living in the area, but didn't recognize him.

Thinking the urgent ringing meant something could be happening in the building, I opened the door slightly so that only my face was visible.

"Yes?" I mumbled, my eyes still half-closed. The guy's eyes widened, though I could see he was just as tired as me. I wondered what time it was.

"Does Paul live here?" The guy inquired, his voice a bit slurred, so I assumed he was either hungover or still drunk. He moved, trying to peek behind me.

"No, there's no Paul here," I answered, keeping the door still only slightly ajar. I cursed the person who rented the apartment previously for not notifying their friends they'd moved. "Goodbye."

"Oh, right. Bye." The guy seemed slightly embarrassed as he took a step back. He appeared a bit smaller once he wasn't so close to the door, though he was still a lot taller than me. My muscles relaxed once I closed the door behind me.

Having returned to bed, I checked the phone to discover it was only half-past seven in the morning. I groaned, cursing the guy for waking me early on the one day when I could and should sleep in.

Before I could close my eyes again, there was another ring of the doorbell. I swore audibly, getting off the bed again. Whoever that was, I needed to get rid of them quickly if I wanted to get some more sleep today.

Guessing he was looking for some specific address where his friend lived, I decided it would be the easiest just to answer the door and help him. 

"Yes?" My voice came out annoyed since I was now awake enough to convey any emotion. 

The guy was leaning on my doorframe, his face way too close for my liking, so I took a step away.

"Aye, can I sleepover at your place? I'm kinda tired, you know." He smiled, his eyes defocusing. 

My jaw dropped to the floor as I struggled to find any words. Was this some kind of a prank, I wondered. There was no way anybody in their right mind would ask that of a stranger.

"No? We don't even know each other." My tone came out not as strong as I wanted. Not knowing how to make the guy go away, I simply waited for him to respond, thinking of ways to get rid of him quickly.

"Yeah, sorry, my phone's dead, and I can't contact my friend," he rambled, running his fingers down his face. My irritation decreased when a tint of pity stung my heart. This guy was clearly lost and in no position to find his friend on his own. Nevertheless, I would never let a stranger, let alone a male, into my apartment.

"Okay, listen. You can call him on my phone, okay?" I tried to sound gentle, but my irritation came back as soon as he leaned closer to me. 

"I don't know his number. Can I borrow a charger, though?" His eyes turned pleading. I sighed deeply, asking the gods for mercy.  
"Okay, I'll give you a charger, you can use a socket in the hallway downstairs. Just a second." I sighed, taking a step back to take a charger from my nightstand in my bedroom. But when I turned back to the door, the guy was inside. 

My heart raced, but I tried to calm myself, not letting panic get the better of me. I'll just give him the charger, and he'll go downstairs, I assured myself.

"Here." I stretched a hand with the charger towards him, trying not to look scared. My fingers trembled slightly.

"Thanks." He smiled, turning back. But he didn't turn to the door as I hoped. He turned towards my living room and made his way there. 

My stomach dropped as my fingers clenched around my phone.   
He's not going to do anything, I convinced myself, again and again, he just needs help and he'll leave in a minute. 

Hesitantly, I made my way to the living room, observing whether the guy was trying to steal anything. He was sitting at the dinner table, his phone charging next to him. 

"I just need to sit for a second," he mumbled under his breath. He was slouched but was still obviously taller than me.

I sat opposite him, closer to the exit, trying to seem relaxed. Even with my back straightened I was nowhere near as tall as him.

"Nice place you've got here. I'd like to live alone as well," he started, a smile breaking to his face.   
I cursed in my mind, realizing it was quite obvious I was alone. There were only female belongings in sight and no one else came out of the bedroom to check what was happening, so of course, he knew I was alone. My stomach dropped at the realization I was completely alone on this. My neighbors must still be asleep, but maybe if I screamed loud enough...No, first I needed to make it seem as if I wasn't that alone after all.

"Yeah, I'm planning to move to my boyfriend's though," I declared casually, fidgeting with my phone. 

An idea struck me, so I quickly unlocked my phone and went to messages. The most recent one was from Lin, wishing me goodnight, even though he'd told me goodnight in the cab when we were returning from the theatre yesterday. I typed rapidly, thankful my phone was on silent, so the guy didn't know what I was doing.

"Oh, a pity. I would've given a lot to be your boyfriend," he laughed, and I faked amusement as well. Even though my body was shaking visibly, I didn't want the guy to know I was uncomfortable. It could make him act faster, and that was the last thing I needed.

I send Lin a message:  
R u awake?  
And another one:  
If I stop texting you, call 911, I'm at home, there's a strange dude here.

Thinking it better to notify more than one person, I texted Kirana and Jada in our group chat:  
You won't believe what's happening. But if I don't call you in fifteen minutes, call the police. 

I looked up, checking if the guy noticed I was texting. But he was trying to unlock his phone. I crossed my arms across my chest, trying to get my breasts out of sight. My pajamas were the same ones I bought with Pippa and Jasmine, so they didn't provide much cover.

"Is your phone charged yet?" I asked, hoping to sound equally as polite as nudging. Even though it was the most uncomfortable I've ever been, I didn't want to seem as distressed as I was. Who knows how he would react?

"No, it's only on ten percent," he whined. I stopped myself from yelling out that ten percent was enough and that he should go. He could be still drunk, and there wasn't really a way of telling how he would react to my anger. Maybe it would make him go away, or maybe he would turn violent. Not willing to gamble the second option, I only nodded along.

"By the way, I'm Rick." The guy stretched out a hand with a friendly smile.  
Hesitantly, I shook it, and stood up, realizing how strong his grip was. If I were to fight this man, I needed a weapon.   
"I'm gonna make myself some tea," I breathed, rushing to the kitchen, my phone still in hand. Rick seemed to notice my rush as his brows went up. He smiled cockily, leaning back on the chair. A shiver went down my spine.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name? We can become friends you know." He shot me a nasty look at which I only faked a smile. I took an electrical kettle from the counter and turned it on. 

Splashing him with boiling water could slow him down in case of an attack. A knife would be of no use to me since in hand-to-hand combat I was clearly on a disadvantage.

I answered, giving him a fake name, thinking it better not to give him any personal information. Maybe it was some stalker who later find me on social media and never leave me alone? I prayed it wasn't the case.

As the water boiled, Rick rambled about a party he was returning from. A party in Brooklyn. I don't know how in hell he got to my apartment building, but that was a long way from Brooklyn. He would stop his story now and then to try to call his friend. But there was no answer. 

Having poured myself a cup of boiling tea, I stole a glance at my phone, checking if Lin or any of the girls saw my messages. 

There was a response from Lin:  
What strange dude? What's going on?  
I quickly typed out a reply:  
A drunk guy. He's lost and is now sitting in my living room. I'll tell you everything later. I'm handling it now, but if I stop responding, call 911.

"Sorry I woke you up, by the way. You probably wanted to sleep in on a Saturday, yeah?" Rick put his phone back after trying to call his friend for probably a tenth time. "I could make you breakfast, you know, to make it up to you."

Another idea struck me. And it could help me get rid of Rick sooner. A little bit of the weight on my chest lifted at the newfound hope.

"No, thanks," I started, sitting back at the table, a cup of hot tea in hand. If he tried anything, I would splash him across the face and make a run for the door. "I'm going out to breakfast with my boyfriend today. In fact, he should be here to pick me up soon, so unless you wanna meet him, you should go."

"Oh, right, a boyfriend," he reflected, a mocking smile on his face. As if he knew I was bluffing. "Will I get in trouble for being here?"

He seemed not to believe anything could happen to him. He also seemed as if this whole situation was a joke. As if there wasn't a reason for me to be scared at all. And maybe he was just a simple guy, who got lost and actually didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing. That single thought kept me from calling the police right away. This guy could be mentally ill, or just high, and if the police came, they could quickly make this messier. And I didn't want to have anybody's blood on my hands.

"Well, he is very protective of me, so you should seriously go before he comes here," I answered his question, trying to bring a tint of threatening to my voice. But my voice shook on the last word, destroying any anger I tried to show. There was only uncertainty in my tone, which I couldn't mask with any fake smile.

My fingers raced on the keyboard under the table, typing a message to Lin:

Call me, please, call me right now. 

I hit send and turned on the sound. My heart beat so hard, I was sure it would soon burst out of my chest and run off to safety.  
Glancing back at Rick, I saw him texting somebody, probably his friend. He inhaled deeply, but before he could say anything, my phone started ringing. Shooting him a fake apologetic look, I shot up to my feet and answered the phone.

"Hi, honey!" I chimed, the strain was audible in my voice. Having to clear my throat, I resumed in a now more cheerful manner. "When will you pick me up? I don't know when I should start getting ready."

"Y/n, what's going on? I'm on my way to your place, but should I call 911?" Lin's breathy voice came out strained. I hoped it wouldn't reach Rick's ears and alert him on my plan. If he hears anything about 911, he could either attack sooner or get going. And as pleasant as the second option sounded, I didn't want to risk the first one. Some people get more violet at he mare mention of the police as if they wanted to dare anybody to try and call them.

"Oh, no, not yet," I chuckled, leaning on the wall next to the hallway. That was I was closer to the exit, but still appeared relaxed. "When will you be here, though?"

Rick's eyes shot up to mine in curiosity. I smiled at him, keeping up my loving demeanor.

"I'm gonna be there in less than five minutes. I left as soon as I got your first text, so I'm almost there. Is this guy armed?" His voice came out confidently this time, providing me with an anchor to keep me from panicking completely. Five minutes. Less than.

"I don't know, doesn't seem like it," I sighed, looking at the window, hoping it would make me appear to be talking about the weather and not guns. "I won't manage to get ready in five minutes, so you'll have to come upstairs and come in, okay? See you in five?"

"I'm just around the corner, be there in two, just hang on," he promised. I put glanced again at Rick, who has just disconnected his phone from the charger and was slowly rising from the table. My heart skipped a beat as I choked out to Lin over the phone.

"Oh, then see you in two, the door is open," My voice trembled, but Rick wasn't making a move towards me. He was standing still and looked at his phone screen, once again dialing his friend's number.   
I suppressed a sigh of relief. Maybe he got the message and would finally leave? 

"Just a minute, y/n, I'm going to hang up now, so I'll have 911 ready to dial, okay?" Lin's again calmed me. Taking a step to the other side of the room, closer to the couch, I hummed in response. Stopping myself from begging him to stay on the line with me, I once again faked confidence.

"Okay, see you then. Love you, bye!" I chimed to the phone, once again drawing Rick's attention to the fact that my boyfriend would be here and wouldn't be pleased to find him in my apartment.

I hung up as soon as Lin's "Love you, bye!" registered in my mind. Some part of my brain whispered to me, telling me that my last words were not just a part of the act. I silenced it, not wanting to get distracted at the moment. Even a moment of carelessness could cost me my life.

"So," I stated matter of factly, turning to Rick, clasping my hands on the phone. "You should go, my boyfriend's coming, and I need to get ready."

He put his phone in the back pocket and put the charger on the table. Smiling slightly, he took a few steps closer to where I was standing. My breath hitched, and my knees trembled so much I was surprised he hadn't noticed my distress yet. But he only gave me a once over before heading to the hallway. I exhaled loudly, letting go of the breath that I've been holding from the moment he got closer.

"Bye," he shot on his way out before shutting the door behind him. A huff escaped my lips as I realized he didn't even thank me. Putting the cup of tea on the kitchen counter, I laughed under my breath. All that trouble and not a single thank you. 

As the realization hit me, my knees gave out, and I descended on the couch. It was over, I repeated in my mind. Nothing's happened to me. I was safe. My mind raced over the different scenarios of what could've happened, and I was too out of it to stop it.   
But then, when the door in the hallway opened, I raced to my feet. I grabbed the closest weapon-passing object next to me, so an empty ceramic vase. The tea must've already gone cold and was also too far away in the kitchen. My mind, heart, and blood, raced, fueling me with adrenaline. I was done being nice. If he wanted violence, he would get it.

"It's me," Lin's voice grounded me. I sighed, again, relieved it wasn't Rick coming back. Putting the vase back on the shelf, I stifled another giggle from leaving my lips. 

"Lock the door, please," I mumbled, sinking on the couch once again as my knees buckled. "He's gone."

"I know, I think I passed him on my way inside." His tone was assuring even though I could tell there was a hint of fear still lingering there. There was a click of the door lock before he came to the living room. His clothes were disheveled as well as his newly-cut hair, telling me he must've only woken up.  
Even if my heart was still pounding like a hammer in my chest, a wave of serenity spread over me at his sight. I ran my fingers over my face, exhaling loudly. I felt like a deflating balloon as I sank lower on the cushions.  
Lin sat down next to me before prying my fingers away from my face, his grip firm but gentle.  
"Has he done anything to you?" He asked in a low voice, his eyes scanning for an answer already. I shook my head, lost for words, my shoulders trembling. Soon I understood, I wasn't simply shivering, but my body was suppressing laughter. 

"That," I panted before giggles overcame me, causing Lin to furrow his brows in worry and confusion. "was fucked up."

"I can tell," his tone came out more like a question, his face showing how perplexed at my state he was. My hands were still in his as he circled slow patters on my knuckles with his fingers. We sat there, my body trembling with giggles, for a long minute before my breath turned into sharp pants, and soon I wasn't able to take a proper one.

"Hey, hey, hey, slowly, slowly," Lin whispered, moving his hands from mine to my face. Caressing it slowly, his touch feather-like, he inhaled deeply, nudging for me to do the same. "In and out, just like that. He's not here anymore. You're safe now."

Tears escaped my eyes as I locked gazes with him, trying to find peace. His affirmations barely reached my ears, muffled by my blood's constant thundering, echoing in my mind like a thousand bells. 

"It's just the adrenaline wearing out." He brushed away the last tear on my cheek. My breath steadied as my mind slowed with each passing second. His words registered better in my brain now, and I could start to comprehend what had actually happened.

"He just came in here like he owned the place," I whimpered, my voice betraying my fragility. I wondered when exactly did I become so comfortable showing my weaknesses. "I didn't invite him in, he just walked right in when I offered him help...I knew I wouldn't be able to push him out of the door on my own...I...he..."

My breath came out in wheezes again as a sob cut my words short. Lin moved closer, pulling me into his chest, as his fingers moved from my face to my hair. I leaned on him, now able to hear his strong heartbeat. His breath blew into my scalp as he shushed me, over and over again, until my sobs quietened.

"I know he hasn't done anything," I whispered into him, my voice muffled by the material of his shirt. "but he could, you know, and it's what's bothering me the most. He could've done anything, and I wouldn't be able to defend myself. It would be my own damn fault for even opening that door."

"No, no, no," Lin mumbled into my hair, his voice stern but gentle at the same time. "You can't think like that. There is no fault in being kind and wanting to help. There is no fault in you at all. But-"

He pulled away considerately, his hands sliding to my shoulders, raising goosebumps on my arms in their wake. His eyes turned dark, a gleam of alarm still lingering there like an echo of a thunderclap. 

"But please don't get in any more trouble. I'm afraid I might get a heart attack the next time." A shadow of a smile slid onto his lips, but there was a seriousness to it. My forehead crinkled as I raised a brow in a mocking manner.

"Sure, old man, there won't be a next time," I croaked, my voice still hoarse from crying. A smile broke onto my lips as the weight of today's morning lifted off my chest. It was truly over, and I was safe, joking with Lin. "Thank you for coming so soon, by the way. You didn't have to actually come racing here. All I needed was a pretext to get this guy to leave."

"And leave you all alone to it? Over my dead body." He smiled before pulling me back into a hug. My chin rested in the crook of his neck while I took in the smell of his deodorant. He must've hurried here so much he didn't even use cologne. His body stifled for a second as he uttered, disbelief tinting his tone. "You made him tea?"

"No, I made myself tea," I muttered into his skin. "You know, to splash him across the face with it and make a run for it."

His body shook with laughter at this. He slowly circled patterns on my spine with one hand while the other one tangled into my hair. My back was half-bare because my pajama shirt provided only so much cover to my body.

"What time is it?" I asked, suddenly remembering it was still early in the morning. Maybe I could still squeeze in some time to rest before heading off to the warm-ups. Though I was doubtful whether I would be able to fall asleep again. 

"Almost eight," he murmured into my skin, his breath tickling me. "You should get some more rest before tonight."

"I know," I whispered, but didn't move away from him. It would feet so peaceful, not having to face the rest of the day and just stay like that forever. "but I think I won't be able to sleep again today. I'll just take a hot shower and get some coffee. I don't even want to stay too much in here today. Just need to get away from the memory."

"You can come to my place, you know" His voice turned uncertain, but there was promise in it. "stay there and relax before your show. Of course, only if you'd like that."

I lifted my head slightly but didn't' pull away too far from him. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I breathed just above a whisper. 

"I would like that very much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was greatly difficult for me to write. But it was necessary for me to add it to this story for I think the situation altered me so much I wouldn't be able to write without acknowledging it.  
> XOXO


	18. The matters of the heart and the brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin proves his care by trying to calm y/n after the morning incident. But will y/n get a hold of herself in time for her grand performance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's chapter 18!  
> Thank you for all the positive and supportive comments under the previous chapter - it means a lot to me, truly. I'm okay and safe now, thank you, again, for your concern.  
> That being said, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

"Is that Pride and Prejudice's main theme I hear?" I propped myself on an elbow, lifting my head from the cushion. Lin had suggested I should go back to sleep in his bed - with a freshly cleaned change of bedding, of course - but I insisted I could lie down on his couch and be just as comfortable. So, instead, he was determined about bringing me all of his pillows and blankets and making me a cup of chamomile tea.

"You should try to fall asleep, querida," he grumbled, his voice hoarse, from his seat by the piano. After he'd made sure I was comfortable, he took a quick shower and settled on the piano bench right after. His hair was still damp, but the effect wasn't as glorious as back when his hair was long. Still, there was no denying he looked attractive - especially hunched over the keyboard, his expression as soft as a glimmer of moonlight. The sun hit his eyes as he tilted his head to look back at me. A golden hue was now visible in them, reflecting the rays that have found their way through the half-drawn curtains. 

"I am," I objected, leaning back on the pillow with a huff, and putting away my phone. On our way here I made sure to call off the alarm on the group chat with Jada and Kirana. Still, I had to fill them in on everything that had happened. "But my eyes won't comply. Every time I close them, my mind races back to this morning."

"Then we need to find a way to busy your mind with something else," he mused, stopping the melody much to my regret. Walking away from the piano, he sat on the end of the couch where my legs were curled up under the blanket. Even though the air outside was sweltering, the inside of his apartment was pleasantly cool thanks to the AC.

"What do you mean?" I sized him up, my curiosity growing. Holding up a finger, he leaned down to take something out from a shelf under the coffee table. Once he straightened, there was a black book in his hand with a golden compass on the cover. When I lifted my eyes to meet his face, it was crumpled in an unreadable expression, as if he was curbing his true emotion.

"I intended to start reading it this week, so I guess I can read to you?" His gaze dropped, avoiding mine, when he handed me to book. It was Pullman's 'The Golden Compass', the first book in the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy. I knew there was an old movie adaptation that I've seen once with my sister.

"A children's book?" I shot him a questioning look, realizing way too late it was a mistake as his cheeks flushed with crimson. 

"Well, yeah, but I can find something else if you want, or we can find something else to do-" he stammered, reaching out to take the book away from me. I propped myself up higher so that my face was in the vicinity of his as my clutch on the book tightened.

"Lin," I called out, intercepting his rambles. His eyes shot up to meet mine, darker circles framing them. I wondered if they would disappear after some time, now that he wasn't performing several nights a week. "I would love for you to read for me."

"Well, then I would love to read for you." His face glowed with inner spirit as he smiled, the action knocking the breath out of my chest. Having handed him the book, I leaned comfortably on the pillows, drowning in them, while he started the story.

We managed to get through the first few chapters before I had to get going to the warm-ups for the performance. First, though, I had to take a shower, because I was way too out of it to even think about it back at my place. Thankfully, I had remembered to pack everything I needed for my warm-up session, so I didn't have to come back to my apartment.

A curse almost escaped my lips when I remembered Lin's 3-in-1 shower gel, stepping into the shower. But much to my delight, I found three separate bottles of shampoo, gel, and hair conditioner. At least my hair wouldn't be crusty tonight, I thought, turning the hot stream on.

Once I left the bathroom, I noticed Lin laying on the couch where I'd been resting previously. His eyes were closed, and facial features relaxed, peacefulness beaming from his figure. Slowly, I tip-toed towards him, careful not to wake him. After all, he must've been truly exhausted, having performed yesterday and then rushing to my apartment so early in the morning. 

The light reflected off the golden compass on the book's cover in Lin's hands. Gently I slid it from his fingers and put it on the coffee table. Not seeing a bookmark anywhere near, I used a sticky note that I'd found on the counter in the kitchen. He had many sticky notes on his fridge, reminding him of meetings, interviews, and other things. 

An idea popped into my mind, and I struggled for a moment, wondering whether pursuing it would be of any good. Well, I thought, the worst that can happen is he could think me to be weird.

In a rush not to be late, but still cautious not to wake Lin up, I found a pen, and placed ready sticky notes throughout the living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom, and dining room. I strayed away from the bedroom, heat spreading over my cheeks at the mere thought of entering there. 

When I was done, there were at least a dozen notes in his house, saying things like:

On the fridge: "Is your mom a chicken? 'Cause you're eggcellent."

On the bathroom mirror: "Step 1: kiss the mirror. Step 2: read the back of this note" - and on the back: "Step 3: congratulate yourself! You've just kissed a very hot person!"

On a light switch: "I was feeling a little off, but you definitely turned me on!"

And some more serious ones:

On an empty vase on the coffee table: "Surround your soul with those who want to see you flourish."

And in the book, as the bookmark: "In the galaxy where people are stars, each and all connected into constellations, you are my Northern Star."

My hand hovered above the page as I vacillated on whether placing it would be the most rational idea. A tincture of sorrow clung to my heart as I ripped the paper apart and put it in the rubbish bin. Instead, in its place, I left a note saying:

I've got nothing more to say. But it's to you I want to say this nothing.

Having placed the last note and gotten ready to leave, I glanced back at Lin's slumbering figure. His chest moved in equal intervals, the only sometimes interrupted by an exceptionally loud snore. 

I fidgeted in place, before stalking back into the living room where I stopped next to him, hesitating for just a moment. Praying he wouldn't wake up rev, I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss onto his forehead. 

I remembered how I'd told him I loved him through the phone, my stomach clenching at the mere sheer memory of his response. He must've said it back automatically, I assured myself. To help me keep up with playing the part. But I wasn't so sure I was playing the part in the first place.

On my way to warm-ups, I checked twitter, noticing there was a flood of mentions in my notifications. First, though, I checked my timeline for my friends' tweets.

There was one from Phillipa about last night being her last in the show, she added photos with Jasmine and Renee, Lin, and with the whole ensemble. I made sure to tweet her my congratulations. I repeated the motion with Leslie's and Ariana's tweets, though I talked with them only scarcely. Curious whether Lin has tweeted anything about his last performance, I went to his account. There was one tweet sent in the morning before the show:  
@Lin_Manuel:  
Good morning!  
Have your wits about you, it promises to be a bit of a day.  
(Carry extra wits in case you lose 'em, that's what I do)

There was another one, shared after the play, with a photo of the hairstylist cutting Lin's hair off. In the background, I could see myself, my face too grumpy for the occasion, Oak's arms around mine in consolation.  
The caption said: Teach 'em how to say goodbye.  
Giggling silently, I scrolled down to responses, some of which tagged me.

@abc1: @y/n's face is a whole mood  
@abc2: the pain on @y/n's face, she certainly needs to learn how to say goodbye  
@abc3: can we talk about @y/n's dress for a moment? IT'S GORGEOUS

Smiling, I scrolled further, seeking more relatable replies, and, sure enough, I found some diamonds.

@abc4: I just heard my heart crack?  
I replied, bottling-up the chuckles that tried to release themselves from my lips as I typed:  
@y/n: @abc4 No, it was the sound of mine, shattering into a million pieces.

Somebody even sent a picture of a bottle of hair fertilizer, to which I replied: I'm on my way to the store RIGHT NOW. And to a tweet asking Lin whether he cried, I responded, saying that it was me who bawled my eyes out.

Not wanting to spend too much time on twitter later, I decided to check my notifications, seeing I had a few minutes left before the train would arrive at my stop by The Dance Theater of Harlem. My eyes widened at the number of mentions, most of them from gossip and fan sites, and magazines. 

"What the-" I breathed, earning myself an exasperated look from an elderly man sitting next to me, when I opened the first mention.

@VarietyMagazine: @Lin_Manuel sharing his final moments with his fans and his girlfriend, @y/n, outside the Richard Rodgers Theatre.  
Attached was a picture of me and Lin at the stage door, his arm wrapped around my waist as he talked to fans who didn't make it to the play.

I remembered through the haze of alcohol, how we stepped outside for half an hour in between shots from Lin's Grammy in Leslie's dressing room. I wasn't aware there were paparazzi, though, too intoxicated at that moment to notice them. 

Thanking the gods that I didn't look in the pictures as drunk as I had been in reality, I checked other mentions. Many fans have quoted the Magazine's tweet, asking whether our relationship was confirmed in any way. While some didn't seem to concern themselves with facts, tweeting things like:

@abc1: relationship goals!  
@abc2: y/n looks like a million dollars in that dress, seriously, Lin is soooo lucky

And even if it warmed my heart people were so kind, I couldn't stop my heart from racing in panic. How will that affect Lin's career? My mind galloped through all different scenarios as I rubbed my temples. It was too much for one day, even for me, to have to deal with a drunk guy getting inside my house, celebrity gossip, and having to perform tonight. 

Swallowing another curse, I exited my notifications and searched tweets mentioning Lin, instead. I'd much rather read people hyping him up than talking about our alleged relationship. But my hopes were crushed in a moment when I found a group of tweets, all calling me a gold-digger. Some even took the liberty of accusing me of seeking a sugar daddy in Lin.

Shoving my phone deep inside my bag, I squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself that if I kept them closed long enough, the tweets would just disappear. But, of course, they wouldn't, not like that. Keeping my lids down, I massaged my temples, trying to find the right way to react.

I knew I should ignore it, but there was no denying my ego was wounded. Because maybe those people were right, and I would never be good enough for Lin - too young, too unsuccessful. And there was no denying, as well, that my work-life wasn't thriving. My career in ballet was non-existent, not to mention the fact that even my teacher thought I was a hopeless case. And about my law career... a non-starter, too, as I haven't even gotten my degree yet. All I could take pride in was my ability to pour drinks as a bartender, so nothing to take pride in truly. Yet, it made no sense to dawdle about some stranger's tweets, particularly on the train, where there was no privacy. No, what I needed to do now was to get ready and perform perfectly tonight. Which was not something I could achieve with petty tweets reverberating in my mind.

"So basically, they think you're his sugar baby?" Jada snickered as we stretched backstage. We had two hours before the show and still needed to shower, dress, and do our makeup. Thankfully, the theater was large enough to have showers in the dressing rooms. Jada and I were to share a room with two other dancers, so we had to wait for our turn to clean ourselves. 

"Yeah, I mean, why can't people mind their own business? I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm friends with Lin, and they're not making it any easier..." I grunted, standing up from a split to take a sip of iced coffee. Since I didn't get much sleep tonight, I had to return to downing horrendous amounts of caffeine.

"Is he just a friend, tho?" Jada wiggled her brows, throwing her braids back on her shoulder. She'd asked for my help tying them into a bun tonight so that her hairstyle wouldn't get damaged. Thankfully, she could keep her braids in for the performance. There were a lot of nasty things to say about Katrina, but I had to give her that she was inclusive in her studio, letting people of different races embrace their culture. Though Jada always repeated it should be a bare necessity for teachers to let people be people. And I agreed with her.

"Well, according to gossip sites, no. But according to our actual status, yes." I rolled my eyes, not being able to stop the annoyance leave a trace in my voice. I leaned back on the wall that wasn't covered by a mirror, a cup still in hand, and soon Jada joined beside me. 

"And according to your heart?" She hinted, a smile casting a light gleam in her dark eyes. Not being able to muster any amusement, I sighed, descending into a sitting position on the floor.

"My heart can go fuck itself," I growled, stretching out a leg. It still pulled on one muscle when I attempted to do a split, so I needed to massage it to warm it up.

"What do you mean?" Jada's tone turned soft since she must've sensed my changed demeanor. Shaking my head, I struggled to find the right words.

"My heart holds more questions than answers," I sighed, glancing up at her to see if she understood me in any way. Her brows were knotted, but something in her gaze told me she knew what I meant and was trying to solve the conundrum of my heart.

"When I first got with Silvia, I wasn't sure if I even should get into a relationship at that time," she mused, sitting cross-legged next to me. "And I thought it could ruin everything, so I tried to forget her. But then suddenly, all the love songs were about her. She was in my 4 A.M. thoughts, keeping me awake from dusk to dawn, living in my mind rent-free. She should pay me up for that."

I snorted, imagining how much rent Lin must owe me now. It was certainly more than I paid monthly.

"So I knew, two souls don't find each other on simple accident," she continued, her eyes distant, drowning in some memory I wasn't invited to see. My lips stretched softly, taking in her love-struck manner. "And the rest is history."

Her vision sharpened when she pulled away from the reminiscents of the past. A silly grin lifted the corners of her mouth as she gripped my arm.

"Eventually, everything connects."

The crowd's murmurs reached me from behind the curtains, causing my blood to rush through my veins like a river and roar in my ears. Waiting was definitely the worst part of performing. As long as I kept busy, I could pretend my hands weren't shaking, or that my mind wasn't racing a hundred thoughts per second. But as soon as I had to stand behind Jada and wait for our cue to get on stage, there was no denying I was shaking like a leaf.

Lin had texted me before I left my dressing room, telling me he was here and wishing me to break a leg. My hands trembled too much for me to type anything more than a simple: ok, thanks. And now I wondered whether it didn't come off as too cold. 

But before my mind took off in a hundred different directions, the music started, calling me to the stage. Jada shot me a delighted look before disappearing behind a curtain. I followed right after her, leaving any coherent thoughts backstage.

There was light - one of a thousand suns - darting through my body, igniting my bones, my muscles, and skin with each step. Each turn and jump formed an undying flame inside my heart. A fire, one that could melt an iceberg, and one that fit perfectly in my chest.

Thunder and lightning flowed through my veins with each beat of the drums. Each cry of a violin raising goosebumps on my skin in its wake. And the crowd - a pleiad of faces entranced by ballet, my love - it all appeared minor from the stage. I was being embraced by the Heavens, a star twirling with angels, and all the faces below were mere ants.

Music and I were one. It was pivotal to my very existence, keeping me both tranquil and relentless.

An unbreakable union that remained intransigent, engendering more, and more, and more. More fire. More light. More life.

Devine. Sacred.

And I danced and danced and danced. 

As if there was no end.

But there was an end, and it came all too quickly, pulling me down to earth with all its force. A boisterous thunder of applause rolled through the audience when the last act finished with the closing blare from the orchestra. 

Blinking away the light, I made eye contact with a figure in the third row,  
giving us a standing ovation as other members of the audience followed. Lin, wearing a black, sophisticated suit, holding a bouquet of white gardenias and roses, with what I guessed was lilac. He caught my stare and shot me a beaming smile which I returned before forming a line with my co-performers so that we could bow.

I wanted to remain on that stage forever, in the glory of the post-performance bliss. I could stay here until I've taken my last breath and probably wouldn't even care. There was no place for concern with mortality on stage. 

I turned to retire from the stage, following the line of other dancers before me, sorrow clutching my heart more with each step away from the stage. But, I thought, the night was far from over, and the celebration didn't have to cease after I'd left the stage. Lin's presence in the audience only enhanced that view, so I couldn't help but peek behind the curtain before coming backstage to change into formal attire for the charity banquet. We were all to share a toast and indulge ourselves in gossip. 

I waved to catch Lin's attention, pointlessly, since he was already looking in my direction. Showing him ten fingers, I mouthed "ten minutes" and went behind the curtain, rushing to get to the banquet as soon as possible. 

And even though the music had stopped, my soul danced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now taking requests for one-shots! (anything hamilton or Lin related)


	19. Set your soul on fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The banquet after the show brings y/n to a new conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is - after a long wait, I know - chapter 19! Btw. since the publication of the previous chapter, I have also published two One-Shots! I'm currently working on another two - they should be done by the end of the weekend, but don't quote me on that.   
> Sooo...enjoy!

The adrenaline didn't seem to wear off for another ten minutes spent backstage. Surrounded by giggles and squeals of delight from my fellow dancers, I raced down the hallway to our dressing room. I wanted to get there first so that I could take a two-minute shower and wash the sweat off. Upon glancing briefly in the mirror, I assured myself my makeup was still presentable, though it needed a few retouches in the eye area.

I'd managed to get out of my costume and hop into the shower by the time Jada and the other two dancers arrived. Through the splashing of water, I made out their excited chatter.

"You and y/n were a-ma-zing!" One of the other dancers - Was it Lisa? - squealed. The compliment made my heart swell while a smile stretched on my lips. Quickly, I washed off the soap and jumped out of the cabin. Having wrapped a towel around me, I returned to the dressing room.

"Thank you!" I chimed while packing the ballet costume into the plastic bag. Katrina would probably kill me if I destroyed the bodice. In the corner of my vision, I got a glimpse of Jada disappearing behind the bathroom door. I turned to the two girls and shot them a grateful smile. "You were great, too!"

We then chatted about the performance, while I was changing into a long black dress I'd bought before I first arrived in New York, them undressing from their costumes. As I finished dressing and started adjusting my makeup, my phone buzzed, the sound muffled by the bag. Not wanting to pull myself out of the post-performance bliss, I decided to ignore it. Additionally, my adrenaline was persistent, making it impossible for me to process any new information.

Deciding my hair could stay in the sleek low bun, I made my way out from the dressing room, and through the corridors to the banquet hall with my phone in hand. The theatre's ballroom was located in the same building, so, thankfully, I reached it in a matter of a minute. Hopefully, I wasn't late for hor devours since dancing made me hungry again - had I not remembered to eat a high-carb meal prior to the show, I would've starved by now.

Before entering the hall, though, I remembered to check my phone to see why it had been buzzing earlier. My stomach dropped at the sight of a dozen notifications, most of them from Mia. Fidgeting in place in confusion, I opened the messages. They said:

We need another bartender tonight. There are too many people. Be here in 30 minutes.

Hello??? It's Jennifer Lopez's birthday party. I won't let you ruin this.

Pick up your damn phone.

There were many more texts asking me to call her back, each getting more and more hostile in tone. But it was the last one that made my heart stop for a moment, causing me almost to drop my phone. It said:

That's it. If you're not going to bother answering your boss's texts, don't bother showing at the club again. 

My head spun since I had to read the words a few more times to comprehend their meaning. I've just been fired from the club - even though it wasn't even my shift tonight. The injustice of the situation hit me with all its force as I recalled the day Mia told me Jennifer Lopez had booked the club. I was so regretful I wouldn't be working that day, and for Mia to now tell me I should've come was backstabbing me. 

Huffing in anger, I shoved the phone deep into the dress's pocket and entered the ballroom. As I took in the ornament lights and the soft jazz music being played by a band in the corner, my nerves calmed. There was no way I would let this ruin the evening. Ballet was far too pivotal to my being for me to let a side-job absorb my thoughts tonight. 

But then the realization dawned upon me, completely drowning me. I had to look up to the ceiling so that the tears welling up in my eyes wouldn't ruin my makeup. Without this job, I couldn't dream of staying afloat in New York while also training ballet. I would either have to stop paying rent or eating.

I let my gaze drop so that I could that in the room once again. Some of the other dances have also come back from their dressing rooms, dressed in evening gowns, and were taking in compliments from the audience members. I spotted Silvia waiting for Jada with a rose bouquet in hand. Her bronzed skin appeared golden under the glimmering lights, making the pink suit she was wearing stand out. She was standing right next to the table where the guests could donate, a huge line already forming to engage in charity. Nevertheless, even if this was my first event of that scale, I wondered, it would possibly be my last. If I don't find the funds to continue dancing once the academic year starts, I would certainly never have an opportunity as great as this.

Even above the soft sounds of the piano, I could hear my heart break, the crack resonating in my mind. As I tried to memorize the moment, it fleeting with each second, my eyes landed on a lone silhouette by the glass door. Lin, still holding the flower bouquet, was scanning the room as well. And, almost as if he'd sensed my gaze, his eyes met mine, piercing a hole through my soul. 

An unknown sound escaped my lips before I rushed to him, tears once again welling up in my eyes. To everybody else, I seemed invisible, maneuvering between them to Lin. But his eyes never left mine, even when his face crumpled in worry. I slowed down a few meters before him, then entirely stopped just a meter away.

"What's wrong?" He took a step closer and took my hand with his free one. A tear escaped my eyes, despite my best efforts to smile, breaking my composure. "Y/n?"

"I just lost my job," I whispered, trying to wipe away the tear without smudging the makeup. My breath came out hitched, and I lost control over it with each exhale. "My boss from the club texted me. She said I'm fired."

His hand left mine to brush across my face, gently getting rid of other tears rolling down my cheeks. His eyes glinted in concern, care visible on every inch of his face, but it was more reassuring than pitiful. 

"You-" The corner of his mouth quivered as he stroked my cheekbone. "have just given the performance of the century. And you're worried about a job at a club?"

"Well, yes, Lin, I am." I took a step back, pushing away his hand from my face. "I am worried because I only afforded to practice for this performance thanks to this job."

He seemed to realize his mistake since his hands dropped to his side, desperation twisting his face. I didn't protest when he once again stepped closer, closing the distance between us. He grasped my arm, stroking soothing patterns across it. His grip was stronger this time as if he wanted to keep me from jumping away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle your concern." I believed him since his eyes conveyed true regret. "What I meant was that you shouldn't focus all of your attention on inconveniences, especially on a night like this."

Nodding, I relaxed my posture and sniffed, hoping not to cry again. Seeing my demeanor change, he let his lips curve upwards, though he still lightly brushed the skin on my arm. He raised his other hand, holding up the bouquet, his eyes carefully fixed on my expressions.

"You see, flowers always grow back," he mused, handing it to me. Automatically, I buried my nose in the petals, taking in the sweet scent of lilac, roses, and gardenias. "Even after winter, they bloom. And so will you."

Pulling away from the blossoms, I carefully inclined to press a kiss to his cheek and whispered a thank you. His scent was more intoxicating than one of the flowers, causing me knees to wobble when I leaned back. My gaze dropped back to the flowers, and I had to clear my throat before speaking.

"Let me show you something," I said and pulled him to follow me, not waiting for a response. We stepped through the glass door right onto the marble balcony. 

Two Corinthian columns were holding up the roof above us, ivy creeping along their silhouettes. The railing was also made out of stone and was cold against my skin when I leaned on it. Lin, following my actions, brushed his hands on the balustrade, their color contrasting against the pale marble. I put the flowers down next to his hand, not wanting to damage them. They were beautiful, but the landscape was the true reason I'd dragged him here. The balcony overviewed a small park, poplars almost hid a modest pond from the picture, but it still proved worthy of attention. It reflected the rising moon, the light jumping on water drowning out the lights of the city around. A row of evening-blooming lilies framed the pond where two swans roamed around. It was a piece of harmony in the city that never rested.

I turned to face Lin, hoping to catch his reaction, but his eyes were fixed on me, instead of the view. My brows furrowed while I tried to understand the reason for his observation. 

"When you got onto that stage," He glanced briefly towards the glass door, but his eyes soon darted back to mine. I leaned in toward him, desiring to drink the words that would leave his mouth. "the first coherent thought to come to me was a comprehension that you've become the center of the Universe. I have no idea when that'd happened, but, suddenly, you took over me with the power of the brightest star. You ignite my world, querida."

His lips were just inches away from mine, and I could taste his words on my tongue. My heart pounded, pushing the blood in my veins in a thunderous current, making me wonder if he could feel just how much it wanted to collide with his chest. The time seemed to stop as my mind raced, prompting me to close in the distance between our lips. Lin's breath hitched when I bit down a smile, guiding my glance from his mouth to his eyes again. I've never gone stargazing, but I assumed it would never top off the galaxy of his eyes.

"What does that mean? Querida, that is?" I didn't pull away, saying it, hoping to prolong the moment. His breath grazed against my skin when a grin broke onto his face. One of his hands brushed my chin, tracing the jawline before resting right under my lower lip.

"Darling," he said in a low voice, sending shivers down my spine. Darling. He's been calling me darling all this time, I realized and remembered how I thought was insulting me. Suppressing a giggle, I bit down my lip, causing Lin's eyes to drop to my mouth. Again, I noticed how close we've gotten. And the desire to make the distance even shorter overcome me in a split second. 

"Dar-" my whisper against his skin was cut short by the glass door swinging open, creaking loudly, as somebody entered the balcony. I jumped, staggering backward, only Lin's quick grip to my waist keeping me from falling.

"Y/n, uh, I'm sorry." A blush covered Silvia's cheeks when she took in the scene before her. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but Jada's been looking for you. Apparently, there's a guy here matching Rick's description, and he's even introducing himself to people as Rick."

I cursed audibly, bliss instantly being replaced by sheer terror. Even though I managed to forget about the morning's incident, absorbed by the performance, the memory came back immediately, kicking air out of my chest. Lin's grip on my waist tightened, and he pulled me in closer to him as if to ensure I was there. 

"She can't be sure, though, she hasn't seen him in person." Lin's assuring voice reached me only partly, overrun by the pounding pulse of my blood in my ears. I nodded, mechanically gathering the bouquet and stalking toward the door, Lin following my every step. If Rick was here, I thought, it would've been either the absurdest coincidence of the year of some mad plot against me. Somehow, both options made me recoil, my skin curling in disgust. 

Not even the jazz music could soothe me at the moment as we made our way to where Jada was standing by the champagne fountain. She was wearing a gorgeous lavender dress, but I couldn't appreciate its beauty in full, my vision hazed. I barely made out Jada's finger pointing in the direction of the crowd. I followed it, and soon my eyes landed on him. He was here, talking to a gentleman in a blue suit, appearing to be completely comfortable in the crowd.

"Y/n? Is it him?" Lin's tender tone broke through the pounding in my head. I had to clear my throat two times before my response was audible, but still barely above a whisper.

"Yes, it's him."

It was enough for Lin to release my waist, his hand immediately relaced by Jada's firm grip, and to rush effortlessly through the sea of people. I couldn't even think of voicing my protest, not wanting to cause a scene, before he reached Rick. Of course, I wasn't able to make out what he was saying, and his face was one of stone. Cold beamed from his eyes as he motioned toward the exit. Much to my surprise, leaving me with my jaw on the floor, Rick turned on his heel. He hurried to the door, mumbling under his breath. He didn't even spare a glance either at Lin or me.

"Girl, he's a keeper," Jada mused into my ear, her tone lightening the situation. I smirked at her before returning my gaze to where Lin was maneuvering back our way. 

"He's much more than that."

The rest of the evening was thankfully peaceful, but I didn't get a chance to recreate the situation on the balcony. Nevertheless, Lin's words reverberated in my mind as we drank, ate and danced. It made me wonder if he, too, could feel the shifting between us. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but something was different, completely foreign, and comforting at the same time. So, while we swayed to the rhythm of the drums, absorbing the heat of the people around us, I couldn't stop myself from rethinking every second of our acquaintance. The night we've met, visiting the library together, our fort building, him coming to my aid when I fainted - every second of it changing its meaning, when I put into the account the realization that I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my being, the intensity of it crashing down any walls around my heart. And I would give up ballet for the rest of my life if it meant our souls could dance together just once.  
Then, under the ornament lights, artificial starts, we raised our champagne glasses in a toast. Jada and Silvia had disappeared somewhere hours ago right after the cake. I didn't intend on interrupting them, too immersed in the music and the feeling of Lin's hand around my waist.

"To the nights like these-" I held up my glass, the spotlight glittering over the bubbles of the champagne. "when the art flows through the air."

Lin's eyes shone, their abyss making the lights only clearer.

"And to the exquisite people who make the art come alive." He clinked his glass against mine.

The Sunday morning came too soon, the rays of sun burned against my eyelids, pulling me out of the slumber. Groaning, I rolled off the bed, abandoning the heat of the covers. The events of the night came back to me, rising the corners of my mouth. And even though my legs throbbed with each step, I couldn't help but chuckle when I recalled the performance and the banquet to follow. And the realization that had hit me, turning my world upside down. Now, in the light of the day, my mind took over the matters that my heart had busied itself with before. 

A sigh escaped me as I sat down on the couch, having made my way to the living room. My dress was discarded on the floor, along with my bag and shoes, the phone dead on the table. But somehow, I managed to get a vase for the flowers - the same vase I wanted to hit Rick with, I realized. And in the light of the day, they proved to be even more impressive, their color pure and scent intoxicating. Though, maybe it was the realization of the night that made them appear so compelling. 

Remembering I was invited to a barbeque at Leslie's today, I hooked my phone to the charger. I needed to get an address and a precise time when I had to show up. In wait for my phone to turn on, I made myself a cup of coffee, not really in a mood for anything to eat. So, sipping on coffee, I scrolled through my phone. 

The notifications from Mia were still there, making my stomach coil at the very sight of them. Now that I wasn't celebrating the performance, my attention was free to focus on the fact that I was left with only one job. Though I had my scholarship, even it wasn't enough to stay afloat in New York, not if I wanted to dance as well. Thankfully, I still had enough to pay off another two months at the studio, so I had a full month to find another job. 

Choosing not to mess up my mood so early in the morning, I focused on other notifications. One was a text from Kylie, asking me whether I had already bought a dress for the wedding. I cursed under my breath, remembering I still had to go shopping in search of it. My heart skipped a beat when I also cherished who was to accompany me. I wondered, not daring to plan it yet, if by the time for the wedding would I have told Lin of my feelings. But for that, I would have to be sure my affection was not one-sided since I relished our friendship too much to ruin it by a love confession. 

Having texted Kylie back (a simple: No, but don't worry, I'm on it!), I scrolled mindlessly through Twitter. I hadn't shared any photos from yesterday, but there were some worthy ones. Before I could tweet them out, a single post tagging me caught my attention. It was from a big account, though one lacking a profile picture. It said:

@anon1: So, I hope it's common knowledge by now that @y/n is with Lin-Manuel only for his money. Come on, she got him to promote her charity event, and his posts are only about her. Seriously, he deserves better.

Though there was a bunch of people defending me in replies, an equal bunch agreed with the tweet, calling me a whore even. They showed concern for Lin, thinking I might be using him, and though it warmed my heart to know people cared for him, my blood boiled. Who were those people to be commenting on our alleged relationship? 

Grunting, I checked Lin's account to see if maybe people were saying similar things in replies to his tweets. There was a new post from him, one showing a sticky note I had left at his place, the one saying he was eggcellent. The caption said:

@Lin_Manuel: And here I thought I'd seen the worst of @y/n's pickup lines. 

Biting down a grin, I decided to respond, just to spite the people who seemed to hate me:

@y/n: @Lin_Manuel, well, I would do anything for fame on your twitter

Done with social media for the day, I texted Lin to send me the info for the day and headed to the shower. My muscles deserved a hot stream to massage them after the last night. And my mind needed relaxation as well. Especially since I was to face Lin today, finally knowing how I felt. And I would have to come up with a plan for what to do with the fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I cry writing this chapter? Maybe...

**Author's Note:**

> How did you like it? Please, leave your opinion down below.


End file.
